I'm not sure why this happens, but it does, kinda like ciggarette smoking.....If you quit and then go back, you end up smoking more than before.
I relapsed a week ago on Sunday. I decided that I would use one oxycontin for a long bus trip. Months ago I was using a max of 2 oc's a day. I triggered myself with that one, and in the next two days I managed to blow through another 10 pills. By the time tuesday night rolled around I had no recollection how I got to where I was, but one thing I knew for sure was that I was back to day 1. The last week has been hell. Why did I do this? Its sorta like when you are a kid on halloween. Your parents dont let you eat candy all year, and then one day you get bags of it. What if you had been thinking about eating candy several times a day, every day, for months. Would you eat more then usual?
I was told when I got clean That even though I had stopped using that my addiction was alive and well waiting for me to relaspe My brother says that while he is sitting in a meeting his disease is outside doing push-ups ( funny visual )god luck ad best wishes
lol................. push ups????????? too funny of an analogy!
I wish I knew why. Every relapse gets tougher and tougher from my experience. Although i never abused pills (cocaine) i still did outrageous amounts when i had relapsed after quite a bit of clean time. The last time I used, I was so disgusted and terrified i made sure i did enough to make myself completely sick, it was the only way for me to stop, crazy crazy. I did 7 grams of coke that day compared to normally doing about 2 grams a day while i used. In my head I told myself that i had relapsed and might as well make it a good one. I am freaking myself out now, lol. Interesting post.