What to do??

[Beaten]

Hi everyone,
I was just reading some responses that i recieved from my first post last week. I would like to appologize for not responding sooner. Our internet is a ***** to get connected to and sometimes i'll be on and get cut off. Anywhoo i would like to thank everyone who responded for ur support, opinions, and advice. Its so good to have u. I would like to try and answer some questions that were asked. Someone asked if jason and i are married and the answer is no, we are just living together. We have talked about marriage but have agreed that this is as far as our relationship can go until we are clean. Someone also said that morphine is easy to come off of and they are right it is easy and we both could have done it 20 times over by now. the thing is that we can go for about 3 days right as rain taking only our medications and doing really well. Then i'll get this craving. Sometimes it just appears in my mind out of nowhere and u all know that feeling where u cant think of anything else. u try to keep busy and think about other things but u just cant stop thinking about it. Then jason will walk in through the door and i'll say i want an oxy really bad and he'll say ok. and thats it. and thats it and we'll go on for days like that. Jason never brings it up he just goes along with whatever i want to do. I have these days when i want sobriety so bad that i'll do whatever i have to get it. Then i have these other days when that mentality goes out the window and all i want is too just give up. Those are the days i hate the most. Right now where at that point where we wake up in the morning and feel as weak as two little kittens. For those of u out there who have children my hat goes off too u. I can barely get up the energy to go to the freakin bathroom...lol. Jason is already sold on the methadone idea and i support him completly. Me i'm not so sure. My doctors appt is on wed so i'm going to ask him about suboxone and talk about some other options. As for the rest i just have to get my head on straight and try to figure things out for myself. Thanks again guys.

[lifesaride]

have you guys talked about a suboxone? there's alot of info out there for it. personally i think its a better route than methadone.

[justlikeyou]

ive never known anyone ever do anything 'with someone else'

one or the other always fails and then the second person fails BECAUSE the first person did.

do it for your self, by your self, its your life.

if and when your a year clean, the person you marry will be,

[broknbck]

You two sound real cute together but it sounds like you are not going to be able to do this thing together. Why are you not sold on methadone but you still think it is alright for Jason?

I had a boyfriend for 2 1/2 years while i was using. Nothing bothered me that he did. ha , i always felt great because i was always under the influence. Looking back now with a clear head. I should of stood up and voiced myself a heck of a lot more than i did. He didn't use, only me.

This is a battle that is between you and the drug. And it is time for confrontation. You need to surround yourself with strong, sober, supports.

[confused456]

You sound very wise knowing that you don't want to enter into marriage until you are both clean. I personally think that is a good idea. I have read many of your posts, and I am wishing you all the best. Jason needs to say no though. Maybe if he said "No honey you really don't want an oxy, the craving will pass"...that would help a lot since you say he never is the initial one to bring it up. I am sure it is very hard for both of you, and I am wishing you both the best in whatever decision that you make. Is your Mom still around to help or does she know that you have went back to the pills? Just wondering as I know she was a huge support at one point.