This post has been more help to me than just about anything. Your strength inspires me. Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you Deanna and Weaver! I cant begin to express how much I appreciaate everyones support and encouragement! Thisis why this forum works and has helped so many people! Now granted, I know people need to have in their face support too but this is a great start to get many of us to where we need ot be.
If it wasnt for the support of all of you, I would have certainly had a case of the "F*ckits* and just went and found more pills. You guys give me the strength I need to push through this.
Love ya all!!
Dont be so hard on yourself. Relapsing is part of the learning process. Every time you relapse...you learn!!! You learn the hard way, but you do learn and it humble's you until you complete submit to the fact that you will have to fight every single day to stay clean. Some of those days are alot harder than others. I have relapsed so many times and felt so ashamed...such a hypocrite. Telling everyone I cared about that I was done, that I would never use again. Only to relapse, isolate, and feel overwhelmed by the guilt. The person who is strong and gets back up after a failure is the one who eventually wins is fight...and you are one of those people. Just from being on this site, admitting your relapse makes you stronger than others who cant admit it to themselves or others. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and continue your fight....you can and will get through it and come out the winner...as long as you dont give up!!!
I didn't get a pink cloud. I felt pretty bad for 3 months, and I'm still crawling out of it. You had many signs to warn you. Isolation, over confident, putting less importance on telling people and your recovery. I have a list of signs that let me know I'm slipping. Taking a pill is one phase of relapse, not the begining or the end. Relapse begings in the heart and mind, then it goes into action, then the progression of use, then jails, institutions, or death. I'm really glad you didn't throw in the towel. Today, you have a better understanding of your addiction, you're not starting over. Stories like yours and years of my own life, are why I rant a rave in desperation at times. I try to get help before I actually go back. I'm still not sure I'll beat this forever, that in itself is humbling. Thanks for sharing and sticking around, you've helped me once again. I have found Gorski's CENAPS model of recovery and relapse prevention helps me be aware of relapse patterns and habits, before I use.
Sweetheart, Dont feel bad AT ALL! Like my Post said, I was isolating again and so I relapsed long before I took those pills! There was nothing anyone could have done because Im the one who stopped putting in 100% work!
So please dont feel bad. You have been there for me in so many ways, so many times and your a good friend :) This was going to happen, but Im just glad I am able to learn from it and hopefully share what I learned with you and everyone else so it wont happen again.
xo
T, thank you for being so honest!! I'm new to the forum. But have learned so much about this disease that I have! Some very scary s...!! Thank u for the reminder to always be on guard and not let my guards down to recover!
At the moment I'm feeling great. Actually just got home from church. Admitted to an elder of my church of my addiction to pain meds and asked her to pray for me. It's a process!! I will never ever put my guards down. God will strengthen me to defeat this addiction. I'm getting stronger and stronger everyday. I pray you all find strength in Gods love today and everyday.
I also like what someone said. It's actually biblical :: don't worry about yesterday. Yesterday is gone. Don't fret about tomm. It's not here yet!! Let's live in the now and deal w today!! We can all handle today. It's easier for me to look at things One day at a time!!
Hopefully this can and will help at Least one person.
Love to all!!! Chris;)
We r so alike that I know exactly how many pills u took and that's one to many. If u don't swallow it, shoot it, or put it up ur nose then u can't get high or drunk. Remember that.
Learn from this and dust urself off n try again and tell yourself every morning u wake up that ur stronger than yesterday.