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7 Days clean CT when will my happiness return :-(
Okay I dont even know where to start .. I never posted on one of these firums but found reading them very helpful. I as everyone else thought I was Super Woman Super Mom I could do anything on pills which eventually turned to methadone ... WORST MISTAKE ...I only used the methadone for about 3 months but pills suboxone for years I Stopped taking the Methadone 2 months ago and quit smoking that same day. But turned to Tramadol not much but 2 or 3 a day for the 2 months. I am now in 7 days with NOTHING cold turkey. Most of the sweating, Chills, Felling hot but freezing feelings have subsided but BOY do I not have any energy to do any house cleaning, cooking etc. I have a 1.5 year old so It is tough. I have a great Fiance who has no clue what I am going through b/c I did this all behind everyones back ... UGH ... Makes me sick to think about it. I will not touch another pill ever again! But my question is when will I feel happy? I did not have a tough life at all ... And I have a beautiful baby a house and a great Fiance I should be a happy woman but I am not, I am mean and everything aggravates me and I just want to be happy and have my life back ... I can barely remember who I was but I know I was not this person ...
I had a dealer not a dr. already cut all ties with her ... Not a friend at all ... I have been down this road before with my Fiance before we had our son. I dont want to lose his trust and be looked at AGAIN as a junkie and not being trusted. It ***** bad! I feel like if I could get past the tough part I will be ok. Just started attending Christian Church I feel that God is my higher power that gave me the courage and stregnth to stop I prayed and prayed and one day I just didnt use. My family is my everything, but I have been a distant girlfreind and I feel awful for this. My lack in my relationship with him was sickening, I was just flying around cleaning and living in my own world, that I can look back and see even though its only been a week. He may have an idea I do not know and I dont want to know, I just want to be what he and my son deserve. I feel like crap about these things. NOT ONE person that I talk to or assocaite myself with does drugs not one. I have cut ties with those ppl YEARS ago. I think with the support on this froum and God I can do this. This is how I am feeling right now ... But you know thoughts in 10 minutes I can be crying! I am not going to lie I am a little of a mental mess lately
You've got some great advice from some wonderful folks, but I just though I'd add my two or three cents.
First of all, where did you get the meds? You have to cut all of your sources, and if you were getting the meds from a dealer or a "friend", then that can be difficult. And just a warning, trams are a tough one. It will take a while to get your motivation and natural good feelings back, BUT, they do return.
Finally, a warning. You really need to get your boyfriend involved. You need an immediate support system. You can't do this on your own. You may get through a week or a month clean, then your head will start whispering to you that you can take "just one", or that "you deserve it because you've worked so hard and need a break". It will happen. Getting through the physical part of any detox is a piece of cake compared to the mental struggle - that's why a lot of people relapse.
This is not easy. It will have to be a life-long commitment. But, in time, you will feel like yourself again, and the natural highs from being a wife or a mother are so much better than anything you can get from a pill. Bottom line, your child deserves the mother that you haven't been while using.
K
First of all, where did you get the meds? You have to cut all of your sources, and if you were getting the meds from a dealer or a "friend", then that can be difficult. And just a warning, trams are a tough one. It will take a while to get your motivation and natural good feelings back, BUT, they do return.
Finally, a warning. You really need to get your boyfriend involved. You need an immediate support system. You can't do this on your own. You may get through a week or a month clean, then your head will start whispering to you that you can take "just one", or that "you deserve it because you've worked so hard and need a break". It will happen. Getting through the physical part of any detox is a piece of cake compared to the mental struggle - that's why a lot of people relapse.
This is not easy. It will have to be a life-long commitment. But, in time, you will feel like yourself again, and the natural highs from being a wife or a mother are so much better than anything you can get from a pill. Bottom line, your child deserves the mother that you haven't been while using.
K
Hi
Right now I am ok I guess...But that will change I feel like I am ok then I start feeling sorry for myself and get frustrated so eaisly. I have no patience this past week. Def need to get out of my house, I live in New England and its just so cold out. Everything is getting on my nerves, I think its more of what I did to myself that is making me feel so miserable. What was I thinking why did I let this happen ... Those are the thoughts I let run wild. I am sure everyone feels this way.
I need to just take it day by day ... I guess I should be thankful I didnt ruin all my relationships with my loved ones. But I def pushed everyone away amnd now I am an emtional mess at times :(
Right now I am ok I guess...But that will change I feel like I am ok then I start feeling sorry for myself and get frustrated so eaisly. I have no patience this past week. Def need to get out of my house, I live in New England and its just so cold out. Everything is getting on my nerves, I think its more of what I did to myself that is making me feel so miserable. What was I thinking why did I let this happen ... Those are the thoughts I let run wild. I am sure everyone feels this way.
I need to just take it day by day ... I guess I should be thankful I didnt ruin all my relationships with my loved ones. But I def pushed everyone away amnd now I am an emtional mess at times :(
Thank You! You guys are so caring :)
I have been taking a Strong Multivitiman but I will try a protein shake.
I have been taking a Strong Multivitiman but I will try a protein shake.
You are right. I am thankful that my son is young and I will be the mom he deserves, he is everything to me. The house UGH I hate when its messy and that really gets to me, I feel that I should have it spotless because it always was .. I was always RUNNING AND RUNNING I never sat down. Now I am barely up LOL
I know it takes time and your right and addict does not like that word. I do want it all to happen right now! Its just my head messing with me I guess. I am grateful I have made it this far and I have no intentions of looking back just want to feel "how I think every other" "NORMAL" Person is feeling.
Thanks Brokenspiritandsoul :-) x0
I know it takes time and your right and addict does not like that word. I do want it all to happen right now! Its just my head messing with me I guess. I am grateful I have made it this far and I have no intentions of looking back just want to feel "how I think every other" "NORMAL" Person is feeling.
Thanks Brokenspiritandsoul :-) x0
Hey hunny, just take it one day at a time. One minute at a time. When I'm all low and depressed, I get the Hell put of my house. Walk around the park, o to the beach, watch a funny movie, etc. how are you feeling right now?
Congrats on taking your life back and welcome to the forum.
Tramadol has an anti depressant effect so it is miserable to come off of. I was prescribed it for a few months for fibromyalgia and I used codeine to help me come off of it. I never got a high at all from tramadol so it was frustrating that I had to suffer for nothing, lol.
It will take time for your brain to heal from all the abuse but the longer you are cleaner the faster you will heal. Make sure you are taking good care of your body. Take some good vitamins, B, C, D;s etc. Calcium, magnesium.
Protein shakes are great, ensures, carnation instant breakfasts. They are all full of vitamins and nutrients that our bodies are lacking.
Tramadol has an anti depressant effect so it is miserable to come off of. I was prescribed it for a few months for fibromyalgia and I used codeine to help me come off of it. I never got a high at all from tramadol so it was frustrating that I had to suffer for nothing, lol.
It will take time for your brain to heal from all the abuse but the longer you are cleaner the faster you will heal. Make sure you are taking good care of your body. Take some good vitamins, B, C, D;s etc. Calcium, magnesium.
Protein shakes are great, ensures, carnation instant breakfasts. They are all full of vitamins and nutrients that our bodies are lacking.
I don't want to discourage you but I will be as honest as I can be with my experience. I am 98 clean today from a 20 a day addiction to Norco. I am happy that I am clean but I still struggle with true "happiness"! My aftercare group keeps telling me that it just takes time! I am an adduct so I want it all to happen NOW so I dont like the time word! Dont get me wrong, I laugh now and smile but still dont feel complete. I am learning and growing daily on who I am. The pills change us so we have to create the new us. Take things day by day. Stop and enjoy the small things! Be happy that your 1.5 year old now has the mom that he/she deserves. I try to remind myself daily of the things I should be grateful for. Dont be upset that your house is a mess...be grateful you have a house. Dont be upset that your kid is cranky...be grateful your kid is around. These are examples of what I try and tell myself every day! I am very grateful that I am not alone in this journey! Everyone here knows what you are going thru and will help you every step of the way! Keep on trying!
Those are normal feelings and you will start to learn who the "clean" you is in time...
I came clean with him the last time I did this. He was not so happy with me and it ruined his trust with me. I know this may sound like an addict thing to say but I am NOT going back .... NO WAY .... I am done I have been mentally done for so long. It has controlled my life and ruined me. I did cut off my soure and sealed all the cracks. I do not hang out with anyone who uses never did, It was just me. Not sure right now I am really scared about ever feeling like myself. I feel like I dont even know who I am?
Hello, welcome and congratulations on taking your life back! I would advise you to come clean to your fiance!! You will probably be SHOCKED at the support you receive.. You have to tell your secret so you can get support AND be held accountable! Trust me, it's a needed step on the road of recovery... Also, cut your sources! Seal the cracks!!
You WILL feel better but it takes time to heal.. Stick close to the forum and we will walk with you every step of the way. Also, have you thought about aftercare?
You WILL feel better but it takes time to heal.. Stick close to the forum and we will walk with you every step of the way. Also, have you thought about aftercare?
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