Vics are death by choice

[p1x1edu5t]

Day 4 of wanting to die.
I've been doing this to myself longer than half my life. I'm 31 - but its all I know.
Ill get fed up, kick them, putting myself out of commission for 1-2weeks, the torture of the wd's. I just want to crawl under a rock & die. The aches & pains, the depression, the lethargy, the sinus symptoms, feeling like Im not gona make it to tomor. I've gone ct so many times before & I tell myself this is the last time. I can't do this anymore, but I do it anyway. Been to rehab, been to meetings, I always come out thinking I know better & just discover more seamless new ways of triciking ppl I love or innovative ideas for lies. I want to stop so bad

[neveragainplease]

I agree with applauding your clean time. It's not easy to quit, especially the beginning stages. Just keep at it; we have lots of love and support for you here. You have a good attitude and genuinely want this. We're here!

[p1x1edu5t]

TiredinTempe- I'm certainly trying!
I'm not sure how I haven't exploded yet from cravings alone, but I'm sticking it out. I deleted all my dealers numbers. And I can't get more pills from my doctors cuz I told on myself last time already. So I'm holding on to these 5 days of being clean with my teeth.
I wish you best of luck, you are on the same day count as me! I love any pill, so I know what you are going through with the percs.  Last time I kicked, I was coming off a  a cocktail of xanax, Zanaflex, somas, percs, vicodin,seroquil & adderall. I had a pillfor eeverything. A pill for waking up, a pill to sleep, a pill to eat, to exercise, to go to work, to hang out w friends. So sick right?? Ughh

[TiredinTempe]

You too have done this a few times. I also am on day 5 off Percs.This is my fourth time ct in the last 9 months. My prob in the past was never cutting the sources. Which is my Dr. That is happening this time. You know how the wd's are, so no new surprises. This time for me I got bronchitis & fever on day 2. So this has been really bad for me. I have antibiotics now so should see the end soon. I'm gonna hang tough this time and see if that miracle happens. Join me??

[p1x1edu5t]

Day 5...still can't sleep at night & out of it during day. Don't want to be around people or do anything...I hope it gets bettr soon

[p1x1edu5t]

Thanks all & I applaud u on ur clean time achievements.
VI - I'll look that up& read on my way home frm work.
Its just that I know myself. I'm nowhere near being out of the woods just yet. Last time I kicked, I think I was clean almost 30 days & I threw that away like nothing. My addiction is so insidious, it lies to me & I lie to everyone else & lying is part of the thrill for me. Keeping my addiction a secret is part my selfishness & not wanting to let go but also part not wanting to hurt my family. They went through so much with me when I kicked  heroin & a failed suicide attempt scarred them to the point of paranoia every time I left the house. I was in AA for 4 years, decided it wasn't for me & now I'm here. Crawling around, wanting to die & my brain & emotions raw & screaming for a little 10ES pill

[VICourageous]

Hi..Because of doing this over & over are you getting any aftercare Support?? Try hopping in to a couple of meetings..I also found the information about the "Disease of Addiction and the Pleasures Pathway" very interesting for knowing how the Brain works to produce these cravings and the unbalances of the Nero-Transmiiter..Check it out it is some hot info..Good Luck it is a fight for life to stay clean..Give it away and keep up the Faith..Time is the Best Healer..

[mommymarieme]

You have made it to day four that is awesome! Everyday you will start feeling a little bit better. I had a hard time mentally at day six but I pushed through and now I am on day eight. You can do this!!

[BelleFemme]

This is a new time, a fresh start...you will kick those pills...they are so harmful to our bodies, lives and brain...it is tough, but time heals our body...put the right things in it and it will work even better while we are going through this...i am right by your side and others will be chiming in with wonderful advice soon :)

[p1x1edu5t]

I'm not sure how to work this yet, I'm clicking on everything by accident.
But thank u for ur kind words...day 4 is not pretty, but it sure is better than day 1-3. They call it the gift of desperation in AA, but I lose that desperation when I start to physically feel better.I don't want to pillpop this time. I want to stop already. I want this to be the last time bc I've given up way too much to this addiction already. Kicking H when I was 20 was easier than kicking vicodin. Jesus Christ, I wish this was never prescribed to me for wisdom teeth pulling 10yrs ago