i feel like i have lost the love of my life im crushed

[freenclean]

welll here i am all at 150am est. blabbering about my turmoil i feel like i have lost my best friend, my lover, my soul mate, my life partner, my wife , i am absolutely heartbroken and dont know what to do ive got 10 days clean now from a 5 yr. addiction to oxycodone and my wife acts like its no big deal ,like she doesnt believe ive done it, i have done all i can to convince her n/a meetings a complete attitude change,i look into her eyes and it tells the story theres no love or trust there anymore im so devistated by this if its over between us i must say its over for me because she truly is the love of my life without her im history please dont tell me ah theres plenty more fish in the sea i dont wanna here that sh-t shes my one and only true love and would give my life for her in an instant i just dont know what to do i want that love and trust back in her eyes again without her its over for me take care all that are fighting this evil disease i wish you all the best and if you have a loved one that still cares go give them a hug and a kiss and thank God that they still care  may God bless you all  Free...

[freenclean]

i think i saw a little sparkle in her eyes tonight  so things may be coming around its just gonna take time free...

[freenclean]

thanks everybody for the support i need it i love her so much shes my world without her im nothing and i just wanna see that love look in her eyes again im gonna keep working hard and praying harder take care all and God bless Free...

[Htownnofrown]

A freshly clean addict is like a tornado once the storm has passed and we are out of our addiction there is still a lot of damage that has to b amended. 10 days cannot undo the damage that 5 years did but if you stay clean and work on cleaning up the wreckage of your past your relationship will improve undoubtedly.

[jordy662]

Congrats on ten days!!!! Have faith my friend.  It will take time, I've had ups and downs in my marriage.  To be honest, we all do.  Focus on staying clean, it has a way of cleaning up your relationships as well. Keep posting on here, it's good to get other view points.  You must be happy with yourself before you can make anyone else happy.  The best gift you can give your marriage is being clean. Do the little things for her.  Fix her some coffee, do a load of laundry, call her to say hello, clean her car out, go on a bike ride, cook dinner, watch a movie with her, pray daily for her, hold hands, tell her a joke, play cards or a game, simply spend a little time with her.  Do some of these things and don't expect anything in return.  Be selfless-When a person has the ability to have empathy, marriage becomes pure. Spend time writing some actions down during the day and create a list of selfless acts for her.  It will help you stay clean and may just help your marriage.  Little things make a BIG difference. Good luck my friend.

[el_em_en_oh]

I've been clean for a little over 9 months now (9mo's, 21day's) and my wife is only JUST now starting to see that my sobriety is "for real". It took a long time to break your relationship, and now the work begins to fix what you broke. They say that it takes twice as long as your addiction took, to fix a relationship (IE: took pills for 2 years, it'll take 4 years to "fix"). I'm not sure if I believe that or not, but I'm not going to be at all surprised if it takes longer than that.

Silver lining in all of this, is that your wife has stayed with you through all of this. The only way you're going to be able to "FIX" your relationship, is by showing her you mean business... one day at a time. Your addiction didn't happen over night, nor did your sobriety. The same goes for your relationship. It's going to take time to get all your ducks lined back up again.

Marriage counseling is a good thing, that's for sure, but I would see if she's willing to try Al-Anon or some type of individual counseling. She's got a lot of pent-up anger and resentment, I'm quite sure, and she needs to release that anger & resentment and direct it towards a person or group of people that can relate to what she's saying, that can & will help her deal with what she's feeling. Without guidance, she'll flounder and it won't help your home'life situation.

Just as you needed help with your sobriety, so she will need help with your sobriety & her own personal sanity. She really needs to seek an aftercare program of some description, or at the very least, an individual counselor.

[GoingToMakeIt]

IF you are like most addicts, you have probably lid, stole and general blew all respect from others, out the window. Way to go on 10 days!
   You have chosen a great call sign here, freenclean. It shows where you mind is. Set yourself for the long road ahead. It will be so good. You will begin to love, then embrace being clean. Your wife will see that, then she wil know you reall made up your mind to change.
   Make sure you have aftercare support! AA,NA, here. Make up your mind now to do this. When addiction comes calling again, and it will. You need to be ready for it. If you aren't ready, addiction creaps and attacks at your lowest moments. It Does Not Play Fair!!!

[guv338]

As addicts we have become totally self centered.  In recovery we begin to see that the world does not revolve around our every need and desire. As you travel thru the next weeks, the pinned up emotions will begin to start coming to the surface.  As this happens, it is very important to try and put yourself in her shoes and try to understand how she is perceiving all that is going on.  It is so easy for us to just say screw it, if she can't support me now, then what's the point in continuing this struggle.  However, those are our addictive thoughts creeping back in on us and are exactly the opposite action that she needs to see from you at this point.  Ten days is a huge accomplishment, but trust is something that is usually broken over an extended period of time and accordingly, it will take a little longer possibly to restore.  But it can be restored.  Give it all to God and have faith that he will lead you down the right path.  He never let's us down, if we trust and obey his word.  My best to you in you continued recovery.  guv

[laurel453]

good that it helped you a little  :)

now, how about taking a long hot bath to relax yourself and your muscles ??....pray/meditate and put your trust that you are working on your life and yourself by being clean and feel proud of you...feel proud of your wife too, fill yourself with positive thoughts that whatever the future will be, you can take it.

good night, freenclean :)

[freenclean]

some sound solid advice and i thank you for it  take care and God bless Free...

[laurel453]

THere is not such a thing like a solid advice to win back your wife, there is  no instant solution to anything or to any problem you gonna find in life.... there is only a better way to take things and work on problems...if your wife doesn't trust you, only with time you can make her trust on you again. You can't either make promises cause again, you will need time to show there are more than promises. Don't feel discouraged by what is happening to your life now...keep doing on what you think is now the right thing to do and have faith that whatever happens it will be all right at the end as long as you have been doing the right thing. Don't get panicking, i know it is easier said than done but your wife needs healing too from what she has been going through. If you tell her that there is no life without her, you are putting again all the pressure on her and it is not fair. Show  her that you are an individual who can fight alone too. Keep feeding yourself with strength and working on your recovery....and whatever happens in the future, well...you'll be a stronger person then and on recovery and this means you will be a different person and a person more prepared to face whatever the outcome or whatever comes to your life. Don't worry on the future because you are working on your present taking the steps you can, the best steps....


please, you can not go back .... i think you have to separate now what's going on with you and your addiction from the rest, we can only change ourselves, keep doing it for the better. There is only one priority for you now and this is your recovery. Besides, without your recovery, there won't be anything left for you either. Keep walking.... work hard on your recovery, go to NA meetings or whatever works for you, make healthy life changes....and do not let that anything changes this, please :)

[freenclean]

i need some solid advice to win back my wifes love and trust i dont want to use again because this triggers a bad scene that makes me fall off the wagon somebody help please

[freenclean]

thank you for the words of encouragement they are heartfelt for sure just right now im terrified shes been my rock for yrs shes right here but i miss her so does that make any sense and to my dear friend G i didnt want to unload this on you earlier when we talked you got so much on your plate already buddy sorry . To all of you who responded God bless you for your kind words of encouragement it sure helps but im also terrified right now if i had some junk in the house right now id be eating it like i was never gonna eat again but in my heart i dont wahnt to throw away 10 days either God bless you all Free....

[mcnani2012]

so sorry, they have some wonderful advice and i will be praying for you too.  congratulations, 10 days is by no means an easy feat!!!!!  

[dominosarah]

First off Congrats on 10 days clean!!!

Addiction affects the whole family and right now it just hasnt been enough time for your wife to see you are serious about staying clean.  Talk with her and find out where she is coming from and how she is feeling.  They get the brunt of our issues.  We can talk till we are blue in the face but our actions speak louder than words.  Give this some time.  Take baby steps.  Things will work out.  When you look into your wifes eyes make sure the eyes she is looking back at are filled with love and gratitude.           sara

[wishful1]

Mark is right, it will take time. I know yoiu feel like there is no hope, but right now you arent yourself, your in the midst of fighting your addiction and you cant be back to your normal self that your wife fell in love with many years ago in just ten simple days. Give it some time, and really show her what she means to you and that you are really changing. Talk to her about Alanon, google it. Its a NA group for people that have loved ones whom are addicts. I wish you the best, stick to it, dont give up. Good luck and keep us posted.

-Betsy

[gnarly_1]

Hey dude take a deep breath ....everything is going to be alright ...right now your emotions are going to be all over the place...your wife will come around...actions speek louder then words you just have to do the right thing here and hang on to your sobriety....she stuck by you threw your addiction she will stick by you threw your sobriety...she is not an addict you cant really explane this to a non addict your just going to have to except some things that you share with her and have her understand it is imposible to explain to the non addict
she is only going to go by past experiences and your detox this time around was quite differt from what she remembers...she still loves you...and will begin to trust you again with time
we are addicts we live in a instant gratification world the rest of the world doest work that way it takes time to undue what took us years to do be pacent with her dont make any life changing decisions other then getting clean for the next 90 days it will take that long to ge tyour brain chemistry back on line so you can make rashenel decisions...take this whole thing to God and lay it at his foot stool...everything is going to work itself out
hang in there bro your friend Mark  

[jollyman069]

soory man...I don't what to say...only the 2 of you what has happened during your addicition...what went on...the only way she will be able to see the change is just by that seeing it in YOU...does that make sense?...sorry can't be of more help...will be praying for you brother...God Bless..brian