Aa
Time to take the plunge..
Well I took my last quarter sub this morning and by tonight should really start feeling the wds. I've got my brother coming up tommorow to help with the kids so I'm verrrry relieved about that. I tried a couple weeks ago to go ct but having no help with my young ones made it pretty impossible. Glad and very grateful that I finally got help lined up. Since then I've been taking very small amounts of sub, hardly enough to keep me out of full blown wds so I'm hoping the two weeks I've spent feeling crappy pay off in that I won't get hit too bad but no matter what wds throw at me I'm feeling ok about it because I have help coming.
On one hand I'm nervous and even a bit scared but really I just wanna get this over with!!! I am going to do as many meetings as I can once I get through detox. I might even join AA because in my area there are far more AA meetings and I really could do 90 in 90. NA around here doesn't have that many meetings so at best I could only do 3 maybe 4 a week. I want to do 90 in 90 or very close to it because I know in my heart I'll NEED to. I've gotten through the worst wds imaginable before but like so many others it's the depression and anxiety that got me both other times I quit. I didn't seek aftercare those times and I hope by really throwing myself head first into recovery that will be what makes the difference this time. I have to face the issues that led me to self medicate and although it's going to be very painful and very uncomfortable I know it's neccessary to face those demons and get rid of them so they can't keep hurting me. I've carried around incredible pain inside for far too long and I have never learned how to truly let go of the past. Hopefully recovery will help me do just that. Because living the way I have is not an option anymore. I've lost enough to the stupid pills, almost lost my life too and enough is enough. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired and I'm willing to do what it takes to stay clean. I'm not kidding myself though, I know this is going to be very very hard. I'm glad to have you guys here because it will make the coming days, weeks, months etc easier to get through knowing there are people here I can talk to who know exactly what it's like to get off opiates. That's very reassuring. So here goes..
On one hand I'm nervous and even a bit scared but really I just wanna get this over with!!! I am going to do as many meetings as I can once I get through detox. I might even join AA because in my area there are far more AA meetings and I really could do 90 in 90. NA around here doesn't have that many meetings so at best I could only do 3 maybe 4 a week. I want to do 90 in 90 or very close to it because I know in my heart I'll NEED to. I've gotten through the worst wds imaginable before but like so many others it's the depression and anxiety that got me both other times I quit. I didn't seek aftercare those times and I hope by really throwing myself head first into recovery that will be what makes the difference this time. I have to face the issues that led me to self medicate and although it's going to be very painful and very uncomfortable I know it's neccessary to face those demons and get rid of them so they can't keep hurting me. I've carried around incredible pain inside for far too long and I have never learned how to truly let go of the past. Hopefully recovery will help me do just that. Because living the way I have is not an option anymore. I've lost enough to the stupid pills, almost lost my life too and enough is enough. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired and I'm willing to do what it takes to stay clean. I'm not kidding myself though, I know this is going to be very very hard. I'm glad to have you guys here because it will make the coming days, weeks, months etc easier to get through knowing there are people here I can talk to who know exactly what it's like to get off opiates. That's very reassuring. So here goes..
You sound like you got everything all set. You have faith. Your gonna hit your meetings. You have help. I look forward to seeing your posts and if you do what you said your going to do. Youll get it.
lol, looks like we both missed eachothers posts!! Yes God has helped me before and I know he hasn't given up on me. I feel bad I let him down but I am going to reach out to Him again and I know He will help me through this and this time I'm doing it right. AFTERCARE!! Lots of it. I think I finally have a good plan to not just get clean but STAY clean. And the good Lord above will see me through. He always helps those who help themselves. He has been waiting patiently for me to finally "get it" and I think I do!!!
I do believe in God (scroll up and read my post about what I came across today when I was trying to find out which verse "I will restore you to the years that the locust hath eaten" came from. I googled it and all of a sudden I was reading a piece regarding addiction. I took it as a sign from the big guy himself. That He wants me to get clean and that everything I think I've lost and wasted is not. That God will RESTORE me and all the blesings he had in store for me while I was using will be given to me so I have not thrown it all away..he;s been saving it up for me. Check it out, it was really reasssuring to read and I found it by pure coincidence..although maybe not coincidence..I think God wanted me to find that page and know that He is still there for me and always has been. He was just waiting for me to see the light and take the steps I have to in order to reclaim my life.
Anyways sorry to ramble..my minds allover the place right now. And yes, I think I'll spend the evening in the tub. I might go to a meeting tonight too. I think getting out of my head is exactly what I need to do!
Anyways sorry to ramble..my minds allover the place right now. And yes, I think I'll spend the evening in the tub. I might go to a meeting tonight too. I think getting out of my head is exactly what I need to do!
im so happy to see you believe in God dident see your post b/4 I wrote mine God
he makes all the difference in doing this......Gnarly
he makes all the difference in doing this......Gnarly
Hey girl your hanging in there like a champ remember YOU CAN DO THIS and you are
dont know if you believe in God our not and im not going to shove him down your throat
but during my withdrawals prayer seamed to help Jesus heres those that cry out his name
I tryed praying to make it stop but found it better to pray for strength to get threw it
by his grace we are forgiven but there is still consequences for our sin hence the withdrawals but it defenetly helped to pray and I will pray for you now stay strong
keep telling yourself this is only temporary and should be over in around 4 days
remember you just got to be ok without being ok for a wile..this to shall pass
when your brother gets there spend as much time as you can in the tub it will keep the creepy crawlys off you keep forcing the fluids gatoraid is a good one if you can stomach the protein shaks they will keep you going callore wise...and keep posting to let us know how you are good luck and God bless....Gnarly
dont know if you believe in God our not and im not going to shove him down your throat
but during my withdrawals prayer seamed to help Jesus heres those that cry out his name
I tryed praying to make it stop but found it better to pray for strength to get threw it
by his grace we are forgiven but there is still consequences for our sin hence the withdrawals but it defenetly helped to pray and I will pray for you now stay strong
keep telling yourself this is only temporary and should be over in around 4 days
remember you just got to be ok without being ok for a wile..this to shall pass
when your brother gets there spend as much time as you can in the tub it will keep the creepy crawlys off you keep forcing the fluids gatoraid is a good one if you can stomach the protein shaks they will keep you going callore wise...and keep posting to let us know how you are good luck and God bless....Gnarly
Wow the wds are just kicking my sorry butt now. In the last hour the RLS has kicked in like crazy and no amount of hylands is helping!! I just want to chop my legs OFF at the moment. And the hot and cold stuff - I'm sweating like crazy one minute and freezing to death the next.. ok ok I know it will pass but uggggghhh
Trying to keep it in mind that this will pass and it's just my body letting me know it's pizzed at me for abusing it but man, two hours ago I was like ok not so bad and bam it hit me! The bathtub does bring relief but the minute I jump out it starts again. I might be spending A LOT of time in the tub for the next few days. On the bright side my brother is due to show up anytime now so hopefully him being here will help distract me from what I'm feeling right now. I have to go get my kids from preschool soon and am going to try and put some makeup on and look relatively human. This really ***** but I'm hanging in there.
Ok I should know this but how long does the really bad stuff last for? 3 days? 4 days? Jumping from high dose of oc last time it was SEVEN days of nonstop hell but I hope I get away with having just 3 or 4 days this time because I did the quarter sub a day as opposed to jumping from a ridiculously high dose of oxy... well I can hope can't I?? ;)
Trying to keep it in mind that this will pass and it's just my body letting me know it's pizzed at me for abusing it but man, two hours ago I was like ok not so bad and bam it hit me! The bathtub does bring relief but the minute I jump out it starts again. I might be spending A LOT of time in the tub for the next few days. On the bright side my brother is due to show up anytime now so hopefully him being here will help distract me from what I'm feeling right now. I have to go get my kids from preschool soon and am going to try and put some makeup on and look relatively human. This really ***** but I'm hanging in there.
Ok I should know this but how long does the really bad stuff last for? 3 days? 4 days? Jumping from high dose of oc last time it was SEVEN days of nonstop hell but I hope I get away with having just 3 or 4 days this time because I did the quarter sub a day as opposed to jumping from a ridiculously high dose of oxy... well I can hope can't I?? ;)
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