Wow, here is a forum I never thought I would see again. I've sat on this site, watching the conversations pass, and remembering what it was like. A year is coming up. its been countless N/A meetings, lots of crying, lots of heartache.. but it was worth it. It will be a year clean in less than 30 days.
I won't go into my story, as anyone who may remember my posts will know, I was in a serious downhill spiral. Only I could pull myself out of it. Sure, I have an outstanding support team, yet they were not there the days and nights I spent in rehab... alone. going from... " I can't wait till i get out of here to use".. and over the course of time to.. " I can't wait to go home.. clean"
I will share with you my "defining" moment, the moment that really made me stop and think.. it's very silly, but.. humor me, and play along..
While in rehab, a mentor stood me in front of a mirror, and said.. "what do you see".. of course i could not answer that, I was still furious at the time. so the next question was.. "WHO do you see" now, keep in mind, as an addict, I saw a person who was beautiful, smart, sexy and knew what she wanted and how to achieve it. ( that's the wicked power they have, right?) that's exactly how I answered the question. wait, excuse me. that is how the ADDICT answered the question. She then held up my Intake picture, the one when you first walk in? about that..
She said, "that beautiful, smart, sexy woman?" here she is.. through the ADDICTS eyes.
through the time I used, I often wondered why people asked me every day for 5 years, "are you sick, do you feel well?" After seeing that picture, now I know.
To everyone who struggles daily in their own addiction. I am living proof you can overcome this disease. I convinced myself I could NOT live a day without my narcs. Here I am, almost a year later, never taken anything stronger than a Tylenol. You can do it. we are all here to help.. anytime..