Can't do it anymore

[lynnalb15]

After this next week I'm going home. I'll have detoxed enough and know I can't go back to methadone. But I can't be away from my baby girl any longer. She's sick and wants mommy. I am a mother and I'm not there to mother mY child. What the *** is wrong with me. I miss her. I can't wake up here to her smiles or giggles. I'll have to tough it out at home. My dealer has already been contacted and warned that if she deals to me any longer the police will be involved. But I don't want to use. I want to be a mom. I miss my daughter and I can tell my mental stability is no good being away. I hope you all can support my decision although I know it's not what you all expected. Buy I have to. I want to leave now. But try have to taper
Me down for the hydro first. And I can deal with the rest. Ugh. I just can't be away anymore. :/

[gnarly_1]

Lynn your doing the right thing for 1 its going to take that long to get you off the methadone using the hydros will help just so a doctor is giving them to you dont want anybody on the forum trying this in there own I know its got to be heart wrenching but in 3 weeks you will be clean and a really good mommy your baby deserves that and so do you your finely be free from this stuff so hang in there keep posting where all here for you time will fly by your family is in my prayers.........Gnarly

[lynnalb15]

You all are my rock. I talked to my counselor today and told her I would be stickin it out. But my heart hurts worse than any detox. I miss her so much it's killing me. :( I cry every night I don't get to kiss her or put her to bed. And I dot get to wake up to her smiles and giggles. Ugh. 3 weeks left. I got this. Right?

[MikeInFrance]

;))) great decision! You definately are preparing yourself to win this by agreeing to stay.  Good Job!!

[dominosarah]

I am really REALLY glad to hear this.  Now that you have decided to stay put your energy into your recovery.  The sooner you do this the quicker you will see some positive changes.  You know we are there in spirit Lynn, you can do this, i know you can~~sara

[lynnalb15]

Yes your all right. I am staying. I have to. Thank you it's just so difficult.

[dominosarah]

Lynn you have tried to tough it out before and look what happened.  

[MikeInFrance]

I agree completely! If it hurts ao much to be away from your daughter (and it's so so obvious it does) then the beat overall decision u can make for her , you and your fiancé is to do this the right way. It's like relapsing.... If the drug is there and we are stressed then chances are we use it.... If we have more clean time behind us and the detox is done correctly then we have so much more of a fighting chance. If you stay and I sincerely hope you do then you are making the best decision for you and your daughter. Children are very impressionable so think about her seeing you messed up at times (off an on) as opposed  to not being there for a little while longer and her having her mommy back 100% later. Although she may not understand the struggle today she will appreciate this decision down the road as I know u will to. And it's also a great deterrent for u to use again because I neve want to be away from your daughter for so long again. God be with you in whatever u decide  ...my only hope is that HE guides you into doing the right thing for your future.

[gnarly_1]

your a good mom Lynn and your feeling what any good mom would feel your going to have to get past the feelings to get well then there will be no relapse because your feeling like crap trust the doctors on this one your baby is is good hands grandmas got her your b/f got her everything is going to be fine..............Gnarly

[lynnalb15]

I know gnarly. I know. It's not what's best and I shouldn't leave but it's so so hard. God I just want to hold her. I have three weeks left. That's a life time to me. Ugh

[gnarly_1]

Hi Lynn I know your daughter is pulling on your heart strings but you got to get well b/4 your going to be any good to her if your home dope sick your not going to be able to care for her please think this one out your not going to be well at home you cant detox that fast methadone stays with you for a wile it took me 3 mo to feel better please let them detox you the right way then you will have a fresh start we will support what ever you do but im looking out for both you and your baby I know just how lousy this stuff makes you feel even 2 mo later let them do the detox properly your friend Mark