Aa
Naive guy needs Advice
I am a 60 yrs. old male who has a girlfriend, also 60, who has been thru alcohol/rehab/12 Step in the past due to an abusive husband as catalyst. In the 2 1/2 yrs. I have known her, she has been off Vicodin, but has had occasional bouts with alcohol, but seems to bounce back. Recently an MRI turned up a lunbar intraspinal cynovial cyst (spur), and the orthopedic Dr. prescribed Neurontin and a basic dose of Vicodin, 30 5/500 1 every 6 hrs as needed (no refills). AS she was having 9-10 pain on scale of 1-10, she called her internist (in effect, Dr. shopping, I was to learn), who prescribe #150 Vicodin 7.5/750, 1-2 every six hrs., NOT TO EXCEED 5 PER DAY. This was about two weeks ago, and they are gone, so this comes to an average of about 9 per day. I am monitoring supply as best I can, and so today she is out, and neither of her two pharmacies will refill. Her accountant, a dear friend who know the situation, can access bank account/credit card statements if she were to get more online. My predicament? She is aware that I am aware of her abuse here- what is the best way to handle? Suggest AA/Rehab? Call internist who wrote the 150 pills? Her family is aware of the situation, and is non-supportive, for the most part. I guess I am it, but she has also a few close friends. I m also aware that there are other issues that could have triggered the abuse, as the Epidural shots she received for her spine pain reduced the need for the
Vicodin, and yet she drastically increased her intake. Need ADVICE, AS IAM A WORRY WART BIG TIME. I love her and want to help and support her in the best way. I have never been in this situation before,
Vicodin, and yet she drastically increased her intake. Need ADVICE, AS IAM A WORRY WART BIG TIME. I love her and want to help and support her in the best way. I have never been in this situation before,
I can see this becoming a very big problem and I can tell you why. I am addicted hydrocodone (vicodin) and Oxycodone (percocet) and have been taking it heavily for the last year in excess of 20+ pills a day. As someone addicted to this medication I can tell you that your mind is not in a normal state. What you are doing a think that you are doing good for her and trying to help her but it is only going to cause a situation to be worse. I am married and my husband is not really aware of my problem he knows that there is somewhat of an issue but he has no idea how much I take and how much money I spend outside of my prescriptions on my pills. I can tell you that if he were to be doing the things that you are doing it would cause nothing but a serious fight. You should not be looking into her finances you are only her boyfriend not her husband it is not any of your business. I'm not trying to sound rude I am just telling you it will cause a big problem. And I agree with the previous poster that her accountant should not be sharing that information with you. And if you were to call her doctor and share this information with them I guarantee you it would be the end of your relationship with this woman. They cannot give you any information and they will not give you any information but if you call them it will be bad for you and your relationship with her. As I said being someone addicted to this medication I can tell you from personal experience but if you try to interfere in any way it will only end badly. She has to want to stop for herself and no one else. And until she does you interfering is only going to cause an end to your relationship. If you love her and care for her the best advice I can give you is to just be there for her not to interfere but be there for her. If it gets too bad and you just can't handle it then you do need to leave but interfering is not going to help. This drug is evil and it does evil things to people and relationships. You can sit down and talk to her and tell her how you feel about what is going on but other than that there's nothing that you can do for her. I wish you the best of luck and I am sorry that you were going through this and odds are it will end your relationship if she doesn't wake up soon and try to get help for her problem. Most people don't wake up until they've hit rock bottom and I'm sure that you don't want to go there with her if you do then you are an amazing person because it's going to be a rocky road. Since there really is nothing you can do for her now you need to make the decision on whether or not you want to stick around and watch this unfold or do you want to leave and save your sanity and your life. The lies will not stop from an addict no matter how many times you catch her in them. I really hate lying to my husband I just can't help it I do what I do to get what I need. And that is the behavior of an addict and everyone here will tell you that. Our minds are not healthy and we're going through a lot and we have a lot to think about and usually all we are thinking about is getting her pills. It is a very horrible disease to have and I can tell that you care but what you are doing is wrong you need to step back and get out of her business a little bit like I said you can talk to her and tell her how you feel but that it should be the extent of your involvement. Good luck and I hope it doesn't take her long to wake up and get help for her problem.
There is only so much that you can do. At her age.....she is pretty well set in her ways. As for her past issues, I can have sympathy but sometimes you have to wonder or ask her.....do you know the difference between a reason and an excuse?
It is heartbreaking to watch someone you care for struggle with these sorts of issues. It is even worse when they won't take the steps to help themselves.
If she had counseling or would go into rehab, she could face her issues and finally be able to work through them, but if she won't do that, she will probably spiral out of control even more, and until she gets to the bottom, and probably drags you along with her, there is nothing much that you can do to help her.
It is heartbreaking to watch someone you care for struggle with these sorts of issues. It is even worse when they won't take the steps to help themselves.
If she had counseling or would go into rehab, she could face her issues and finally be able to work through them, but if she won't do that, she will probably spiral out of control even more, and until she gets to the bottom, and probably drags you along with her, there is nothing much that you can do to help her.
Oh and by the way. Her accountant can get in a lot of trouble for sharing her personal info with you. The fact that he's done that is really disturbing to me. It's none of your business and really does you no good to know anything about her on line puchases. YOU CAN'T STOP HER. No one can can. Only she can stop herself.
I don't want to sound mean at all so forgive me. I just don't know any other way to say this: It's her life and her choice. I know that's sad for you as you watch her wreck her life but there is absolutely nothing you can do. You can't force her. Ultimatums don't work. Nothing that you can do will make her stop abusing the pills and alcohol. She has to decide when it's it's time to stop the insanity!
I know it's hard to believe but your hands are tied here. So, you can sit the and watch and be a supportive friend or you can leave. You will worry yourself sick right now and you need to think about YOU in all of this.
Do this: read up on addiction to help you understand the addicted brain. What I'm saying will make more sense to you.
Take care-
I know it's hard to believe but your hands are tied here. So, you can sit the and watch and be a supportive friend or you can leave. You will worry yourself sick right now and you need to think about YOU in all of this.
Do this: read up on addiction to help you understand the addicted brain. What I'm saying will make more sense to you.
Take care-
Don't you worry about something serious happening to him?
She did not ASK, AND KNOWS THAT HER ACCOUNTANT CAN MONITOR CREDIT CARD, and she is ok with this for other reasons (having to do with her ex). I know she has to do the work. The hospital will offer professional help, but I don't think she wants it=the struggle goes on. Fear next time, she will get in serious accident or kill self?
Cut ur ties and leave !!!!
She has some unresolved issues and I think she needs in patient rehab. She's not safe right now and getting stopped by the police illustrates that point.
Did she ask you to monitor who affairs like this? Does she know all that you know and that you can access who credit card puchases? That would infuriate me. She's an addict, not a child. Your position is that of supportive boyfriend. It's up to you if you want to be part of this right now. But she has to do the work....not you. It's not up to you to call her doctor either. That does not do her any favors.
Just my two cents. I hope she gets herself well!
Did she ask you to monitor who affairs like this? Does she know all that you know and that you can access who credit card puchases? That would infuriate me. She's an addict, not a child. Your position is that of supportive boyfriend. It's up to you if you want to be part of this right now. But she has to do the work....not you. It's not up to you to call her doctor either. That does not do her any favors.
Just my two cents. I hope she gets herself well!
She was just stopped by police, "on the nod," and taken to hospital for medical evaluation. Need all the advice I can get- off to Hosp!
I plan on asking when she is straight for a few days. She has done a 12 step profram in the 90s.
She admitted to me yesterday that she has trouble dealing with a past abortion, (1980s) and that fact that her 2 daughters do not stay in close contact with her because of her past "issues." She said this is why she has trouble with alcohol/Vicodin- she is self medicating to hide the hurt. Prior to the "binge" of the past two weeks, she said that she "thought she had it under control." I find it difficult to relate to her, communicate with her when she is on Vicodin. I suspect that when she gets low, with no prospect for refills, as like today, she has a glass of wine or two. I am torn between staying with her, watching her every move, (which is what I have done today), and leaving her alone, so that I am not worrying myself sick. I feel I should not leave her alone when she is buzzed. So hard emotionally!
Happy to hear that. She is lucky to have such a supportive guy in her life.
Wow- very helpful!! Will do! Will keep posting- I want to help she is a great gal
I will great advice! Thanks!!!
You can let her know how much you love her and maybe suggest meetings if she wants to quit. Most meetings allow a friend to attend for further support. Please don't worry yourself sick over this. I am in a similar situation with my husband. I have tried an intervention with him. But I realize I can't make him quit. I'm a recovering addict also so I do understand how he feels, and I also understand the frustration and worry you feel because I'm experiencing it myself. I wish both of you the best of luck and good health.
You are a great boyfriend to take this on. She sounds like a terrific person, just addicted. Don't call the Doc., not your place and hippo laws prevent any Dr. / non approved person from abstaining any info. Deal with her directly. Does she think she has an issue or no? AA is a good place to start. Would she jump on this forum for support? Have you thought about alanon? I give you much, much credit. Keep posting and reaching out. The weekends are slow, but more will be along with advice. Hang in there ok? xo
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