Thank you all so much but...

[GixerBoy]

Blimey I'm kinda blown away by all the responses, it's rare for me but for once I'm completely lost for words!  I suppose I had better start by explaining the reason why I am actually on these cursed tablets!  I have had chronic pain in my upper and lower back for well over twenty years now, and three years ago I was diagnosed with Osteoperosis (occuring in the lower vertebrae and neck), together with an MRI scan showing a burst fracture of T11 (motorcycle accident) which healed very badly because it was never detected at the time, 7 badly worn vertebrae with several torn discs to boot, coupled with arthritis in my right knee and damage to my left knee cartlidge because of bleeding into the joint (I am also a heamophiliac factor 8 deficient) which swells constantly.  I am not a particularly small person weighing in at about 240lbs so walking about on a good day can be trying at best.  I cannot walk for more than 20 mins or so without experiencing severe pain in both my knees and back and I am prone to have the odd fall here and there which complicates matters as I cannot unless helped pick myself up again.  To cut a long story short I was put on various meds to try to control the pain in the hope that I could lead as normal a life as could be hoped for.  About three years ago I was given OxyContin with the explanation that it has worked wonders with people suffering simillar pain to me.  At first the dose was very low indeed, but as time went on it was raised and raised in order to arrive at a "theraputic dose".  At 640mg my theraputic dose was achieved and for the first time in years I was able to "get about" without having my wife with me to hold my hand all the time!  I would never have taken OxyContin in the first place had it not been for pure medical necessity,  besides outside the Dr's surgery to be honest I wouldn't even know where to get it from here in the UK anyway lol. I know this is going to sound almost unbelievable but I have never ever experienced a so called "buzz" from these things and that is the God's honest truth.  The only "effect" I have ever had is one of projectile vommiting when I first started taking them! The thing that I fear the most is I guess that when I come off it, I will end up in the same sorry state as I was before I started taking them unable to walk properly, not able to sit for to long stand or anything else a person of my age should be able to do with relative ease!  I am 38 for heaven's sake I should at least be able to experience a relatively producitve life surely?  My wife and I struggle terribly with our finances and anyone who has a 12 going on 20 year old daughter would know they aint exactly cheap either lol.  
Anyway I hope these rambling lines go at least some way to describe why I take OxyContin, I just thought I would say at least something you know?  But for God's sake please please don't think that this is in some way a slant against those that take these drugs for pleasure, it most certainly is not.  We all have some type of pain to deal with in some way or other and I would be a liar and a fake if I said that I didn't wish for a magic pill to make it all go away for good, because I am in no doubt that would take it without a second thought.

God bless

Gixer  

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

That is a hefty dose of oxy there brother. I am afraid that you will not get a Get Out of Jail Free card for this.....make a plan and stick to it....if you desire to quit the oxy, do ya want to cold turkey or taper? It isnt easy doing this....lot of decisions to make...but you can prepare for it....look at Health Discussions box on right hand side of page.....then find the Thomas Recipe and the Amino Acid Protocol and read them - - they work.... and good luck to you in your effort.............

[GixerBoy]

I know what I said sounded on the face of it pretty crazy really.  To be franc I want to come off them for the same reasons as you do.  They are no longer of any real help anymore and they are tearing me apart from deep within.  I just cannot take feeling like this anymore I really can't and that's the truth.  I feel like my life just no longer belongs to me anymore, rather to the fat cats at the pharmo company you know?  I have been feeling this way for a long time now but have never had the courage to just make that ultimate jump into the void so to speak.  I know It won't be easy because as you say it's a huge dose and I would be a naive fool if I believed for one minute I would just be able to stop like turning off a light.  These dam pills are making me so depressed all the time now, I have literally lost the will to carry on, so now I know it is time to stop them before they stop me.  I really am not sure what i am going to do to control the pain when I quit, but to be honest I would rather live in physical pain every day, than have to go through feeling as though life no longer has any meaning.  For me now the sky is no longer blue, there is no more Christmas and my time is spent just wishing I was no longer here going through this day after day after cursed day.  I know I was in terrible pain before and I know how tough it gets when it gets really bad, but I would rather go through that every day than feel like this, like I'm slowly dying inside.  Surely that is as good a reason as any to quit, for my family for my future...for my sanity!

Gixer

[GixerBoy]

Thank you so much Laurel453, to be honest I really didn't expect anything I said to be in any way a help to anybody else at all!  I was just trying to explain why I take OxyContin, but without soundiing aloof I am thrilled at the thought that I have in some way maybe helped someone out there.  Like I said before though in no way will I ever judge anybody for anything, because I know first hand how tough just getting through each day at a time can be.  Lets put it this way, when you joined med help it was the first step towards freedom right?  You sound like the sort of person who is both deeply sensitive and caring which as far as I am concerned is something to be truly proud of and to cherish as some of the best qualities a person could ever have, once again thank you.

Gixer

[worried878]

I am not sure of your goal...that is a huge dose of oxy and u will not feel fantastic when u get off...u will have physical wds...why do u want to stop taking them?  it is true that tolerence builds and after a while this dose will not help anymore and u will have to go higher..this is why narcotics were never intended to treat long term pain...methadone is often used for chroic pain when doses get this high...but it is hard to get off of as wds are long...640 mg of oxy will be hard as well ....there are alternative methods of pain control that are not so "controlling"  I am a chronic pain patient as well and had to make that choic..fact is for me the narcotics were not really helping my pain anymore...just my mind/like an anti-dpressent then they started making me depressed at the end...i was done!  I have a long history of back surgeries..degenerative disc disease, scoliosis etc so i know chroni pain well since i was 26 years old...it was just a choice i had to mke as the naroctics were changing me into someone i didnt know anymore..i too wish there were a majic want and when i blow out my birthday candles my wish is always "make my pain go away"

anyway....so what is it that u want to do?

[laurel453]

i'm so sorry for all the pain you are going through, gixer....mine is pure addiction, you see ? and maybe mine is another type of inner pain ( anxiety and this stuff ...) but truly, i can swear to all of you who are dealing with such a pain in their lives that i only have admiration for you when you fight your addiction to those pain killers.

i don't think it's never a slant againts us , the "pure addicts" when you tell us about the pain you have in your lives. just the opposite, if something, you give me strengh and encouragment, i say to myself that if you can or try to get clean of the pills , i must too.

so no, i have never never felt worse when i read about you, people who become addicted or dependent to pills because of legitimate pain.

may i send  you a big hug  and a hopeful wish that you find your way to ease your pain in your actual situation ? good luck, gixer 1