Stuck at 58mg of methadone

[DaleGirl]

I want off this stuff its been 2 years. I was at 110mg just a few months ago, I came down after my insurance was shut off which I got back on a week later. I decided to come down 5 a week. The anxiety got to me so much and sleep was bad I picked up a benzo habit. The clinic didn't like that I had to go to detox when my urines showed that. Well I still wanted off but I usedbezos so my urine is dirty, I used one of those drinks to give me a clean urine stupidly forgetting my urine would show no methadone too. So they may catch on and kick me off, I already went out and bought the zinc/magnesium, and chewable vitamins I read about on here. I can get benzos to help. I do want off the clinic but I am scared to death they will kick me off at 58mg or detox me 5mg a day that's how they handle it when your insurance gets cut. I need to know what to do please help.

[DaleGirl]

Yes I could come clean to them, but as for the urine I used the drink for to them that is unexcusable and reason for immediate dismissal. So I can not tell them I did any such thing I am going to say I drank a lot of water and had joined a gym and perhaps that's why it looked different and then ask for some kind of contract and hope that they will do that for me. I know there will be a period that I wont be 100% for my little girl and husband but I know me and I wont suffer long before I do use something for anxiety, hoping maybe some physician will help me with  that. For now I am taking the zinc/mag and vitamins and hoping somehow I do find a way off. I will not be a lifer, I rather do anything but stay on here  anymore, that last stint in detox cost me my job, so now I am on unemployment, they found a reason to let me gpo but I need that methadone I had to go. THanks again

[EvolverU]

Wow!! Sounds like you're on an even stricter clinic than mine was. They do that sometimes..double up on the urines to 'catch you out'. The thing about clinics no longer tolerating Benzos is pretty across the board. It's happening everywhere.

Okay, so you signed a refusal -- which I gotta' say -- makes the subsequent suspicious urine look even worse (smiling & shaking head, here. I'm so familiar with this stuff! Good times..good times, eh?) What I'd ask you at this point is: If you can stay on, what would you like to do? What you've got to understand is that if you want to come off of M completely you have to really want it & there's most def. gonna' be a period of time where you're not going to be fully 'functional' for your husband & son. Methadone, even when slowly tapered from is a harder kick than other opiates but as I said above, it's doable. The thing is, you have to be prepared to deal w/ things like anxiety & depression without reaching for benzos or anything else, otherwise you'll replace one addiction with another & your brain/body chemistry won't heal. I know plenty of people this has happened to.

I hear you on being scared. I was for many yrs. (I believed I was 'a lifer' -- a belief they encouraged, btw.) I finally got so sick of myself & the system that my self-disgust finally outweighed my apathy/fear/numbness. I'm here to testify that though we might not realize it when we're on, we're not really living. We don't experience things truly. We don't love fully or grieve fully. When I came off, I started living again -- feeling again w/ a vengeance. It was a revelation. You & you're family deserve better. So, let's try to work on this. Do you think you'd feel comfortable answering the question I asked above on coming clean to your place & re: the relationship you have with them? I mean, if you're already tapering & plan to come off, maybe they won't have a problem with you. You could make up a special contract (if they do those at your place.)

Let me know what you think. We're here. Best to you ~ Annie

[DaleGirl]

My urines where clean for 16 months, until I came down on my dose then started using Bezos for anxiety. The third dirty one the clinic made me go to detox for a week, for Bezos but keeping my meth dose. The last 3 urines where clean, they gave me a urine, and three days later again, which is weird, currently my urines are supervised because if you test positive for benzos they do that for awhile, I signed a refusal claiming I was in a hurry, I then went out and got the drink. I was not abusing the benzos I only took two because I was having anxiety, I tried meditation nothing helped so I took two .5mg to help which it did. I am not actively using and abusing I just hate being anxious, I have a terminally ill husband and a 5 year old who maybe bi-polar, they need me to be functioning. The 2 urines within days of eachother was so unheard of there. I hope they do give me a chance. Today they asked me how my  dose was and I said I wanted to go down more. But I still don't think the urine came back yet. Last time they made me sit there for 20 minutes before I dosed for a week to observe me. This clinic doesn't like if you use benzos, but I could be positive for anything ewlse and they could really care less, I guess it can be dangerous but I swear I didn't do that, I wouldn't. I need off this stuff I also need to pursue a good therapist for the anxiety, but so far nobody has helped me and I had to go out and help myself which in the long run didn't help at all only in that moment but people like me cant wait I need to fix the issue now. I know you understand everyone knows how tuff it can be. I am scared and I hope that they do let me come down safely and don't kick  me off.Thanks for listening.

[EvolverU]

HI there & welcome! Thanks for reaching out.

So, can you tell us how long ago you left the urine without methadone metabolites in it? Also, what's your previous urine record like & your relationship w/ your counselor & clinic? (This might make all the difference in how this goes for you!) If you haven't gotten your results back yet you have time to come clean to them in a fully humble & honest manner it would probably weigh heavily in your favor. Yup! I know it's hard but you don't want to be dropped from that dose quickly, if at all possible. I mean, denying it full stop after the results come back won't work. Please, could you tell me what you've seen happen with other peeps on your place who've gotten in this sort of jam?

I was on my last clinic for 20 yrs. (in Boston.) If you could respond to the above & add any other info or thoughts you might feel important, we'll try to work this out. Either way, you CAN get off Methadone. (I came off 28mgs.) Hang in there! We're here.

[DaleGirl]

Thank you so much for your response, I read all the questions/responses going way back all the info is helpful this forum is making me feel a lot better. I am not currently taking the Bezos, but was going to use them if needed coming off the methadone. Today I am dropping down a few mg. I hope to be done with this best in the next few months, that's if they don't catch on and do a rapid detox. I will do it the right way if they let me.

[VICourageous]

Hi and Welcome..I had a bad habit with Methadone for 12 years and I also added the adderral to it so I could make it stretch. Then I took a benzo at night to come down..I got down to 30mg and jumped off of all 3 meds at once. It was no walk in the park and I am no young chic.
If you can get your self down to 5mg for a while that would be good. Methadone is so synthetic and it lives in parts of the body for awhile. There are many of us on here that are happy to be off of this Beast.
I would be very careful or taper down from the Benzo..Believe it or not it was the Benzo that made my detox so long and hard.If you have not been on the benzo very long I would stop now. You should not have a long and real intense w/d if you just get down from one drug..Using more drugs just makes it more that we have to get out of our bodys, and that is not even talking what it does to different Brain Transmitter. The Chems that get unbalanced is the hard part..If you stop now you will do good because you were not on it for a really, really long time. Keep pumping those vit/min and drink lots of water and electrolyte drinks and some protein ones too..
I wish you the best and do keep checking your post..Sometimes it gets slow around here..This one took a hour or more to get some response.
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