Will i be an addict for life?

[Eveleivibe]

Will I be an addict for life now or do i stop being one now im quitting codeine?

[nursegirl6572]

I hope you really read and reread the last several posts to you, where people describe their OWN struggle, a lot of if probably sounds very familiar I'm sure.

Like everyone has said, we're here to support you, not judge you, and no one is mad at you.  Sure it's frustrating to see someone flip flop so much, but that's only because we WANT to see you find some acceptance and move on to helping yourself.  As much as you feel controlled, the ONLY one who has the ultimate control here is YOU, and right now (and for a while now)...the pills have been in control.

[NotPennysBoat]

Your family just cares about you. I was coming off of 80-120 mg of percocet every single day for at least a year. March 23rd I realized I had to stop, wasn't getting me high anymore and I was scared of what was next. I did what you did, told everyone close to me, my mother in law (a nurse), my father, my boyfriend, my closest aunt. Fact is, you HAVE to do this. You need people to watch you, to control your dosage.

Did I like when my mother in law came over with the senior citizen (no offense senior citizens, but I'm 28 :)) sized pill box (ie five boxes for each day of the week) and took my precious pills and spread them out through out the days? No I did not like it. I've always had that attitude too, its ok. The I'm gonna take however many I want when I want etc.

Point is, if I didn't tell everyone, I'd still have a secret stockpile of percocets. If I didn't fork over all my pills, go thru all my hiding places, I would've taken them at some point since I came off April 1st.

It may be annoying now, having everyone breathing down your throat (my house was grand central rehab station for two weeks), but once they see you are doing better they will relent a bit.

And also...I don't know if you're using one of those pill boxes, but they are very helpful, at least they were for me, in giving you some self-control. Something about seeing them all laid out like that, like NO I will not take the one for Monday at Bedtime. Also helps that people are checking in and they will be proud when you are ahead of schedule.

Hang in there...you got this, I promise :)

[littlegirlinbigworld]

I can tell you from someone who is just barely 2 weeks clean...that reading your posts are not a trigger for me. I read what you wrote and I am so glad that I made the decision to get out of that life and start a new clean one!  You might not think that you are hurting others but you just can't see what you are doing because you are too focused on getting high from your drug of choice. You said you have a child so you are in one way harming that child by spending money that could go to the child and by putting so much time and attention to getting what makes you feel good!  It doesnt matter if it is codeine or heroin or whether it is legal or illegal!  Either way you are taking the drug for all the wrong reasons!  All you are doing is trying to justify and convince yourself that you are right in what you are doing!  This forum is here to help the people that want to quit and that want to move on with their lives!  The very caring and helpful people are not here to convince you that what you are doing is wrong!  I hope you figure all thus out before it us too late!  When and if you do make the decision to get off this rollercoaster ride then everyone here will help you any way that they can!  

[ricart70]

I am not mad at you.I feel sorry for you because you remind me of myself at one time. This was before I realized how trapped I actually had become.It won't be long until you will have all of those drugs in front of you and you still won't be able to get high.They will stop working and will turn against you.
Now is the best time for you to get out of this.

[clean_in_ks]

You can "be in recovery" anytime YOU choose to be....it's YOUR call not ours.

But if you're still ingesting the drug of your choice and don't WANT to stop taking it....then you AREN'T choosing recovery right now.

NONE of us WANTS to be an addict.  We don't CHOOSE to be enslaved by our addiction.....but we DO choose RECOVERY "from it".

And yes, anytime you stop putting a narcotic into your body, you will go thru withdrawals.  You haven't really given yourself a chance to get to the other side of w/drawals because you have been taking codeine the whole time....even if you experienced some symptoms by cutting back your normal amount.  Withdrawals are inevitable.....but there are ways to make it more tolerable IF and WHEN you are ready.  The battle in your mind is HUGE right now......you will find a way to win the battle if you choose to.

"You'll never leave where you are until you decide where you want to be"

"If we wait until we're ready, we'll be waiting for the rest of our lives".

The ultimate POWER OF CHOICE lies within YOU.....

[weaver71]

I don't think anyone here is mad at you, they are just concerned for you. Sometimes the truth sounds like an attack or a misunderstanding happens, but I truly believe that all on this forum are only trying to help you, others, and themselves. If you don't understand why you would lose everything, go to an NA meeting and ask that question. Some fall hard and fast, others slowly fade away, but very few use opiates for 20 yrs and say, "Man I'm glad I used and still use so many drugs, I'm living the life I always dreamed of." The mind plays tricks to get what it wants, not what it needs. I don't know how many happy go lucky people end up suicidal from addiction, but I'm one of them. I never wanted to be an addict, I've always had good intentions, and usually put others needs ahead of my own. Looking back, I realize my intentions, thoughts, and actions weren't lining up. I used to say I wasn't hurting anyone. I hurt every single person who cares about me or loves me, without even knowing it. I became the master of rationalization and justification. In reality, I wasn't taking pain killers to be able to work and support my family. Chronic pain since I was 11 yrs old wasn't the reason either. I was doing it for myself, it's what I wanted to do. I remember the moment I realized how bad my situation was. My tolerance had gotten so high, after 30 years of abuse, that I took enough to kill me. My lungs stopped, I couldn't even drive to the hospital. I pressed my chest on the back of a chair to breath manually, for about 6 hrs. I finally admitted that I was out of control. Mind you, I still kept using for another couple months, but I had accepted my situation and started working on it with a new urgency. I didn't lose my house, my wife, kids, I really didn't lose a lot of material things, but I had been lost. The pills controlled my life, not me. The pills made decisions, not me. I couldn't see that until I was clean for a little while, it's still becoming more clear at 300 days. I hope you stick around and figure out why you crave opiates so much. You won't regret it. I also remember having trouble accepting that I could never take opiates again. I actually had a crying fit, when I said goodbye to my old friend. It was like a family member had died. Someone who was a part of every day and every event was gone. I don't miss the old me or my buddy at all. Drugs are a two faced friend that turned on me. I will never forgive them, but I have learned to forgive me.

How much and how long did you use again? It sounds like you want to quit, but are on the fence, that's why a lot of people have to hit a "rock bottom" before they make a whole hearted decision. Let us know what is the major factor that is making you hold on to the codeine. What is so great that you feel you can't live without it?