advise for those that want to stop using

[Tom86]

Im a recovering pain pill addict and have been reading some of the newer posts on here over the last couple of days.  I keep hearing the a lot of the same worries over and over.  "Im afraid of letting anyone know"  "Im afraid of telling my doctor"  I can certainly relate to this.  Us addicts are so good at keeping our drug use a secret.  Hiding our addiction is almost a full time job itself.  Because I didnt want anyone to know I let my addiction continue and ruin my life.  I can tell you this.  When I did finally reach out for help I had destroyed so much of my life.  I was suprised to learn that I had a real medical condition.  Yes a disease.  I was ashamed because I thought I had just become a selfish bad person.  I went to my personal doctor who was more than understanding.  She told me that this is a disease just like diabetes.  Wow I couldnt believe that she didnt think I was a bad person.  She said with treatment I can live a normal life again.  She referred me to a addiction doctor and I was detoxed and started a out patient program.  They explain everything about your disease and what to expect and how to deal with issues that are sure to come up.  I know a lot of people are great on here to tell people how to detox on your own but keep in mind that detox is about 5% of what you are sure to go through.  Your brain is not right.  when we have a problem as addicts we cope by using.  Its what we do.  Now that thats not an option you have to learn how to deal with life in other ways.  You will need lots of aftercare.  NA is great for this and I can not tell how important a sponser is.  Your sponser is someone who is an addict also but has at least a year or more of clean time.  He/she can help you. Remember that thing between your ears is broken and keeps you thinking like an addict.  If you try to solve our issues with your brain you could end up right back where you dont want to be.  Use your sponser and listen to them until your brain heals.  I just want to let new people know that there is more to this illness other than detox.  Just something you may want to consider.  You need to be honest with your family and doctor.  Chances are they know something is going on with you and they are concerned.  Dont let the excuse of being afraid of telling those who care about you.  Every 19 minutes someone in the US dies from a prescription overdose.  You owe it to yourself and the ones you love to get better.  Good luck

[VICourageous]

Right on. I do all of the above that you said but I too was in the health field and now am very much into learning all about the disease of addiction and how the brain transmitter work and on & on. It is great stuff. When I was in school they only showed a egg in the pan being fried, my mom said they should of scrambled Ha! But yes it does take time for all of the brain to balance out again. I heard this from a head Dr. WOW that long I said. but going into my 6 month from methedon, benzo and adderral I feel pretty good ment but my body took awhile. I know it keeps getting better.
I wish I would of known all this info yrs ago, but should of could of,  would I have got it then??
God Bless us All
vvic

[Tom86]

Sweetness, I am a medical professional.  But Im afraid Im not a therapist and my advice to your personal situation would be inappropriate.  I was just trying to stress what I believe is the most important part of our recovery that is not talked about enough on here. I do suggest you seek help.  Remember you can always go to your nearest ER.  They can at least point you in the right direction.  Good luch

[Sweetness91]

Tom, the first time I went, it was an "intake" and all I did was cry...they wanted to talk about me having been molested at a young age by an uncle, and having to care for my mother from the age of 16-21 when she passed away. I didn't take the first pill until I was 29...I had already dealt with those issues so having it "be the reason I turned to pills" just didn't fly for me. Once I had taken them for awhile, it was easier to take them than not to, if you know what I mean. I want to do therapy, but I guess it's all about finding the right one or group?

[kyle505]

Tom:
Thank you. I can't tell you how many times I've received less than friendly responses when I've stressed the importance of telling your secret. My whole approach to recovery is based on over 15 years of failure, and all of those years were shrouded in secrets and lies. Truth is the only thing that cuts through the crap that we hide behind. Telling your secret is on of the hardest things we have to do, but if we don't we will relapse.
Again, thanks so much.

[Tom86]

Sweetness,  I also have had a very hard time with all my shame and guilt that I have from my use.   I became so drepressed I went on depression meds.  Im still upset with myself.  We as addicts do horrible things.  Thats the nature of addiction.  You actually know you are doing bad things but cant control your actions.  Science has proven that addicts place their drug use as a priority in their lives. Its just as important as things you need to survive food ect.  our brains are  telling us that if we dont have it we will die to an extent.   We even put our drug use above of the most important things in our lives such as family, friends, and jobs.  What my IOP team has taught me is that the feelings are completely normal and expected.  First you have to put the past behind you and keep doing the right thing.  Some people will forgive us and some wont.  None of them will if you are not doing something about it.  The IOP group therapy is difficult to begin with because you are with strangers and you will need to open up and share.  Once you tell people whats going on they will open up to you and you will learn from each other.  You will hear stories that make your situation seem mild.  We learn from each other about how to deal with your illness.  They are sick just like us.  Group therapy is priceless.  Trust me its a life saver.  I too started using for a legit back injury.  My use got out of hand quickly.  Many people do one on one therapy.   Im sure it works well for some.  I just want to stress that therapy with people like us that know what we have been thru and are going thru is priceless.  good luck

[freebird227]

Awesome.... I too am a regular at NA... I have a home group and a Spiritual Mentor.... unless someone has been to a twelve step program, they have all these pre concived ideas of what it is.....again with no personal experience. People like that are more than welcome to their opinion~~but I would just assume they keep it to themselves.. Lives are being affected daily on some of these post.... it saddens me. I know that the Steps and the principles behind the steps helped me to gain more freedom and insight as to what my Using Triggers are...and it has brought me long term clean time.... It is like a roadmap to recovery. Mental,Spiritual and Physical..... As I often say my desease of addiction seeks to Kill, Steal, and Destroy my life... It is very cunning and very patient.....Thanks for the great post..............Just for today.

[Sweetness91]

I have a question for you Tom...I do know aftercare is very important. I tried Family Recovery Services and spent three days doing nothing but crying and hashing over all the horrible things that have happened to me in my life. I truly do not feel that is what caused my physical addiction. Maybe I'm wrong though. I started on meds after breaking my back and herniating 3 disks...and the meds just kept getting increased to the point I couldn't live my life that way anymore. I think I could do ok one on one with a counselor...has anyone tried that?

[Tom86]

Thanks for sharing.  Yes without aftercare I would be in full addictin again.  This disease is so complex and cunning.  I love that people are here to help others I just read post after post that seems to tell people how to detox and no mention of how much harder it is for addicts to stay clean.  My god Detox is really the easy part if you think about it.  Its all the other day to day problems that cause us the real problems.  

[bama88]

Great post. I agree with you 100%. Detox is just th. Start. Aftercare is a must. If a person thinks I can do this all on my own they will fail. This disease is pycological as well as physical. I think fear is what holds us back the most. Fear of being embarrassed judged abondonned shunned. And many many more negative thoughts. Fear is a very porwerful emotion and is completely negative.

And our brains are very sick. I think the mental aspect of addiction is the hardest part. We make it so much harder on ourselves. Most people keep fear as an excuse to not go to meetings or go to rehab or any after care. When in reality we need after care. Without aftercare which should be a part of the healing process there is a 90-95% chance of failure. Thats huge. Logical reasoning isnt an addicts thinking. However logic will return after we've gave ourselves time to heal.

If our best friend had this disease we would want them to get as much help as possible. Yet we think we don't need help.

And why do we think that?? Why do we think we don't need help??. Fear of the unknown.

We owe it to ourselves to get aftercare. Thanks for letting me share.

[toothfairie]

thank you for the post!  was great to read!

[dominosarah]

Great post!