A sad day for me

[Clarityrocks]

A friend of mine passed away today from alcoholism. He wasn't a close friend, we knew each other in high school, and were friends on Facebook. I am very sad at the loss of life. He was a funny guy, so intelligent, a llittle dark, sarcastic, which I enjoy. Over time I would notice, especially after I got sober, that he was always talking about drinking, pickling his liver, how he was sick, etc. All these people that were such great friends of his, apparently, egged him on. I am sure many thought he was kidding around, exaggerating, or whatever, but they just encouraged him. In recent months, he began talking about being very sick, in the hospital, problems with his liver, etc. He even posted pictures of his jaundiced face, and yellow eyes, and all these idiots were like, "OMG, I hope they find out what's wrong" and I felt like screaming at them, "he's dying, he is killing himself, help him!" I feel horrible that I didn't reach out when I suspected what was going on, although the damage was likely done. I am sad I will never see him again on my news feed, and won't run into him when he is in town. I'm sad he is gone. It makes me so sad to think of what his life likely had become. For your liver and kidneys to fail, to become terminal from alcohol, he had to have been drinking at all times, really. I only drank heavily for maybe 4 months, but I had become unable to do regular things. I had to drink throughout the day, even at night or at least early in the morning, to keep from being sick. I didn't see people, go do anything, it was a horrible, dark time and I didn't see a way to stop the madness. I feel horrible that that was what his life became. He asked to be taken home, and hospice took over until he was in and out of consciousness and passed away this afternoon. He was my age, only 37. Anyway, this serves as a reminder to me, that that is what will happen to me if I start drinking again, cause sometimes my addict brain says, "hmm, maybe I can drink like a normal person". I play the tape through, each time, and today's tragedy is what I see for me. I know many others have had similar things happen lately, but I just felt like I needed to share it with someone. When someone dies from this disease, there is no more hope for them, that someday that may escape the hell that addiction feels like, and that is the saddest thing of all.  Thanks for listening, sorry for rambling.
Allison

[dominosarah]

It is very tragic and i am feeling even more grateful for my recovery due to the deaths i have experienced the last few days.  I wish they could of all found their way~

[BelleFemme]

I am so sorry about the loss of your friend. I hope this post touches just one person who may not be posting, but reading posts to think about quitting....choosing life is so much better. My prayers are with his family and with you....

Belle..

[Clarityrocks]

Thank you all. Sarah, I feel the same way. I wish I could save everyone, but we just can't. I want to drag everyone out of this battlefield, but only they can save themselves, and we can support them when they are ready. I am just tired of watching people die. A friend of my family's son just committed suicide after years of addiction, and I am guessing he was just tired of fighting and misery. It is tragic to me. I am grateful that it has just strengthened my commitment to my own recovery and all of you that hear these stories. That is the only good thing that comes from these tragedies. Thank you all for your support, I knew I could count on you.
Allison

[1sorryperson]

Very sorry.
cross addiction is so likely for us, and alcahol is so available and accepted at wedding receptions, etc.  Last night I had to borrow money from my wife to bail my AA sponsor who is my part time boss out of jail.   I was angry on the way home, but after your sad news, ....  I realized my sponsor has helped by showing the power of addiction and what triggered it.

Again, I'm very sorry for your lose, it has taken so many of our friends.

[selfinduced]

The struggle for your friend is over. Peace to you and his family.

[dominosarah]

I know exactly how you feel and it hurts right to our core.  This is our reality if we dont sober up.  I see some people who still think they are exempt from death and it saddens me that they just dont want to see it.  All we can do is take care of ourselves.  I wish i could save everyone but that isnt reality.  Today i am grateful for my sobriety, and yours~

[Crybaby2006]

So sorry for your loss.  He was lucky o know you, even if just occasionally as time passed.  Your understanding is very clear.  This could have been you.  I gain strength from your conviction.  Bless you

[Clarityrocks]

Thank you all so much for your kind words. I am praying for his poor family and all that loved him, and taking some comfort that he is finally at peace. Thank you again so much

[atthebeach]

so sad.... .I am so sorry for loss.........
addiction takes too many....too often......too soon.....
stay strong hun........
praying for your peace, comfort and for his family.....

[ariley13]

I am so sorry for your loss. Please don't play the blame game with yourself. It sounds like you were a wonderful, caring friend. As addicts, we know better than most that none of us are going to quit until we are good and ready to. There is nothing anyone can do to change that. Please take care and keep fighting the good fight in your life.

[ricart70]

sorry about your friend allison.