What a WRETCH I have been to others, because of drugs!

[K Todd]

I sit here on my 5th day, as tears roll down my face...

My mind has NEVER been so clear, but with that clarity has brought to my attention, what I never new before...

I just can't believe what I have done to others, and what I have taken for granted. I never ever intentionally meant to take advantage or hurt anyone! Including my life....

OH HOW HARD IT IS TO SEE TRUTH... WHEN DRUGS MASK MY HEART & MIND!!!!!!

I can not help but to hold back these tears....It's just I can NOW SEE  what I have done....I mean from doubling scrips, borrowing money, putting people careers on the line, and not being there for someone when they needed me....HOW COULD I HAVE NOT SEEN WHAT I HAD DONE???

I know I can't change what I have already done, but IT BREAKS MT HEART to be sober and REALIZE what A WRETCH those drugs made me out to be!  How self centered I have been!!!!

I do know one thing...

Being the man that I truly am, I have got a lot of apologies.

How I can see it now....and could not see it for all these years?...is beyond me! - Way Beyond Me!!

I am sooo grateful, even with these tears, that I can now see....and can NOW finally get out of my selfish, self centered ways, in which those stupid drugs caused up in me!!!

Todd

[oxygirl487]

amazing grace,how sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me.....

when i read ur post that was the first thing that came to my mind......when i was w/ding from oxycontin i would sing that song and it always made me feel better knowing that he is there for me......some people will never forgive us for the things we have done but jesus always will......i'm so proud of u sweetie...u seem like such an awesome guy...dont let this get u down...it's normal to feel this way...i'd be worried if u didnt have some remorse.......u have a heart.....love u and god bless u....

[lucyred68]

We need to remember, that way we can stay clean.  But He forgives and so must we.  I don't ever want to forget the hoerrible things i did, nor do i want to forget the pain of wd's. even more important, is the wonderful love of my hubby and friends that just loved me through it and never gave up on me.  it humbles me.  I now can have the pain meds in the house and take them only when the pain is severe enough that i have to get relief.  no more taking it for the feeling it gives me.  i was so thankful that when i took one the other day, and got that feeling like the first time i ever took it.  thankful because  I DIDN'T LIKE THE FEELING ANYMORE!!!!!!!  He has truly set me free.  He will do the same for you if you ask Him to.

Love ya,  Lucy

[sadinmichigan]

you KNOW what i mean...i'll never know "why' i guess bad choice of words..
I hope you are feeling better today>  Motrin kills my stomach too..Weird,,when i have taken so many other things and can't handle motrin..lol
xoxo
Lisa

[K Todd]

Oh Lisa,

I never asked myself why...I cried !!! - LOL

How could I ever figure out why? Sinful nature..simply put.

It's just I never saw it like I have today! - Actually, it is a blessing...It will take God to work it out of me, but He worked out the drugs....He can do ANYTHING !!!

Oh yeah, I buckeled up on the bed with all that motrin i took last night..!  lol

xoxo
Todd

[K Todd]

Oh my sweet Lucy,

I know I will never forget..but that is actually good, it just amazes me how Christ can forgive us with open loving arms at our very cry, but then He has to help us forgive ourselfs...Thats why I say the Love of God is beyond human comprehension!

Chef: Yeah, alot of times I knew what I was doing...but it was not until I am finally sober and off booze / drugs (By Him) that I saw the MOTVE in my heart was wrong in so many areas of my life...that I never saw today!
How you doing? Are you on day 2..?

God Bless You all,
Love,
Todd

[Katrina80]

Its good that you realize what you have done, im right there with you!