Has your husband ever smoked, or over-ate, or had any problems with drinking? If he's like my wife and has never been hooked on anything, then he won't be able to ever really understand. There are groups for families of addicts and boozers. See if he'd be willing to go to a meeting; it would be a good education. My wife found it very helpful; she was able to talk with other partners who had to deal with an addict of some sort.
And yeah, get further along the road to recovery and then look at quitting smoking. Both at once probably wouldn't work.
I think it's really hard for people who haven't gone through it. I tried to be supportive of my ex-husband with his battle with alcohol and occasional drug use. When he did get sobriety, I found myself being overbearing, always asking if he was okay. If he was 10 minutes late, I was convinced he was drinking.
After going through withdrawals due to dependence after many surgeries, I have a different view of things. And some people don't understand there's a difference between dependence and addiction.
I think most people don't really know how to be supportive and don't know how hard it really is. Just experiencing the physical part, for me, was probably the most difficult thing I've experienced. But it opened my eyes and it's changed how I try to be supportive of people I care about in recovery or struggling with an addiction.
Yep, Kyle is right on, I 100% agree. I really feel like I've been walking a razor's edge of doing what I need to do for me, while also acknowledging my wife's legitimate feelings about the whole thing. Basically, if your partner hasn't been through it, they don't know what you're going through, and the length of time it will take you to get "through it" :) About eight days and you should be getting over the flu, right? But you're just exiting physical WD and need a ton of support over next 20 days. It ain't the flu, it's a whole lot more than that, right? Try to see it their way as much as you can, and help them get educated, either through meetings, or therapy! Oh, and congratulations on all you've accomplished! You should be so proud of yourself!
Thank you for as the suggestions and no he has never been addicted to anything. I will try not to lose my temper. I know he just wants the best for me. I am just all over the map emotionally right now and I know that will ease up eventually. I did explain to him that my addiction has really altered the way my brain functions and that it takes time to heal. I asked him to look into alanon and also look up at some of the scientific information that I have read that helped me to educate myself and understand what I am up against.
And this may be a moot point, but try to tell him, as I did my wife, that you didn't go in to this thinking "what the hey, I think I'll become an addict". I am an alcoholic (an equal opportunity addict); stopped drinking 27 years ago. 12 years in to my sobriety I found pills. The first major operation of my life; got pain meds, and here I sit 15 years later, only 8 months clean from Norco. What I'm rambling on about is when the doc gave me the meds for pain I had NO idea what was coming. I was a boozer; pills were nothing to me, thus I didn't plan on starting all over again abusing pain meds. When you took your first pill you didn't plan on becoming an addict. Now you have recognized your problem, have told him, and are doing something about it. You should be congratulated.
My hubby is not an addict either. In fact, he had the exact same back surgery as me w/diff results!! He never got addicted and didn't take many pain pills at all (actually, I probably ate most of them) But he has more knowledge about addictions, co-dependency (both ways w/us) and a lot of 12 step program exposure thru my family. I just share and share and share w/him to help him understand me. I had wreck/surgeries, etc. and snowballed up to 20-30 hydro 10'a/day, somas, anti-depressant 80 mg, and a nerve damage pill that affects my gaba receptors. My brain is really messed up! I became really, really addicted the last 6 yrs and am clean 65 days today and off suboxone 37 days. I am soooo tired, but my hubby loves it that my eyes are clear, I giggle a lot again and laugh at life, I get mad, too, ha!
He says my personality is back but just not my body.
Don't quit smoking NOW says me, ha! That will just affect your nicotine receptors in your brain and it's already being taxed trying to w/d and heal from opiates and your pain receptors are saying "where's the dope??"
(kinda like the old Wendy's commercial where's the beef, huh?)
Hang in there girl. If I share a post or some info off of here w/my hubby, I just keep it anonymous and he still gets the picture.
It helps to know I am not alone. I was a drinker too but quit 15 years ago which for me was a walk in the park compared to this. I too started taking the pills after a knee surgery and thought these are great. By the time I realized what opiates do I was hooked. He is well aware that I am addicted. He has known for years but, it seems like he is giving me a harder time while I am trying to do something about it than he did while I was using. He thinks I should just pull myself by the bootstraps and get on with it. Before I really didn't care what he thought because I was so numb from the pills. I do think I am over sensitive right now but, that is ok. I have to just let myself feel what a feel moment to moment because if I get PO'd I know that is when I am at my weakest. I am hanging in. You guys give me hope. :-)
If all we had to do was pull on our bootstraps, well, this forum would not be here. I know what you're going through. But I guess you should be happy that he's not an addict. Neither of us need a spouse who is an enabler.
TRUE!!!!!! Grateful for that :-)