Feeling Lost, Broken and Alone...

[sheshe07]

So, I've joined this forum because of my husbands addiction to Percocet and Oxycodone. It's not a new addiction, but it's escalating. I was hoping he would "hit bottom" and realize what was going on, but that's obviously not going to happen.

I spoke to him about this "problem" about a year ago. I told him how much it hurt me and how much I wanted him to stop. He responded by getting angry (expected) and defensive. He said he didn't have a problem because he was in control. AND he said he didn't see a problem because it's not affecting him. He goes to work everyday and he brings home a pay cheque every week. There's no problem because he is still functioning properly and providing for his family. (he didn't mention the disappearance of sex, the newly found anger towards EVERYTHING, the mood swings, etc.etc)

Here's the interesting part... he gets his stock from my Mom. Yup, my own mother. And when I told her to stop and told her what she was doing, she stopped for a bit, but now they just deal behind my back.

So basically, his addiction went from not costing anything because he was selling them and just using the profit for his habit to $40/week to $60 and now we're up to about $160/week.

I don't know what to do. I'm 8 months pregnant with our 3 child. I was devastated when I found out I was pregnant again. I wanted to end the pregnancy because I was contemplating leaving him, now I feel stuck and even more alone than I ever thought possible.

Sorry for the long post... I really don't have anyone I can talk to about this. It's been wearing on me for a while now.

[sheshe07]

I want to thank you all for your responses and apologize for not responding earlier. Honestly, I've bottled this up for so long, it really just felt good for me to get it out of my head. I have been speaking to a therapist, but she's the only one I have said a word to and it's been a long and lonely journey.

Yes, my Mother is a heaving user of both oxy & perks. She's been on them for longer than I can remember. Years and years at best. She is now on a steady decline. Her health is fading, her body is deteriorating. Her mind is on it's way out. It's so sad to see, but like most addicts (who aren't ready) she's in denial. She denies it all. She won't listen. It's heartbreaking.

I FINALLY mustered up the courage to speak to my husband about his addiction the other night and it went very well. I started by opening up and told him how I felt. I said "I don't want to talk about, because I don't know if you are ready to hear me, but I need to get this off my chest. I need to tell you how this makes me feel." And to my surprise he said he has been looking into stopping. He said he has tried, but keeps going back. He said he knows it's time to stop and that he is ready.

We're going to go see a counselor and I am going to see about getting him into some meetings around here, but I don't quite know if he's ready for that yet.

Thing is, I don't think he understands how "bad" this actually is. He said he'd "stop this weekend" (when he has 3 days off) and that he's not worried about it because he will just be tired and feel like crap for a few days... If I'm not mistaken, I'm pretty sure it will be a little more severe than that. I've been reading up on it almost constantly these days and I know this is going to be a lifelong journey. A lifelong commitment. After almost 3 years of steady, pretty heavy use, I'm pretty sure it's going to be tough. I don't know how much he uses daily, but I  know he does them often and I know he spends quite a bit on them too.

Good news is that me speaking to him about his addiction and getting it out in the open has made some space in my heart and soul. I've been doubting and avoiding this pregnancy for months. I've never had the opportunity to be excited about it because I've been so scared. I've been so angry and heartbroken all the time, but for the first time EVER (with this pregnancy) I got excited. I was in yoga class last night and I got so overwhelmed with excitement that I started to bawl my eyes out. I know it's just the beginning of a long and difficult road, but it's a start. It's something. I'll take whatever I can get right now!

I wanted to thank you for your words. Hearing from other people, hearing about similar experiences and just plain hearing all your stories has given me strength and hope that I can get through this.  This forum is incredible and I can guarantee I will be getting a lot more out of it. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you all.

[sadgirl452]

this situation is so hard to deal with some days you just think to your self it will get better - but- it DONT i have the same problem with my husband wen i talk to him abt it the same reaction i dont have a problem and i dont hide nothing but he do get high with his friend i want my husband back but then again i want to run i wish i had the money to go get my own place move out and just live in peace with no worrys the pills is all he worry abt he has no intrest in us at all but wen he is on the pills he is mr Happy but wen he dont have them he is so mean,miserable at time im so scare that he might hurt me he try before i am his enemy all the time but im the one that is ther always he dont see that i truly starting to hate this man but i also love him ...help..christine

[sharon8522]

Wow...I have been in your shoes!  I completely understand the way you feel.  My difference is that my current fiance and I got together 3 years ago (after dating 25yrs prior).  He was seperated and I left my husband for him. I did know going in to this that he took percocet for pain (arthritis & gout).  Which at first I couldn't tell if he was on it or not...unless he added alcohol to the mix!  Then I started seeing some little blue pills...he told me they were just percocets without the tylenol.  I still didn't think too much of it, until I figured out he was snorting them!  Then my research online began. Yes, in my 46 years of life I've been blind to the whole "pain pill" saga that's been evolving.  His percocet addiction turned into a oxycodone and oxycontin addiction that QUICKLY spiraled out of control.  In my diligent obsession of finding out how much he was taking a day....I found out he was spending from $500 - $700 A WEEK!!   But again, he denied it all the way. He quit paying his credit card debts, (still paid necessities, rent, etc) but was using all the money he had saved ($30,000) and every penny of extra money from jobs (self employed contractor) for HIMSELF!!  So many times I wanted to say "F-OFF" and walk out the door!  I was miserable, regretted leaving my prior stable marriage for a drug addict!!  The financial comforts I was used to with prior husband were GONE!
I was getting so fricking sick of being lied to about money, lied to about where he was (said he was on a job when in fact he was meeting his dealer), lied to about cutting back when I knew for a fact he wasn't, etc.  It's just such a frustrating, heartbreaking, lonely, vicious, sickening feeling for the spouse/partner of a drug addicted person!!  He did get clean (ON HIS OWN) in August.  He said he was just tired of always searching for them, worrying about how many he had left and how long they would last, the money he was spending and just that they consumed his mind 24/7.  Truthfully I dont know how long I could've stuck it out.  And to be honest, if I had the financial security to live on my own - I would have been gone.  But, he is a completely different person for the past 6 months.  I pray and still worry everyday that he can make it.  You can email me privately anytime if you want to talk about it, I really feel for you and your situation.  God Bless!!  - Sharon  ***@****

[selfinduced]

I am so sorry about what your going thru. I know you feel stuck and alone especially having your family (mom) going against your wishes. Is she also heavy into pain meds and not thinking correctly? My thought was that maybe you could go to alanon for local support. Is that a a possibility? You didn;t create his problem, but you are living it all the same. You need to focus on your new baby and other children now. Keep posting for support. We are here for you.

[bmdad]

I'm so sorry about what you're going through. Addiction doesn't only have a devastating effect on the addict but also the family. You're in a tough situation and I'm sure that you're thinking that if he truly cared about his family he would just quit using. I'm sure you know now that it doesn't work that way.

Different people have different rock bottoms. I started taking pain meds after a back injury. I used as prescribed or over a year. As my tolerance starting growing so did my use. Luckily, all it took for me to hit my rock bottom was having my family questioning me about how I had changed. I was in denial at first but it eventually hit me that I needed to do something.

I'm sure you realize that just talking to him isn't going to work. Have you tried talking to your mom again? She needs to realize that she's not only bring him down but also his family. It may be time for some ultimatums and not only for your husband but also for your mom. She needs to realize that you aren't going to allow her to continue providing poison to your husband.

You need to let your husband know that you are there for him when he's ready to get the help he needs but you aren't going to allow this to continue to go on. How far you want to go is up to you. If nothing changes nothing changes. Know what I mean?

I do want you to know that this forum is a wonderful place and people will bend over backwards to help you and your husband. It's also a place where you can come and just vent. Do you think you could get your husband to come on the forum? I've seen so many people come here not ready to quit. After reading posts and talking to others they finally made the jump.

There will be some other members that will be able to give you some better advice than what I could. There are a few other members who aren't addicts but are here because of a spouse or child that is. Hopefully they will notice your post.

If you need anything don't hesitate to ask!




Brian