Aa
Angry at myself
I blew it. I couldn't take the fact I wasn't sleeping at the time and went out and got more of my DOC. I had forgot to delete the text message with my dealers #. So there it was just sitting there when I looked and got a craving. I can't believe myself. I hate that I have to start over again. I hate that sensation of false euphoria it gives me. I just want to be happy with myself for once!
Sounds like your doing all the right things -- your riding out the WDs like a champ and you have a solid aftercare plan.. Great job!!! A few more days and the physicals will be over and then your on your way brother.. Just keep you resolve and you will start racking up those clean days -- one at a time : )
All the best!!!
All the best!!!
Glad to hear that things are going pretty good and you are getting some energy back. You are not rambling...just letting us know how u r doing which we enjoy! Keep moving forward!
Hey buddy! It sounds like you are doing great and coming out of it! god to hear and it sounds like you have a good plan going. The elliptical will help for sure. Keep going and keep doing and soon you will be feeling much better. Great to hear that you are doing well friend. ;))
Well, I wasn't too productive after I got home from work. I felt like I hit a brick wall energy wise as work concluded, so I didn't end up getting my work out in. Instead I took some "me" time by taking a bath and watching one of my favorite shows Chicago Fire on DVR. I just took melatonin in hopes I drift off to sleep soon while watching college basketball and if I'm still up watch SVU & Chicago PD. I am trying to go to sleep early so I can start the workout thing in the morning. I read its not smart to work out later in the day anyways as it could potentially disrupt my sleep pattern. So by working out in the AM I will be really tired by the end of work tomorrow. Any one have thoughts on my plan? 4 hours away from being halfway thru day 4!! Pumped where I am at so far. Cravings have crossed my mind but I play the tape out. It's not worth the money or my life!!! I am going to an NA meeting tomorrow night with a guy I met when I was going to meetings during my ~7 day stint of sobriety earlier this month. Hope all is well and you guys don't think I'm just rambling as no one has responded today...
Tim
Tim
I bought some melatonin and l-tyrosine today. They helped me in the past when I've gotten clean. Wouldn't hurt to use them again right? Home on lunch and that means I have hit the 3 day mark! I'm maintaining positivity right now and it really helps, even with this 2nd round of polar vortex coming down on us. It is FREEZING cold and windy, definitely looking forward to being clean in warm weather!!!!
Gotta take the dog out in this mess right now and head back to work. The L-Tyrosine is definitely working, I feel as if I might start my elliptical routine tonight instead of waiting. Why wait to get those brain chemicals going again??
Cheers everyone,
Tim
Gotta take the dog out in this mess right now and head back to work. The L-Tyrosine is definitely working, I feel as if I might start my elliptical routine tonight instead of waiting. Why wait to get those brain chemicals going again??
Cheers everyone,
Tim
well sleep improved a little last night, I laid down on the couch after dinner with friends around 9 and fell asleep there for two & a half hours. Moved to my bed and didn't toss or turn too much before falling asleep again til about 2am and from there I know I woke up again at some point but fell back asleep until 645am and here I am. I so look forward to sleeping through the night, even if it is just 6 hours. While my motivation still isn't back, I am starting to get used to being up early again. I enjoy laying in bed looking at posts on this forum. I hope by this upcoming Monday I can force myself to go use the elliptical for 15-30 minutes and get a light lift in when I wake up. The start of the 2nd week I usually am able to.
Happy humpday everyone, god bless.
Happy humpday everyone, god bless.
Hi hurtin. I think nursegirls idea about changing your number is brilliant especially if you had multiple sources. When I cut my source I owed him money too. You best believe you will continue to hear from him until that debt is paid. After that the account will be officially closed. I put the money in his mailbox so I wouldn't have to see him. Think of all the money you spent and how much more you are going to have now. That is a great motivation. Make an appointment with an addiction therapist or go to an NA meeting. The men there are accustomed to talking an the coffee is free! Most.of all just don't use. It really is that simple. Time will pass quickly and things will improve even though it may not seem so now. So many have done it so WHY NOT YOU?? You got this! Stay close and post often.
Hi there! I just wanted to chime in and add my support. I agree with cutting your sources. That's just SO vital, and as you've found out the hard way, if you leave avenues open, it makes it too easy in those moments when you're vulnerable to get a hold of a drug.
If you really want to step it up and set up even bigger roadblocks for yourself, I would recommend getting a new phone number. Talk about cutting yourself off from the people who you associate from using? Heck yeah! Just think of how much control you'd have, as you would only give your number to people who wouldn't at all be related to your using days.
I'll tell you another reason that it's a good idea, because it's very easy to forget about someone who may have your number, you know? The last thing you would want is to be working on your recovery, only to get a surprise text or call from someone offering you drugs. Add to that if that text or call came during a weak moment, all bets are off.
There's no protective, self preserving measure you can take when it comes to addiction that is TOO much, or too over the top. It may sound melodramatic, but the honest to God's truth is you are fighting for your life, in more than one way. So, give that some thought. Changing your phone number really would be a very proactive safeguard to put in place for yourself.
I wish you the best.
If you really want to step it up and set up even bigger roadblocks for yourself, I would recommend getting a new phone number. Talk about cutting yourself off from the people who you associate from using? Heck yeah! Just think of how much control you'd have, as you would only give your number to people who wouldn't at all be related to your using days.
I'll tell you another reason that it's a good idea, because it's very easy to forget about someone who may have your number, you know? The last thing you would want is to be working on your recovery, only to get a surprise text or call from someone offering you drugs. Add to that if that text or call came during a weak moment, all bets are off.
There's no protective, self preserving measure you can take when it comes to addiction that is TOO much, or too over the top. It may sound melodramatic, but the honest to God's truth is you are fighting for your life, in more than one way. So, give that some thought. Changing your phone number really would be a very proactive safeguard to put in place for yourself.
I wish you the best.
PS - my boss today offered me Sabres tix for tonights game and before I turned them down I was looking in my contacts list for people to call to go and came across other numbers that were related to using and promptly deleted them!! Felt very empowering!
That was/is one of my biggest things things that I have to work on, is talking. My uncle who passed away from prostate cancer last December wasn't a talker and neither is my Dad. I want to work on that, and I will when I find a therapist.
I have taken Melatonin before but it seems not to help in the beginning. I will give it another try. I need to pick up that and some magnesium it looks like.
In the mean time, I need to muster up some energy to clean the crap out of my apartment before my friend comes over before we go to dinner. I need to take a page out of my mother's book who is always staying busy by cleaning something, doing laundry, etc. I shouldn't just come home from work, make something to eat and sit here until I toss and turn. I plan on joining a gym soon too.
Thank you VIC, your words mean a lot. When I would lurk on this site I always looked for your advise on other posts. To have you comment on my own thread truly means something to me, thank you again!
I appreciate everyones encouragement and advise as well, you're the ones pushing me through this!
On to blasting music & cleaning! 51 hrs + in!!! Hope my neighbors don't mind, and if they do, they're gonna have to accept the fact I'm working on recovery and I need it!!
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!
I have taken Melatonin before but it seems not to help in the beginning. I will give it another try. I need to pick up that and some magnesium it looks like.
In the mean time, I need to muster up some energy to clean the crap out of my apartment before my friend comes over before we go to dinner. I need to take a page out of my mother's book who is always staying busy by cleaning something, doing laundry, etc. I shouldn't just come home from work, make something to eat and sit here until I toss and turn. I plan on joining a gym soon too.
Thank you VIC, your words mean a lot. When I would lurk on this site I always looked for your advise on other posts. To have you comment on my own thread truly means something to me, thank you again!
I appreciate everyones encouragement and advise as well, you're the ones pushing me through this!
On to blasting music & cleaning! 51 hrs + in!!! Hope my neighbors don't mind, and if they do, they're gonna have to accept the fact I'm working on recovery and I need it!!
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!
Very proud of you Hurtin...you are making the right moves. You are starting to heal. I'm with Vic, I'm n a phase where I'm wanting to sleep all the time...which is crazy You are a fighter. You are rocking this thing! Keep pushing thru!
Hi..I have been on here for a while..This has got to be one of the best posting I have ever seen..The reply's you got are so awesome.
Sleep and Energy seems to be the last. Have you tired the Melatonin yet?? I used to take that with my Cal, Ds, Potassium and the best of it all is Magnesium. I took this at night..The sleep will come in its own time. I thought I would never sleep. Then after a while all I wanted to do is sleep. I called it my "Catch-up" sleep. Just hang in and fight for your Life. I wish you the best..
PS..Telling your secrets is ONE of the best things you can do for yourself in Recovery. I am proud of YOU!!
Bless
Sleep and Energy seems to be the last. Have you tired the Melatonin yet?? I used to take that with my Cal, Ds, Potassium and the best of it all is Magnesium. I took this at night..The sleep will come in its own time. I thought I would never sleep. Then after a while all I wanted to do is sleep. I called it my "Catch-up" sleep. Just hang in and fight for your Life. I wish you the best..
PS..Telling your secrets is ONE of the best things you can do for yourself in Recovery. I am proud of YOU!!
Bless
hi Hurtin:
I am so happy to see your post about getting prepped up to try again. You know what they say "when at first you don't succeed, try try again." Except, set yourself up for success this time by doing all of those things you mentioned. Look at it as challenge you can and will overcome by taking the right steps and using all of the tools at your disposal. You're going to feel like a superbeast when you do succeed. It's very possible, and if you need proof, then look no further than the hundreds of success stories in this site.
Change the way you do things this time. Delete the hell out of that contact and all others, enlist the help of those around you, and be willing to say that nothing at stake is more important than your own life. Really, your life is at stake, because what good is living a life of very little quality?
You have something important to give this world, and you won't ever be able to do that if you preoccupy yourself with using. You can forgive yourself for using that money, and find a way to pay it back by getting clean and perhaps volunteering your coaching services for children in poverty stricken areas of your town so that they can then build up their self esteem and not try to turn to drugs. You have important lessons to teach. You are far from worthless.
I am definitely pulling for you, and I can't wait to see you succeed!
I am so happy to see your post about getting prepped up to try again. You know what they say "when at first you don't succeed, try try again." Except, set yourself up for success this time by doing all of those things you mentioned. Look at it as challenge you can and will overcome by taking the right steps and using all of the tools at your disposal. You're going to feel like a superbeast when you do succeed. It's very possible, and if you need proof, then look no further than the hundreds of success stories in this site.
Change the way you do things this time. Delete the hell out of that contact and all others, enlist the help of those around you, and be willing to say that nothing at stake is more important than your own life. Really, your life is at stake, because what good is living a life of very little quality?
You have something important to give this world, and you won't ever be able to do that if you preoccupy yourself with using. You can forgive yourself for using that money, and find a way to pay it back by getting clean and perhaps volunteering your coaching services for children in poverty stricken areas of your town so that they can then build up their self esteem and not try to turn to drugs. You have important lessons to teach. You are far from worthless.
I am definitely pulling for you, and I can't wait to see you succeed!
I agree 100% on this. The not sleeping is the absolute worst of the symptoms next to RLS, and it's so encouraging knowing people return back to normal in time.
I so look forward to getting home on lunch and letting you guys know how I'm holding up. It gives me great pleasure talking about this and getting it into words and off my chest. I feel okay physically, definitely not 100% but managable & do-able. I basically have no energy and diarrhea. I came clean about a financial situation last night with the help of my sister to my parents. I spent money on using for a team I coached. Terrible to say it, I know. So I opened up a credit card to pay for the bill for the team gear and in my head I said I'd pay it back. Sure, right! I neglected to pay it at all and interest / late fees built up. I think the reason I kept using was bc I didn't want to deal with it. Now that that is out of the way, I need to focus on keeping my apartment clean and catching up on about 30 lbs of laundry that I haven't done in a month. I am going to try to meet up with some friends for dinner tonight at 6:30. I am not going to drink or smoke or use at all that is for sure. Just going to try and enjoy my food although I probably wont be able to eat a lot. I am now officially on day 3. I hope the RLS doesn't bother me as much as it did last night tonight.
ugh i must not be a morning person, either that or the lack of real sleep has me feeling like not moving at all today. I slept some but it was more like resting, not real sleep. maybe 3-4 hrs max from 930 last night until 730 this morning. whatever, don't have time to dwell on it. gotta shower up now, take the dog out and go to work. the only thing i look forward to is the dan patrick show 9-12 and listening to music at work. helps me really forget about what im going through. 42 hr mark.
COngrats to you. Very positive outlook and attitude right now. I agree with Kyle tho that maybe you should pay him to shut him up and stop calling. idk. Your doing great. Keep fighting.
Been home for an hour and a half now. Still not feeling physically horrible so I will take it. The immodium and gatorade I picked up yesterday must really be helping out. I have noticed I'm depressed as all ever right now tho, and I also dislike that as much as not sleeping. I am pretty tired though from today I will say that. I plan on taking some benydryl to hopefully knock me out for a little bit tonight so I can get after it tomorrow. Heres to 29.5 hrs! I will not cave this time, I know the sleep and depression will wear off eventually!
Dealers calling you will be a source of temptation. You need to let them know that you've stopped for good. If you owe money then maybe you should pay so he stops calling.
K
K
Hey everyone, just got home for lunch. I feel ok right now compared to the Day 1 last week I had to take off work. I'm gonna eat some soup and take my dog out to the bathroom. I got a call from my dealer (twice actually) that I ignored and then proceeded to block from my phone. I owe him money, but screw him. He can either wait or never see it because I really want to be done with this ****. I don't have much motivation today but it almost seems like its flying by. thanks everyone
TG
TG
When I detoxed two years ago, I posted about not sleeping more than I did about the actual detox. No matter how you might try to avoid it, for most of us re-establishing a normal sleep pattern without meds is very hard, especially after going through the physical withdrawal. After my 6 days in hell I was patting myself on the back for my efforts, then I couldn't sleep. Man, was I surprised, but I got through it, just like I got through the actual detox.
Keep in mind that old saying - if we don't learn from our past then we're doomed to repeat it.
You know you have to cut all your sources. You need family/friends as support, and you need to get to meetings.
I hope things go better this time - I hope that you've learned from the past.
K
Keep in mind that old saying - if we don't learn from our past then we're doomed to repeat it.
You know you have to cut all your sources. You need family/friends as support, and you need to get to meetings.
I hope things go better this time - I hope that you've learned from the past.
K
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