Tried Everyones advice, did my own way as well, but blah!

[tingtongtom]

I for a while tried to taper myself from valium and that failed. I got down to 20Mg a day from a far higher dose and then relapsed. I eventually went to a doctor and he gave me sertaline and I stopped valium, that is for 8 days and relapsed. Today I took 200MG. The psychiatrist said that he did not have time to go into deep convos, )I waited 2 hours for a scheduled appointment and it was clear he has now time.

So, he gave me some address in bangkok and I am yet to find any cognitive behavior therapy cenres or psychiatrists in my local area. I am finally ready to confront what has caused me take take NEARLY every drug under the sun for 8 years, (I am 22) and now I need to go and deal with whatever is deep inside me, I myself do not know what it is that triggered this in my childhood fully, and need help...  

[tingtongtom]

by the way, today's google graphic is amazing, maybe the best yet :p

[tingtongtom]

Day 3 and the 'plan' seems to be rocking and rolling okay. 3 days after that last stupidly high dose and I am feeling okay. I am talks with a therapist who seems to be very good in bangkok and are discussing details so that may be promising after I have sorted out my new visa etc. But thank you for those who have given me some of your time and care, much appreciated :)  

Tom

[tgtiffany]

That's an amazing plan!  I think you have yourself pointed in the right direction.  Sux you can't go to therapy now, but understandable about the visa.  Just keep up on the goals and perhaps try to taper down as much as you can before the month plan thing.  Who knows, maybe you won't even need to go !!!  Good luck Tom!!!

[tingtongtom]

I am okay thanks people.  I went to bangkok which is 2 and a half hourrs away yesterday to seek out a therapist. It was so stressful, 2 days before I had taken a 400MG dose, that day nothing. I could not locate the place of this guy, then went to a hospital who referred me to another hospital where we got caught up in bangkok traffic. Then  finally met a decent therapist. However, he said that the sessions ate 3 times a week for 3 months, at 9am. It is impossible for me to get there at that time for 3 months every week. He also suggested a month plan where I stay in hospital for a month. I maybe would have done it if I didn't have to go to malaysia on the 14th to renew my visa. That may be something go think about after. My girlfriend doesn't like it of course and knows if I have taken a high dose just by looking at me, but surprisingly she never knew when I as on 400MG, maybe cos she only had 10 mins and was rushing around. I plan to stick to sertaline, make daily goals, return to buddhism and meditation and after my visa run think about therapy, thats the plan

[dominosarah]

Please let us know you are okay Tom........

[tgtiffany]

I agree with sarah.  Does your gf know?  I'm pretty sure she will miss you more if you are dead than if you go to rehab.  I understand that you don't want to go though, my husband never did either.  But I can also tell you that the other people in your life are affected by your behaviors regardless if they know about your actions or not! We can only take so much and after a while can't do it anymore.  At one point the love we have for someone stops outweighing all the stress and stuff that we have to deal with.  But if you are going to do it on your own you can't keep taking them like that!  You need to make a plan and stick to it!  You can do this, you're saying you want to and that you've tried to do it before.  Just keep going Tom, don't give in this time!!!