Starting over

[OpenMind24hours]

I'm going into WDs from Hydro 7.5s (again). I ran out today and I've decided not to ask for a refill.  I've been off and on Hydro for about 4 years now. During the 4 years I got 9 months of clean time, and then I started back up 2 years ago this month. I got some additional clean time last winter but by mid-June I was back on it again and the amount quickly creeps up. I get prescriptions from my doctor, who must know I'm getting addicted to it but he knows I'm in pain all the time. Addiction goes along with the territory. Now I'm taking more than prescribed every day and not happy with it.

My MRIs show degenerative disk disease. I've had 3 MRIs in the past 4 years and it shows the condition is getting worse, but to me the Hydro and all it's side effects seem much more worse to me than the pain itself. Addiction sux.

My doctor also has me on Elivil at bedtime for depression and for help with my back pain at night, which I've been on for 18 months now.  He also gave me a Xanax .25 script which I have mostly steered clear of because of it's addictive nature. If I occasionally take one, I'll feel slight WDs up to 2 days after. Strong stuff.  

My doctor's limit for me is 90 7.5 Hydros a month, 3 a day. Never more than that. But that amount slowly catches up with my system, which is the nature of the beast. That buzzed, happy and energetic feeling I once got from Hydro has been long gone. Now I take Hydro just to feel normal and I'm running out ahead of time. I know that staying on the course I'm on right now is an impossible dead end. Drugs stopped working for me long ago and today I have the spark of willingness to try to be drug free again.

I read the post on here and I'm reminded about the sleep I'm not going to get for a while. I hate the WDs. I hope for your support, and will listen to your experience and expertise as I go through this nightmare one more time. It's my hope to stay clean for good this time, one day at a time.  

[OpenMind24hours]

Hi Mary,

About 1 hr sleep in total last night in bits and pieces but feel better, thank you. I was watching TV just a while ago and fell asleep for 20 minutes or so. Every bit helps in the healing process. Restless legs and arms are the worst part of this. If I'm still it comes on fast.

I have absolutely no plans for sub or anything else opiate related! All that would do is slow down my opiate clean-up process, if not reverse it. Just feeling a bit better every new day reaffirms my choice to go CT with this. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. 3 days now!!

How are you doing?

[mary577]

I agree with Norco....don't go for subs.   You can do this without them.   Stay with us and post often and get through this.

How are you doing this morning?

[OpenMind24hours]

Hi Ron,
I completely agree with you about avoiding trading addictions. My brother in law will be on that stuff for the rest of his life. Although I'm not looking forward to another long night awake tonight, these WDs are doable in comparison. I really need to remember these WDs and not want to go back and visit this hell again and again.

[OpenMind24hours]

Thanks for the well wishes Brightfutureahead. Yes, I've been to lots of meetings, but not since I went back out. I plan to head there again once my WDs ebb somewhat.

[Norco1947]

Hi ,  Dealing with pain is hard , dealing with a addiction worse .
You can do this just like others have . Just got to want it real bad .

Are you sure about the use of Sub , read the posts sure looks like tradeing one addiction for one thats much much harder to detox from.
.... Ron  

[Brightfutureahead]

Hi OpenMind...I just wanted to congratulate you on your small, but very awesome successes thus far. You have the right idea about going to meetings/aftercare and talking with your doctor...sounds like a great plan! You've gotten wonderful advice on here and sounds like you are on the right track..

You did say you went to a meeting...yes? Or did I read that wrong?