long story short. I am an addict. both parents are addicts and have been since before i came into this world. I know that is no excuse.. not trying to make it one. Just emphasising that i grew up around the stuff but just failed to see what a pitiful life it brought them... started dabling here and there when i was in 8th grade.. last fall i went code blue (OD)... so i cleaned up for the rest of that college semester.. then i landed a job making about 2grand a week, working seven days a week i didnt spend much money, so i came home from this job with alot of cash saved up.. about 20k. well. my demons won. i started doing oxycontin again, tabs, percs, anything i could find, after growing up and realizing how ****** drugs have made my parents' lives, i know that this is not the way i want to be.. BUT at the same time.. it's also my release or my venting system when i think about my parents and my family.. i come from a typical white trash addict family.. SO i came back home from the job with a pocket full of cash and started doing oxy... started small and for about the past five months i had increased to 150 mg of oxy a day... doing opana here and there intravaneously which was a first... and wow, talk about a rush.. then recently i found out i am having a baby. and i want to give my child a good life. so at 19 years old and a father to be-i have decided to get my **** together for good... the thing is... today is only day 3 clean for me... and today i relapsed.. but only because it was either take a couple darvocets and ONE norco 10 or go to the hospital because the pain in my body was literally unbearable.. i was almost in tears. my joints, muscles.. felt like they were tearing out of my skin.. but i did not want to go to the doctor because i did not want anyone to know about my problem. im ashamed. so i took the pills. now i did go cold turkey which was probably not smart but i believe that i am mentally strong enought to stop. even after taking that stuff three hours ago i am still hurting like no other.. its insane.. so i started surfing the web reading about how to cope with withdrawals and i was suprised to read that using an online forum to seek support was actually really helpful.. so here i am. I feel ****** for taking those pills but i dont think i could have taken the pain much more... please tell me i am not making an excuse to use drugs again, subconciously....