~Strength needed~

[lostdreams]

Well here goes!
I was 'clean'  from Heroin for 2 yrs on Christmas day, of which i was very proud of myself for, however, maybe i became too laid back and thought i could beat my addiction....i dont know.......but i was wrong whatever i thought. New Years Eve i took Heroin and have been on a binge since! I took it the first time thinking that "its only once, i'd be fine".....that once led to another fix and then another, been taking daily (several times a day) since. I got some left...i know i should flush it, but the addict in me says different......

So now, here i am....scared so bad to come off this s**t AGAIN. I know the w/d are the consequences of my actions, i just need to gather the strength to do this and get it over and done with.
I Know addiction is apart of us for life.....i thought i would be fine after 2 yrs sobriety.....thats were i was wrong. I gotta fight this everyday....for me.....for my life......

So here goes.....

[kimmieb]

wow, 2 years!  well, obviously you CAN and DID do it....so as hard as it seems, you CAN do it again....and hopefully will be less traumatic than when you detoxed the first time after being on it for years.....a few weeks this time?  you can overcome that......so glad that you caught it in time, i applaud you for speaking your heart on the forum, and believe me, i'm rooting for you the whole way.....i can tell from the amount of posts here that you've been well loved by everyone.....feel that love and support and encouragement and get back on that horse.....in just one day, you'll be back on the right track again......with even MORE experience and knowledge under your belt.....my prayers and blessings go out to you.....good luck and break a leg! :-)  

wishing you strength, courage, fortitude and peace....
k.

[morganave]

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on the Horse.
We all make mistakes, you made yours forgive yourself and start again. 2 yrs is a long time and you should be very proud.  You can do this you already proved that you are very strong.
Good luck,
Morgan1

[Jacqui805]

I know you know we're your biggest fans and that we have all the confidence in the world in you that you can and WILL overcome this....We're here for you all the way.

[dominosarah]

I am hoping you are feeling all the love and support you are getting here.......You are a strong woman and you will rise above this..........love and hugs to you         sara

[scaredmom330]

baby girl,

am sending you all my strength and prayers...I know you can do this...be strong, you old mom still loves you....

[liscamdave]

You know...I admire you and this post. It takes a strong person to admit when they have fallen. With that said, we all know that you are going to pick yourself up and move on from this. How can learn these lessons without making mistakes along the way. You will be ok. THis I am sure of. You are strong and you want this. You have done it already, and slipped, we all do. You haven't lost your time, just hit a bump in the road. We all have faith in you, so have that faith in yourself.

Almost 2 years ago when I first came here, this forum and the people here helped me and enabled me to get clean for the first time in years. I lasted almost 4 months and was sooooo proud of myself. I did the same, exact thing..I ran into my dealer, thought I could get one 80mg Oxy and take a little peice and just do that every now and then. And that one little peice unleashed the demon that was just lying dormant inside me. I started back up with intensity and found myself right back in hell. Unlike you, it took me months to get back the courage to stop again, but I did and am not a year clean. You are taking that step now..so I am proud of you, and be proud of yourself...DO YOU HEAR ME........................................


xo, Lisa

[alicelost]

please try to stop now-i know how hard it is-i had 2 yrs also clean-and binged/used/cleaned up-over a few months-and used again-now im on day 3..
you are strong-and can do this-its so easy to get drawn back in-its a war-we gotta fight-cos it never goes away-as we both found out-
thanks for your post-and honesty..
peace
alice

[lostdreams]

Thank you guys, i appreciate all of your comments.

I KNOW i can do this, well i sure hope so. I just need to get my a** in gear and start NOW!
I sure hope other people can learn from my mistake of thinking i had this addiction controlled. It is NEVER controlled, we just have to work at it each and everyday to keep IT under control.

Anyway, thanks again guys for the support. I really do appreciate it from the bottom of my heart!
Much love!

[newmanagment]

this is a great post , and should remind us all ..... once an addict ALWAYS an addict. we as addicts will NEVA have any semblance of control over our addiction. thanx for posting , and stick around, this forum is always here to help. much love.....

[gizzy32]

You better get your *** on here today, lol. DON'T MAKE ME PUT THE BOOT ON:)

[Florida_Guy737]

Hi...Your story is a stark reminder for all of us...highlights how any of us can easily slip back to the old lifestyle.  

You haven't been on the binge too long and recognizing your issue, you immediately sought help.  You're strong, been here before, and can beat this again.  

Live Long & Live Strong & Live Proud

Here For You

[commander1]

its never too late to start over. and we all know that once isnt just once. the dts are what keeps me from wanting to stop after that "one time" even once is enough to pull us right back down. 2 years clean is still two years off dope. two years of your life that you got back. now all you gotta rememer is how GOOD those 2 years felt. ho much did you accomplish? how much closer did you get to your loved ones? do you want to lose all of that headway for a little high? i know that dope is good, too good. so good that it circles back around to bad. you gotta keep your head up and above the dregs of dope. a little relapse doesnt erase all the good you have done. stay strong and remember...YOU CAN DO IT, WE ARE HERE TO HELP!

[flmagi]

Get back on track quickly, so your withdrawals won't be so bad. You can do it. You did it before, you'll do it again. Only this time you're much smarter and you now know, just once doesn't work.  It's a forever battle. And that also means you must forever not be around others that have it in their possession.
So consider this a learning experience, flush the rest and get back on track.
Hang in there, you'll be ok.

[nuredshuz]

Hi Lostdreams...I am so sorry to read this...You can do it again...you are much wiser now than you were when you quit 2 years ago...please do not beat yourself up...You screwed up and thats part of life, not just part of recovery...Pick your precious self up and dust your wonderful self off and get yourself back in recovery!! You will do wonderfully on your new journey...this is just a part of it...its ok...stop right now and get yourself back on track...we love you and we support you...if you need to chat...im on the computer at least once a day...i hope the best for you...God bless  you.. you are a true gem of a person...you are a terrific human being and you deserve to be healthy and whole...you WILL be ok!!  ~ peace ~ Kim

[Dave2824]

I am sorry for your loss , and from self experience I can say I know EXACTLY what you are saying when you say you thought this was licked and could handle one little 2 year "celebration" - but like someone else said before me, relapse is a part of recovery- so no beating yourself up. You are strong. You have already proven this to yourself!
Knowing this is half the battle.  
You can do this. You have people who care. Just take the steps you are already familiar with and go at it!!
You have my prayers
God Bless!

[corey411]

So sorry this happened to you. Heroin is a much harder drug to get clean from and you did it for 2 years. That's incredible. I know it ***** knowing you have to go through wds again but the sooner you start the sooner they will be over and the less severe they will be. You know how we can always be gonna just wait till tomorrow to stop. It took alot of courage to post this with all of your cleantime but one of the things that they said at NA that I really think is true is that you have to tell on your addiction...we are as sick as our secrets. We all have the potential to relapse at the drop of a hat. Let me know if I can help in anyway or PM if you wanna talk. GBU, Corey

[scaredmom330]

Baby girl,

I know you can do this again. no matter what I am proud of your 2 years clean. so pick yourself up and start again. we all make mistakes, trust me. it will be ok,. you can do this...you deserve this. take care and please keep in touch.


massive hugs
Mom

[oneup09]

even though i am just a faceless name posting on a forum, i have hope for you, and everyone else facing addiction.

you deserve to live a happy, clean life and experience all that life has to offer. just realize that you deserve to give yourself this chance and that the past does not dictate your future unless you let it!!!

[kim715]

Lots of prayers and love coming your way hon.You're a tough lady and you can do this.You've done it so you know what it takes and you know you have it in you.We're all here to help.Flush the rest of it and keep posting.Peace and love...Kim

[refusingbondage]

WOW.. I am so sorry to hear of your relapse.  You have made the RIGHT decision already by making this post and asking for help.  2 years is a long time and ok, so you've slipped.  What do you do?  Get up dust off and kick a**.  You know what you have to do.  Flush the drugs.  Prepare for some withdrawal - get through that and work your recovery, every single day of your life...your post tells alot about you.  And you are SOO strong for having the courage to put it up.  That is something you should draw from.  Your post also tells me you know the answers but were fooled by your addiction.   We have all been there.. Hang in there and be strong.  Dont beat yourself up.  Love yourself and be a fighter.  All my best.

[gizzy32]

Even though you and I don't talk much now, you are still an inspiration because you overcame one of, if not the hardest drugs to come off of.  You made it 2 years off this drug and you are gonna start again. You have a lot of people here that care about you and the fact you posted says it's time to clean back up and get on track.  Thinking just one time has got me in so much trouble in the past, 1 time turned into a weeks binge, we can't use once.

I know your post is helping people right now cause we can NEVER let our guard down even after clean time under our belt. I'm sorry you relapsed, but that does not mean you failed, you are human and an addict. Please get back up, let the guilt slide and forgive yourself first. Nobody here will judge you hun. We are here for you and know you will get back up. So proud of you S for posting this. Hang in there

[10356]

Thank you for posting this Sheree.. Addiction is for life.. Relapse is a part of recovery even after 2yrs. At some point most of us believe at least once we beat our addiction... You know what to do me true lass... You know I love and support you whatever your decision.. warmly lesa

[dominosarah]

This showed alot of strength to post this.  You are a strong woman my friend.......Time to stand on your feet and take back your life.  We are here to help you.........Get those vitamins or aminos and start taking them....remember what i told you.......lots of love and hugs to you............sara