what do i do with a self destructive 19 yr old determined to be miserable?

[baracudamama]

I don't know what to do with my son.  He has already lost 1 job for being drunk on the job @ 19!  He has serious anger management issues.  He is now cutting himself as well.  He is miserable and wants everyone to know it but wants noone's help to get better.  He was engaged a year ago but he cheated last summer so she broke up with him and he's been on a downward spiral ever since.  It wasn't a good relationship to begin with.  She was 5 years older than him - long story not pretty - but he can't seem to get past her.  He worked 2 jobs to try and please her financially, ended up falling asleep driving and took out 2 light poles.  Lucky to be alive.  That was last Sept.  He never paid the ticket.  Just got arrested.  Just bailed him out 2 weeks ago.  And my boss, who had given him a car when I was in the hospital having my cancer surgery, took the car away from him the day after I got him out of jail.  So...his life is falling apart and I don't know how to put him back together again.  He just asked me, his mother, to get him some Jack Daniel's!  Hubby and I are social drinkers.  There's no alcohol in this house!  And I wouldn't give it to my 19 yr old son anyway.  What now?

[overopiates]

I am praying for u and your family.As stated u cant make him WANT to get better BUT u do have some power.U can take a gentler approach at first with the ideas above.Getting him to a doctor to address his depression and alcohol use also the cuttimg which is scary(family intervention as well is a great idea).If he refuses to address these issues you and his dad or another relative can get him committed.That is something you can get through the court easily since he is cutting himself and has a history of drinking and driving thats documented HE IS CLEARLY A DANGER TO HIMSELF and even though it may sound harsh its whats best.He needs to c a therapist about all these issues.Just so you know from someone who has been through drug and alcohol abuse at his age as well as deppresion all went untreated then that ex fiance was the trigger for all of this not the cause.I truelly believe he would be dealing with these issues regaurdless eventually.If this all goes untreated u will be hearing about this samw girl,how awful he still feels about it5years from now.When u r depressed and start abusing substances u dont process and get past things they stay raw and painful for however long it is until u address the issues head on.He is very lucky to have u.Be his mom not his friend and do whatever it takes for him to get the help he needs even if he hates u at first he will bw so greatful n the long run.I had a"friend"not a mom when I was19 thats why I didnt get clean and deal with my depression until I was n my late20's and lost so much time.He is letting everyone know he is unhappy because he knows deep down he needs help even if he is resistant to it.If he didnt want you all to help him he wouldnt let everyone know his issues.Even asking u for alcohol is a test to c if u love him enough to say no.

[littlebit667]

Bkitty gave you great advice.  You have no control, but what he is willing to do.  I hope you can find a way to support your son.  There is another group you might check out so you are getting all the support that you need.  It is not as active as this one, but might be useful.  It is the alcoholism group
http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Alcoholism/show/158 and there is also one for living with an alcoholic  http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Alcoholic--Living-with-an-/show/217 .  

[Bkitty]

You might want to try a family intervention,,keep in mind he will only quit when he is ready. Maybe if you have a detox place or doctor appointment to address the depression he is having that might help. There will be some other members that will come along that are very knowledgable with helping family members. You might also want to check out an Al-anon meeting for yourself they can provide you with the tools you will need to handle his addiction~Bkitty((hugs)) Its a tough one when you see your kids headed towards a oncoming train. I wish you the best