I dont even know what to do.

[Tiffany55]

My mom got a refill of vicodin the other day, now I cant stop thinking about them...she's hidden them but I still just want one so bad...I hate this :( I want to be better but its really hard. I had an ok weekend besides some troubles with this guy I've been seeing, and I guess it really brought me down cause I'm all depressed again...I dont know what to do with myself.

[Flutterby111]

I know....i've never heard them...had to use my imagination....

[Tiffany55]

Damn...I'm really not getting these analogies....I actually heard it in a rap song once, and I knew it was some kinda drug reference but not sure what hahaha...just one of those things I never cared to ask, but now I'm dying to know.

[Flutterby111]

I've never heard the onion before.....would garlic work too?  I think so.....or that'd be more the dirty wouldn't it?!!  LOL

[GoingToMakeIt]

You did good. Tomorrow will be better for you. I bet you will even see hope in being normal again. Good night.

[Tiffany55]

Yeah I see what youre getting at, and I explained to my mom that from now on she needs to handle her prescription business when Im not around...she apologized and said she didnt realize it would effect me so much and also said she shouldve known better, no harm done...just a lesson learned.  She has supplied them to me in the past and she wont anymore, she knows what she has done was wrong and nothing I say will ever bring her to give me them again...so I think that problem is squashed. :)

[Tiffany55]

Thanks :) Im very proud of myself. Tomorrows another day to keep getting better, or to get better at beating obstacles, either way...tomorrows another day and I'm ready for it.

[newgirl2708]

Thanks for the clarity on the 'how' you knew about your mom's script...
Now, ask yourself, why would she do that in front of you...? Why not wait till you're in the shower or asleep or on an errand. Any time other than when you're home and within earshot. TTTTTrrrruuussst me...she could have waited a few for that call...That's Parenting 101..
I'm sure it's innocent enough, but something to watch out for...triggers. Look at what misery it's brought you, when an ounce of prevention could have saved you today...pay attention, you probably didn't get here on your own...
Just me observin' on the west...
Anybody else thinkin'?

[GoingToMakeIt]

Tiffany, You have done well today. You have averted a bad craving today. You have gained strength today by saying no. Each time you do this, it will make you better and stronger. Good job.

[Tiffany55]

thanks :) i appreciate that...very much.

[danksmokin_hippie3]

dont worry abt theses people sayin negative things....im here for u

[Tiffany55]

thank you, reading that really made me think. Youre right on point with the whole selfish thing, I would steel drugs from my mom, and she REALLY needs them. It makes me sick to think that I did something like that, but like you said those things make you selfish...Awesome job on beating that craving, Im pretty proud that I didnt give in either.,,its a bumpy road but I cant wait to be on a bumpy road with normal bumps, like love,money,friends....not pills :)

[untwisting]

I think everybody struggles with hard days. I'm only on day 7 so still feel pretty rocky. I wanted something so bad I must have sat in the emergency room parking lot talking myself into getting a dem. shot. Sat for a while, drove out of the parking lot, drove back round about a million times and then drove home. This is the first time I had a bad craving and outlasted it.  Good feeling. No it's not going to be the last.  Really, stay strong, pray if it helps for your (I also listen to christian music to help me stay on target).  I'm looking for the feeling of pride that I hope I feel when I've gots clean months behind me. It's hard - but the alternative is worse. I'm only high for a littile while, then I'm back to where I started, going crazy to find drugs, using friends and family and feeling crappy about the whole thing - but it doesn't matter because the drug makes you selfish. Look forward to the better version of you when you get through the hard part and find a good maintenance program. meetings, counseling, a book, something that will give you ideas for how to deal with life and be sober at the same time.  Good Luck - we're all here for each other!

[untwisting]

I think everybody struggles with hard days. I'm only on day 7 so still feel pretty rocky. I wanted something so bad I must have sat in the emergency room parking lot talking myself into getting a dem. shot. Sat for a while, drove out of the parking lot, drove back round about a million times and then drove home. This is the first time I had a bad craving and outlasted it.  Good feeling. No it's not going to be the last.  Really, stay strong, pray if it helps for your (I also listen to christian music to help me stay on target).  I'm looking for the feeling of pride that I hope I feel when I've gots clean months behind me. It's hard - but the alternative is worse. I'm only high for a littile while, then I'm back to where I started, going crazy to find drugs, using friends and family and feeling crappy about the whole thing - but it doesn't matter because the drug makes you selfish. Look forward to the better version of you when you get through the hard part and find a good maintenance program. meetings, counseling, a book, something that will give you ideas for how to deal with life and be sober at the same time.  Good Luck - we're all here for each other!

[untwisting]

I think everybody struggles with hard days. I'm only on day 7 so still feel pretty rocky. I wanted something so bad I must have sat in the emergency room parking lot talking myself into getting a dem. shot. Sat for a while, drove out of the parking lot, drove back round about a million times and then drove home. This is the first time I had a bad craving and outlasted it.  Good feeling. No it's not going to be the last.  Really, stay strong, pray if it helps for your (I also listen to christian music to help me stay on target).  I'm looking for the feeling of pride that I hope I feel when I've gots clean months behind me. It's hard - but the alternative is worse. I'm only high for a littile while, then I'm back to where I started, going crazy to find drugs, using friends and family and feeling crappy about the whole thing - but it doesn't matter because the drug makes you selfish. Look forward to the better version of you when you get through the hard part and find a good maintenance program. meetings, counseling, a book, something that will give you ideas for how to deal with life and be sober at the same time.  Good Luck - we're all here for each other!

[toxictome]

Remember when you are reading these posts;
"Take what you need and leave the rest"

On this forum there are people from both ends of the personality spectrum and all points in between.  Everyone is entitled to their opinions and feelings, and these opinions and feelings are neither right nor wrong...they just are., so skip over the ones you don't like.

I myself, think tough love is appropriate in many situations...but i think it can be given in a gentle way. Hang in there and KEEP POSTING!!!

[Tiffany55]

Im right there with yeah...I cant be around people who even hurt themselves because I know they have pills around them. I had been seeing this guy(well not anymore, he turned into an a-hole this weekend) well he blew out his knee and I couldnt even hang out with him because I knew he was taking pills, I cant wait to be able to see someone with a broken leg and not think wow theyre lucky...free pills. SO horrible I know.

By the way, Im not really down with the lingo, whats an onion? haha

[Tiffany55]

Yay Im glad I made you dance!! haha I really do need to stay here, its helped me a lot. I'm glad I came here when I was having a craving, I will probably have a lot more of those moments...but I'm ready for them!!

[newmanagment]

my nephew stopped by to pick up his boy, which i had the last 2 days. he asked if he could borrow my digi for a minute and pulled an onion outta his pocket. HIS butt left realquick, cuz im just like you. i cant b around my doc, i cant see it, and i dont want to here about it, unless it is on this forum. things will hopefully get easier for both of us tiff. i dream of a day when i can watch cops without feeling sick to my stomach...

[Tiffany55]

So about my moms script...i was in the livingroom when she called it in so I knew she was going to get it..and then of course I asked for one and she said no and said they arent even in the house so dont even think about asking again...she doesnt realize that even just hearing about it hurts me...

[newmanagment]

yeah tiffs gonna stay!! im dancing all ova the living room!! we need ya here, as much as you need to be here. keep posting, ignore anything you dont like, and stay positive. to want to use is natural, heck i want  a hit all the time, but i come here just like you did. thats wut makes you a winner=the choices you make when you are tempted!! much love

[GoingToMakeIt]

Way to go. And that first week or two, your emotions can be all over the map.
You can do this!

[newgirl2708]

Good Girl..and...Thank you...
So please answer my question about your moms script...I'm interested.

[Tiffany55]

I am staying...just hit a little bump(not the taking a pill kind of bump) but ive just been so depressed today...and reading what that person said just sent me over the edge I guess...but I wont let anyone define who I really am, thanks GTMI..

[newgirl2708]

Tiff, why did your mom tell you she got a refill? Or how did you find out? That's too bad it's even mentioned or brought up. Glad to know she's hidden them, but in the future the less you know the better.

VicUser, you are right on the money.

Tiffany's fine, aren't you? You are staying with us. You have too. You've gotten too much help and support from us to go away now. And we need you to enlighten us.