well, hello to all and most who do not know me, I am a revolving, relapsing addict. I can sit here and complain about pain from 5 back surveyed and 2 fusions but that's a cover up. I wanted to get high and used pain as an excuse. I recently had a double fusion in my back that took 7 hours and another 7 in recovery, I spent 6 days in the hospital and I was pushing that Pac pump every 15 min to get that morphine. Anyway, we addicts can learn from one another and as of 6 days ago, 3 days out from the hospital from major surgery I flushed all my brace down the toilet, I wanted to feel the pain because I feel I deserved it. I started to go to na meetings the same day, I was not suppose to drive because of my back but I had to weigh my options. Well now after meetings every day sometimes 2 a day I am starting to see some progress, yes the physical withdraws are off the scale, my mind is so depressed but guess what ,,I am clean, and that is my only objective. I would like to mention I am not a lite user gaunt means and I am a full blown addict. For all the newcomers the most important thing you can do is go tormenting, people will help you, we are all in this together, I am only saying this because I have tried to quit thousands of times with no success. These meetings na are giving me a reason to stay clean. Just saying , peace and hugs to allot us,,bugsy