Not Doing so Well . . . . .

[Wildewoman]

I have to get dressed & leave the safety of my house soon & face the world. I am shaking all over - I already took a Xanax - and thinking I'll take another one.

If it is this bad today - which is just lunch (an hour - tops) what will I be like tomorrow when I go to work?

I'm having a small meltdown . . . . .

[Ann2497]

Nothing can beat retail therapy.  My credit card bill is proof of that.

Hope you had fun!

[SmilingBright]

I'm so happy for you!!!!  Something to look forward to when I decide to jump from my taper!!! I knew you could do it.  Now go buy yourself something cute!!!

[zerokewl123]

I agree with self your mind well play games with and try and try agian to get those pills but staying busy well keep your mind at bay..just always keep your guard up

[selfinduced]

Isn't it amazing how much of this process is mental???? Just think of all the times we detoxed and just thought we were "a little off" from an illness. It's all downhill from here, just remember.....the mental can turn on you too so ......don't let your mind go there.

[zerokewl123]

Glad to see you made it....It wasnt as bad as you kept thinking it was now was it....staying busy helps you forget whats going on.

[Wildewoman]

We must have been typing at the same time. Yes - I made it!!

Now I feel like I have lots of energy - so I'm heading out & doing a little shopping!!

[Wildewoman]

I MADE IT!!

Drove down - valets the car then waited for them. Checked in on FB (who wouldn't - I was at the Ritz for God’s sake) - they came & we all sat down to lunch.

90 minutes later as we were getting ready to leave I remembered - oh yeah - I'm detoxing.

I had totally forgot - for a full 90 minutes!! Not only that - I was "on" at lynch - chatty, funny - didn't drewl or anything.

I actually hummed as I drove home.

They each had wine - I don't drink - and lunch was amazing.

THANK YOU - THANK YOU!!

I had planned on a hot bath & some melatonin - but now I think I'll change & go do some shopping!!

I may even be able to do this tomorrow at work!

Oh happy day . . . . . .

[SmilingBright]

So you made it?!?  Good job was waiting to see how it went

[Wildewoman]

Thank you. I don't have to face the IRS (I think I'd cave) but I am the boss - I am lucky that this week there is nothing that I have to be ON for.

[Ann2497]

You are gone by now and in the bathtub probably.  You survived right?  You can do this tomorrow too.  I am sure without the pills you will perform better.  I was shocked when I looked at forms I completed and emails I wrote when high and realized the mistakes I made.  I had no idea they were affecting my job like that.

You got this girl!!!

[HappyDays2Come]

I found that when I jazzed myself up with makeup, jewelry, heels, etc it made me feel more confident and ready to face the world. Blar some of your favorite hype-you-up music as you're on your way and pulling into the parking lot and get excited to be there!! You can do this and once the conversation begins flowing you'll be glad you're there:). You can do this!!

[Wildewoman]

That is sound advice . . . FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT . . . .

I'm heading out now - going to the Ritz!! Yesterday I had my poor car washed so when I pull up next to the jaguars & Caddy's - and hand them my keys - I won't be TOO embarrassed.

[kyle505]

I don't know if this will help, but here goes...
My detox was pure hell; not being dramatic, just truthful. I was only clean 6 days before I had to return to work, and what made things worse, I was returning to a huge tax review. During my days of using heavily I'd missed (ignored) warnings that I had received from the IRS about a question they had with the last year's tax filing. So, talk about shaking, anxiety, fear - I really can't explain it. I had to face a rep from the IRS, and man did I want a pill(s).
Well, it was nothing. Nothing. Because of the drama and anxiety caused by detox I had imagined that I'd be sent to jail, solitary confinement, etc.
Bottom line - although there may not be much you can do about it, try to keep in mind that the emotions your are feeling are being amplified by the changes in both your mind and body due to detox.  As far as the future, it will be like a roller coaster ride - great day, bad day, great day, etc. And that will go on for quite some time, albeit the great days will start to outnumber the bad days.
Oh yeah - the week after the IRS visit I had my main computer crash; took all weekend to recover the files. Back came the anxiety and panic, but I worked it out.....And so will you.
All the best.
K

[Wildewoman]

You cracked me up!! I am wearing a zebra print spanx dress with lots of spikey jewley & heels to heaven!!

I keep telling myself - it's just an hour - - - -it's just an hour - - - -then you can come home & fall into a hot bath with some tea . . . .

[glamisgirl]

It's so true, Fake it until you make it. You can do this. Keep telling yourself tomorrow will be better and one of these days tomorrow really will be better. This won't kill you but I do promise it will make you stronger with time.

[SmilingBright]

You can do this my friend!!!!!!   I know u can.   Let us know how u did for lunch today.    

[selfinduced]

Ok Wildwoman, Here's the deal. Fake it till you make it. You WILL get thru this as long as you don't let your head take control. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other until your brain is balanced out. Honestly, what is your alternative? rehab? using (death sentence),or just chipping away and letting time be your friend. All of us had to ride this out, you CAN do this. Make sure the dress is cute, the make up is silky and the heels are wayyyyyy high. Push girl, your doing this!!!

[Ben727]

Just wanted to let you know that I can relate to what you're saying. My first couple weeks (after the first five days) were really hard. All I really wanted to do was stay in my room. My job is intense and demanding, I need to be really "on" at all times.

You might be a bit surprised at how easily you'll snap into work mode, given what you've been through in the last week. You'll still be able to converse and interact normally, although it may be a bit internally uncomfortable and will likely take a lot of energy. I found that I could do what I needed to do, but I needed to rest a LOT in those first months.

I had what you're feeling for the first month or so, and in retrospect, they're kind of like pre-race jitters. Once you get started, you'll feel a lot calmer. It's that period where you're just thinking about it too much that really sucs. It does get a lot better - by two months, you'll be much, much better at whatever it is you do than you ever were on drugs!

[Wildewoman]

Thanks Rosy - I only had 15 Xanax - they were like 6 months old . . . .I don't even remember why I had them.

They REALLY helped with the WD this past weekend. A God send . . . .but I can't get more - it was a 1 time thing.

I need to go put on a face & a dress & heels & a smile . . . .how will I get through this without drugs??

[ROSYouralright]

You can do it! Focus on today! Focus on the one hour... Tomorrow will be here soon enough and u can deal with it then. :) also, be careful with the xanax. They are very addicting and harder to wd from. From all the information I have received.... Your doing great! Hang in there and keep us updated!

[Wildewoman]

I'm trying . . . . . I haven't seen people in 5 days & I feel very "raw".

I think I'll take a Xanax - in the hopes tomorrow I am better & don't need them.

[VICourageous]

Try not to thank about Tomorrow..Just be here now. Each morning that you wake up is better then yesterday..So take a deep Breath and try to calm down. You will be just fine.
Bless