anxiety and urge to use after withdrawal

[genelle2020]

Hi everyone, I have posted here just a couple times, so most of you don't really know me well. I am on 51 mgs of methadone that I started using 7 years ago when I had pain, osteonecrosis in my jawbone, the pain was unbearable and I had no break in pain whatsoever. I was using oxycodone at the time, I think I most I ever took was 10 10mgs a day but my tolerance was just getting up there , way too high so I knew I needed to do something about that , so the doctors put me on methadone, and here I am 7 days later. I had 3 surgeries over the years on my jawbone and I have found that over the years my pain has really subsided, so much that I don't feel I need to be on the methadone anymore, so I am starting my taper, in two days I will go down 2 mgs for a week and then 2mgs the next and so on and so forth, as tolerated. I have never liked being on methadone although it did take away my pain and also the urge to use oxycodone, it never bothered me at all that I wasn't using oxycodone anymore. As I have previously mentioned, I am scared of the whole withdrawal thing, but after talking to my methadone doctor last week I do feel a load of anxiety lifted because she said that I can choose to do this withdrawal my way and that she is only there to guide me, I had thought she was going to make me go on Suboxone when I get down to 30mgs of methadone, and I don't like what I have heard about Suboxone, so I have just decided I will wean slowly, there is no rush for me to be off methadone, although I wish it was just done and over with. What I wanted to ask of you guys is this thing I keep reading about....... depression and anxiety that seems to really hit people hard, it almost seems like it is worse than the physical withdrawal itself. I have been thinking about this and am wondering if maybe I am going to get away with not having those cravings etc because methadone did nothing for me except help with the pain , I never got a "high" off it , nor was I looking for one. I see people posting about their " drug of choice", methadone is not my drug of choice, I hate it with a passion, it is evil!  I am not somebody who is always counting their drugs or worrying I won't have enough, I have never , ever abused methadone. I don't understand it when I see people say they get a high off methadone, even when I was up to 130 mgs , I never felt any high.My methadone doctor said that I am not psychologically addicted to methadone, just physically dependent.  I would like to know what you all think of this, do you think I am going to suffer the agony in my mind? I don't see why I would, but you are the ones that would know the answer, as a lot of you are now clean from drugs. I would appreciate a response from this. Thanks much!

[marycarmel]

I have no personal experience with methadone, but I have had terrible chronic pain and was dependent on narcotics physically.  I never got a high off any narcotic, though oxycodone made me sleepy in the beginning and Fentanyl caused me to also be very tired.  I have to agree that even if you don't have the "mental" part of addiction, narcotics still change your brain.  It's one of the reasons I chose to taper off everything and try to manage my pain in other ways.  You'll get great information here and you may also want to look at the Pain Management Forum if your pain does become an issue again (hope not!)

[ricart70]

So did you get a high off of the oxy you were taking?  The answer to that question is kind of important in answering your question about the methadone withdrawal

[Rodbird]

I can only give you MHO. Weather physcial or psylogical it still has some effects on your brain. You may be one of the lucky ones, that have little to no wds. However, I am tapering myself and do have mild wds. So far I have been somewhat fortuante that my wds arenot as bad as others. I still am very sinsitive to those who have to suffer the horrible effects of all of these types of drugs. Its a frightful experience and one must be catious as you wd. You will only find out once you start.

Stay close to the forum as there are some great folks that will be glad to help as much as they can. Best of luck to you!