Taking the plunge..

[BlondeChick10]

I have had enough... Does anyone have experience with just ending the 10 mg Oxy safety net and stopping CT?  I feel this is prolonging the inevitable.  

[BlondeChick10]

Thank you! The support on here is keeping me from go back on that train.  I actually went to Happy Hour today (pill free) a casual user in the group usually offers a Vic or Perc she took one I didn't even blink or come up with phantom ache we just kept the conversations going as there was 5 of us.. As for the drinks I had diet coke as I wanted sliders and a potato skin so I opted to use the calories on food. I never had the problem passing up a drink but a Vic or Perc was another story.  Prior to that earlier today, one of my friends a guy that i have been friends with since college as we are in the same line of work different locations tho but always in touch said he had dental surgery on Friday and asked how I was feeling and I replied I am ok he said well if you need anything let me know or I will flush you know i don't take that s:?!.. He knows I had back surgery and being the drama queen I always played up my pain to manipulate friends for their pills.. Neither of these two friends know I had owned that I had a problem and stopped and have been substance free since last weekend.. Proud that I stayed strong. Just venting!

[YesLife4Me]

I hated that no energy/yawning more than anything!   And to be honest, it comes and goes for a few weeks.   It's called PAWS (post acute withdraw symptoms).   Out of the blue you get sneezing fits, yawning, acheyness, tiredness, fatigue, bad tummy, restlessness, anxiety.   But the good news is that they don't happen all at the same time as during the acute withdraw and when they do happen, they come further and further apart.   We didn't get to the addiction stage overnight, so it is going to take a little while for our bodies and minds to heal up.   I would just keep telling myself that I am healing as if I had a major surgery, and I can't do it all right now.   You just have to be ok with not being ok.   Once I accepted that, I didn't dwell on my symptoms as much.   Another piece of good advice was to not over think anything I had to do.   Just get up and do it.   Whenever I'd start thinking too much about that pile of laundry or other chores, I would feel overwhelmed and want to just bag it.   If I just did it, I would feel better afterwards.   Just like you are doing with your work.   You are doing fantastic.    Yeah...normal?  What is that?   :)  

[BlondeChick10]

It gets better but not PERFECT. Made through work today off site for the day another first without having to rely on a Vic.. The irritability seems to pick up at night after I have worked and made dinner and just when I start to relax - the sneezes start up with a runny nose and minor body aches and some irritability.. I wish I could find the motivation to exercise I just truly yawn all day long..  I know it hasn't been that long but may I have some slack? I just want to feel "normal" whatever that maybe...

[BlondeChick10]

Thank you I did take a hot bath and it helped .. Sooo tired though.  I know everyone says exercise but I am lazy I hope that changes soon.. That's why I count every calorie to the T ( almost like I counted my scripts).. I live near the beach and in the winter it is very peaceful New England so it is chilly but this past,weekend I did sit on my beach and reflect alone with a cup of tea.  This weekend I will try to walk around as each day I am feeling smidgins better.  I made it to the grocery store after work which was big for me as the past ten days I worked cane home and shut out the world ..except dinner with husband last Saturday

[littlebit667]

can you get out and just take a walk??  That helped me sometimes.  Our body is all over the place for awhile and we need to help it with new routines to keep it busy.  I know one person turned the music up loud and danced around the kitchen!  Whatever gets you out of yourself for awhile usually helps.  Everyone is different about when it gets better.  It took me about 3 weeks to "feel" normal and not have anxiety everyday.

[BlondeChick10]

Does it get better?  Made it thru work today : ). Tylenol and Advil were my friends and some acai green tea!  The day was ok and I was able to not interact with anyone until 2 pm since I needed something from my secretary.. It was hard because a colleague I usually see and catch upwith first thing in the morning sent me an email on how I was?   LOL we are in the same building/floor! But since I did not go check in she was like where is Ann.  She has NO idea what I am going thru but I pretended I was busy..now that I am home this is the hard part.  I am home alone with a head ache, body aches , malaise and nausea.. When does it get better?????  I know everyone says exercise ..

[BlondeChick10]

Thank you for your support. LOL he did know ( but my posts are more like rants;  thats why twitter is hard for me to use. The limit to 140 characters is not enough for me)but its hard to explain to someone when they haven't been there ( Perc made him vomit post surgery) I   did reiterate last night at dinner that I need him to be patient and at times I will be moody and he said he understands and will not take it personal.  

[notordinary]

I'm sorry i thought he did not know. As i read your post again i see that i did misread it. And then you asked me how my sis responded to me telling her so i assumed he did not know.  Lol
Sorry got it straight now.  Have a nice dinner.  

[notordinary]

I taped from 80-100mg a day down to 20-30 then stopped.
I wrote my taper down and did it. Some days i dropped faster than other's.
I let my body be my guide. And was determined to get off opiates.
Look up my old posts and there you will see what i did.
Cannot give taper advise on here. Sorry.  

[HookLineandSinker68]

That was sopose to be a pm sorry trying to figure this out. Please pm me the answer...

[HookLineandSinker68]

Please tell me how you tapered for the least least wd... What were wd like when tapering? Can you function ?  60 to 70 mg v habit over a year. Down to 40 mg now and okay... Thanks.

[notordinary]

That's great. Now he knows and in time will see what your going through. Hopefully he will be more sympathetic.
Great job getting out of the house.  

[BlondeChick10]

Thank you for the nudge and support : ) I am getting in the shower and we are going to get something to eat.. I wish he would understand what I am really going through.  He jsaid he does but i am not sure Or I am overly sensitive which I am.. We just talked for a few minutes and he said he gets it and is not taking it personal.

[notordinary]

Sorry you are not feeling well.  
Get ur a** out of bed and do something.  It will make you feel better. And take ur mind off of things.
Cut him some slack.  Have you told him yet?
This is about you not him, how is he responsible for how you feel. Avoid him if you have too.
I think you will feel better if you open up to him. Let him know how you are feeling. lift the burden off your shoulders.

[BlondeChick10]

Unoccupied mind is trouble ..I need to focus and not just lay around thinking about how nice a Vic would be.  Everyone that is on here that said working is good during this process is right.  It is after 3 pm and I have not left my bedroom.   I am irritable and have a head ache and very curt with my spouse whom I have not seen all week.. Everything he does irritates me from coughing to talking... I want to be left alone... At least when I was at work last week I kept busy with work related matters.  Now it is just the two of us and I am irritable .WHY?

[notordinary]

She never knew.  She just told me that she would pray for me and she loved me. And also told me that i should have known better than to use them as long as i did.
I told her all the doctor's told me is i would have to take them the rest of my life.
It was like no big deal. But it sure made me feel better to tell her.
I'm a person that can't lay my head down at night if something is troubling me. I have to get it out and try and fix whatever it is.
On the pills, i didn't care about anything i just went to bed. Np.

[BlondeChick10]

Thank you for supporting me ! If you don't mind what was your sister's reaction? Did she know and not say anything or were you able to play the facade too?

[notordinary]

That my dear depends on your conscience. Me i would have to tell my spouse. To come clean. But that's just me. I'm honest to a fault. Open mouth insert foot.  
I recently told my older sis that had no idea. there is a great burden that is lifted once you open up. It puts everything into perspective for other's.  
You sound great and are doing well.  Congrats.  

[notordinary]

That my dear depends on your conscience. Me i would have to tell my spouse. To come clean. But that's just me. I'm honest to a fault. Open mouth insert foot.  
I recently told my older sis that had no idea. there is a great burden that is lifted once you open up. It put everything into perspective for other's.  
You sound great and are doing well.  Congrats.  

[BlondeChick10]

TGIF made it to Friday actually made it in on time.. Was able to interact with colleagues not under the influence of an opioid ... Is has really been years.  I will not see the taper was easy but I managed I think I just had enough of the facade and charade it was really getting old to keep up with..  Finding my self counting Vic's and OC s to the T.  Happy when my prescription would need to be refilled on Sat or Sun so I could have a few extra.. The last year it has been ridiculous.. Found my self to comfortable depending on the opioid and maintaining the charade .. Feel like the Mardi Gras mask has been removed.  Seriously,  imam 40 years old and most of thirties I was dependent for what started out as a legitimate medical necessity to an obsession.  I feel very fortunate that my facade was soooo well disguised that I soared in my job and never found myself in legal trouble or financial trouble I always had my own prescription and when I wanted extra or ran low I have a few friends that didn't abuse and they would call and I would talk about PMS or anything and get them to feel bad for me and give me something.. Except for the one friend who would dispense at Happy Hour for rec purposes.  ... LIFE is STRANGE  I am thinking about my actions with a clearer head and I can't believe that I was sooo manipulative and the master of disguise.  My professional endeavors soared while I was on opiates and I was able to perform at high level functionally... I guess no one would ever have suspected not even my husband .  My next step is sharing this secret with my BFF who called me out I don't think I need to tell my colleagues etc...any thoughts on who needs to know?
    

[BlondeChick10]

Made it thru another day of work :). I didn't get in until 845 but I made it in and was productive to an extent... Declined Happy Hour with a few friends as I know one of the girls always has Percs and although I have no desire I don't feel like explaining why... I have NEVER been one to refuse a Perc even if I had my own prescription!  The drinks at Happy Hour are not a problem; most times I usually just have a diet coke with some appetizers.  I count calories to the T so I don't waste calories on liquor so if I am going to go outside of my caloric allotment it needs to taste good....not that in college I did not hit the night clubs and spring breaks and indulge but never had a difficulty growing out of that phase also I didn't even know what a prescription opiate was back then ( blonde). I am great full for that as this life of mine could have been completely different ...

[BlondeChick10]

Thank you everyone for supporting me through as this community really is getting me through this.  I don't really know about NA/AA or resources in the community but all of my friends on this site understand what is going on with me and relate to me.  I don't think I would have gotten this far without this site.....   Today my body is not being kind to me but I will get thru. I ordered some liquid B12 for under my tongue from a Compounding/Natural Pharmacy and I will pick it up on my lunch today.  I look forward to my friends  on here who believe in me and read my vents and then offer advice and encouragement.. I share a lot of my feelings and it feels good to release them as I tend to be very expressive about my feelings except for this secret I think it is because when I have tried to tell my spouse in the past he just looked at me like I was crazy and said " are you using your prescriptions as prescribed?"  Of course I said yes and failed to elaborate on how this summer I have manipulated my Primary Care into prescribing a Percocet or Vicodin for every ache and pain...

[notordinary]

I know the hardest thing for me was to make my mind up about something.
Should i go? No I'll just stay where I'm comfortable. It is hard to get into the grove of things once we start to get clean. You have to push yourself.
So going to work everyday is going to be a good thing for you. Not only keeps your mind busy, and you stay active. And that is a plus. An idle mind early on in wd's is not so good for us. Makes us over rationalize everything. At least for me.
You doing great. Keep posting to lets us know how you are doing.
God speed.  

[conhall]

congrats on getting through another day Each day it gets easier :)