Vyvanse Abuse Cycle

Question

I have a history of pain killer abuse, but have been off of them since January of this year (2013).  At that time I was visiting a psychiatrist for the pain med abuse and he put me on Vyvanse for ADHD. I may have mild ADHD, but it is manageable and I really don't need meds for it, but thought it would help with the pain med abuse and just listened to the doc.  Since starting the Vyvanse I now realize that it is just as addictive and habit forming as the pain meds for me.  I took it correctly for maybe a month if that (started on it in Jan of this year).  I realized it was becoming a problem so I tried to stop. Right now I am in a cycle of filling my prescription, abusing it for about 3 days (I do sleep), then I trash the rest of the pills and stay clean for a few weeks until time to fill my prescription again, then the cycle repeats.  Usually I can stay clean for about 2 weeks and either I will get some phentermine (diet pills) or my Vyvanse script filled and again use/abuse for 2 or 3 days then trash the remaining pills and abstain for about 2 weeks till time to refill.  It is very embarrassing.  When I am in the 2-3 day use/abuse period I think about ways to stop, treatment, counselor, telling a friend, getting a sponsor, etc. But after I trash the pills and wait a few days I feel good and I can handle it and wont get it filled next time. But it never fails, when it is time to refill, I am bored or just thinking of how easy it is and actually it seems part of a ritual (can I get it this time?).  I tell myself oh I will just do it for a few days, just to have some extra energy and really I think boredom has a lot to do with it (I do have a busy life with kids, work, running, etc).  What can I do to break this cycle? Is this relapse or slips or what?

winningone · Answer

Thanks for the replies. weaver71, I thought a slip was more just a one time "oops" and then getting back to sobriety and a relapse is a return full force to the behavior. But none the less I am screwing up and need to break out of this cycle. One of the reasons that I believe I have not used the pain meds since Jan is because I just can't get them anymore! I have thought several times about just calling the offices for where I get the Vyvanse and where I get the Phentermine and telling them not to give it to me anymore, seems like it would be quite an awkward conversation to have with who ever answers the phone!!

VICourageous · Answer

Hi, You most likely know that both Vyvanse & Adderall are both considered Addicting. Even if they both are made with different chems they still increase the amount of dopamine & norepinephrine between synapses in the brain.  
I was using the adderall that I bought from the streets with my methadone.I got really hooked on it for many years because of the "I feel good lift" and "get it all done at the same time". I am walking in 10 months and I have not yet bounced back 100% because of the damage these meds do to the Brain/Nervous System..Should of...Could of....I wish I would of done my homework on my 3 meds and how much damage they can cause. I will say speaking from experience if you want to be done with this med you will have to work hard on it. You will have to give your body/brain time to heal. Patience will be a big one. 
I wish you the best!
Bless

weaver71 · Answer

A slip is a flowery way to say relapse, you haven't built a full physical dependence, but you are describing addict behavior. You're being treated for ADHD, but use drugs for energy? I think there are some other reasons that are not so obvious. You know what to do, you made a list in your post. My problem was, I didn't totally want to quit. I thought I did, but I always had a backup plan, a chance to get more. When you throw them out, and you still feel sick of this cycle, call the pharmacy, doctors, and friends that you need help with addiction. Make it so you can't get more, even if you tried. Go to meetings and say goodbye to Dr Feel Good. Write a letter breaking up with drugs. Feel the loss and fear of letting go, the. Surround yourself with recovery. Simple, not easy. You can do this and will not regret it.