Encouragment

[PorVida]

So on January 2, I quit and then went 8 days before I relapsed.  Then I went another week and relapsed again for a few days.  Went 4 days and relapsed for 7.  So here I sit at day 3 again.  The physical stuff is not that bad, but I am just feeling down and blah.  

I feel good about the fact that the two sources I relapsed with over the last month are completely cut-off, so I have a sense of peace knowing I cannot get any access to anything.  

Just wanted to vent and also hear from some people.  I know time is what it is going to take.  Woke up feeling ok, but then got hit with the blah stick an hour later.

Thanks

[dominosarah]

Get up and get moving.  Look around at all you have to be grateful for.  I made a list and kept it where i could see it.  Write a goodbye letter to those pills.  As corny as that sounds it really works.

[kyle505]

I played the game for over 15 years...I'm finally 13 months clean. In order to get here I had to do some very hard things - maybe this will help you.
Cut all sources. It sounds like you have, but beware; your head never stops. Even after you have months or years of clean time, the voice will always be there, whispering to you. So, be absolutely sure that you've made a clean break from your sources - that you've put up roadblocks that will prevent you from getting pills when you're feeling mentally weak.
Next, tell your secret. Spouse, trusted family member or friend. And your doc, dealer, dentist, pharmacy. For me, telling my wife and kids was probably the hardest thing I've ever done, but if I didn't I would still be using. They are my daily support system. Again, tell your secret; if you don't you WILL continue to use behind it.
Finally, get to after care. NA meetings and the like. Just being on this forum isn't enough.
If you don't do anything different than you have in the past you will keep relapsing; I speak from 15 years of failure. Good luck.

[JimiMiddleFinger63]

Don't feel bad....I have relapsed so many times it just became part of the cycle for me. I'm really a professional failure at sobriety. Maybe I'll get it right his time. I think I will.......I won a battle these last 10 days. Not the war. Wars aren't won in a week...a month......not even a year.

Keep at it and keep yer chin up.

Asaalam Alaikum

[YesLife4Me]

Attitude is everything!   If you fight it kicking and screaming it just makes it that much harder.   Like they say, just be ok with not being ok for a while and the good moments will start to present themselves more frequently.  

[Leaveurfearsbehind]

That's so true. We can choose to make the best or worst out of any situation. Even after you get clean, the choice will still be there. Just keep pushing forward and remember that it will get better. Wishing you the best!

[Fireby29]

I too have been there many times.  It is important that you embrace that peace of being protected by your choices.  If you are like me, the relapses will continue until ALL sources are no longer possible for you.  I still crave it sometimes, and still get weak.  Most of us will, which is why not being able to get any narcs when it happens helps us get through it without using and preserving our sobriety.

What I can say is that it does slowly get better.  I am on day 220+, and I deal so much better with cravings and the knowledge that that part of my life is over.

Welcome back, now make sure this is the time you do not relapse.

Bryan

[PorVida]

Thanks guys.  I know this too shall pass.  When you are in the thick of the anxiety you sure do not think so.  

It is time for an attitude adjustment.  May as well make the best of the day I have, no sense worrying about the past or future, it never helps.

[OpenMind24hours]

You came back. That's important. You're taking the right steps in the right direction to get some major clean time between you and the last pill you took. Your honesty on here is a great example of the determination you have to finally become free for good. Keep going strong, keep venting and break that Blah Stick into little pieces using all the tools of recovery that you've learned along the way.

[YesLife4Me]

I have been there, done that.   And the more times you do this, even though the physical isn't that bad, it is the mental part that kicked me in the behind from all the ups and downs.   Now that you have cut your sources, there are no more pills to be had.   Keep moving forward!  

[toothfairie]

just wanted to lend my support.....i know it's hard but just think about one hour at a time....and glad you got rid of the sources....best thing.

just keep posting for support....we are here to help you thru it....you will make it to the other side....the blahhs will come and go as you know....as they say..."it's a feeling, it will pass"   hang in there!