Do I have an alcohol problem

[Kelly814]

Hello all :)

I am a 43 yo married mother of 1.  I have been drinking in the evenings for the past 5 years.  My consumption has worked itself up to a half to 3/4 pint of 90 proof vodka per evening.  

It started out as a way to help me fall asleep.  I have fibromyalgia, and all the meds I was taking for it were making me sick.  I found that a shot or two before bed worked as well to help me sleep, without the side effects of the meds, so I stopped taking them,and had a couple of shots a night for a year or so..before my tolerance level caused me to increase to my current amount.

I do not crave alcohol.  I crave the state of being incoherrent.  In fact, after a dental procedure last year, I had a prescription for vicoden, so I took one each night and didn't drink for 30 days.

I feel like alcohol is my drug of choice, but I'm not an alcholic.  Obviously, I have a problem with abusing alchohol, but I don't think that I have the disease of alchoholism.  Still, I can't imaging getting through a day without the "treat" of getting a buzz each evening.. by whatever means.

I hold everything together to the extend that noone would ever guess that I have this problem.... as long as noone calls me after 10 pm.

Am I rationalizing?  Is there a program to help people like me?

[sherry5035]

hi, Its Nov.20th hows your drinking going? I know you refuse to hear this but you are an alcoholic. you can do whatever it is you do,but if you cant stop you need help. you would not be here if there wasnt a little voice inside you telling you that you have a problem. I wish you so much luck in your self discovery. The first step is to be truthful with yourself. alcohol is a very powerful drug and it will do all it can to keep your hands around the bottle. best wishes and good luck.

[ZJILLIAN]

What's going on? I just read your post about drinking Vodka every night. Which is correct?

[ZJILLIAN]

Thanks for the update! You have found a solution that works for you. Congratulations. Holding it to one beer is great. If you need help in the future just post or message me.

I think you've done a really good job. You are a strong woman.

[Kelly814]

Thank you to everyone for the replies.  Just a quick update.  I've stopped drinking the Vodka completely and have  switched to one  24 ounce can of 12% alcohol by volume can of Earthquake High Gravity Lager each night.  

Truth is, I like to drink before bed.. it doesn't cause any problems in my life.. and I'm just not ready to give it up completely.  If I can keep it at this level, I think I will be okay..

If not, then I'll have to face the fact that I cannot drink reasonably.

[narla]

I started the same way anything to numb and fog my brain,there were things from my childhood I didn't want to remember.I can't remember having just 1 drink if we went somewhere were we'd drop in to "have a drink" I wouldn,t bother because I knew 1 wouldn't be enough.I tried to cut down many times where I'd only drink on a weekend,But 2 days would lead to 3 days which would lead to 4 days and so on.I also used codeine at the same time.Yes I'm an alcoholic,and yes I'm a codeine addict,I've now been clean for 48 days but I know I could relapse at anytime.
I started drinking at 14 and using codeine at 27 I now have liver damage I'm 47.The results of my abusing substances.

[HealthySquid]

You sound just like me except I was only doing that for 2 years.  Now comes the story.  One day I was fine, the next day I started having very bad abdominal pain.  During the day it got worse and worse.   That night, I didn't sleep one wink.  That next morning I was at work at my normal time at 7am in a meeting.  I left the meeting at 7:15am and went back to my office crying while laying on the floor I hurt so bad.  After about 15 minutes of that, I got up, went back to the meeting, and told my boss who was there that I had to go get something for my stomach.  He asked these magic words, "Are you going to the hospital?"  Of course I said, "NO!"

So, I left.  On the way out of the parking lot, all I could hear was him asking me if I was going to go to the hospital.  Well, I decided to go to the hospital.  He didn't know that he just saved a life.  I had a very very bad case of acute pancreatitus.  They admitted me within minutes of walking into the ER.  I had a heart attack, stroke, and all my organs were shutting down all from the pancreatitis attack.  I have no memory of the next 7 days.  I was in the hospital for a total of 15 days but left with a chronic pancreatitis condition to which got me on the oxycodone which is another story for another time.

Just because you don't drink a fifth everyday or have drank for 20 yrs doesn't mean this could not happen to you.  I would suggest you find a doctor to fix your issues and NOT drink any alcohol to solve issues.

[ZJILLIAN]

Alcohol withdrawal is unpredictable really because we truly never know how much we have been drinking. You can try it on your own and lots of people have but if you feel you are getting really very sick then I would call a doctor. It is hard to give advice about this. I needed to go into a detox/rehab and I went in an ambulance...I never looked "like an alcoholic" you know the stereotype. I drank in the evenings to go to bed and was never drunk. I worked hard, even was finishing up reports as they were carrying me out on a stretcher. Try looking in the phone book for drug/alcohol counseling, or groups. It doesn't have to be AA. But support is really necessary at least for most of us. Which in itself was hard to accept. But it is important to quit. It really is. And if that is the goal you will find a method that works for you. Keep reading the different posts, look at the Alcohol forum, nice people. Ask them how they got sober. And keep in touch! Let me know how you are doing and what your latest thinking is like. You Can Do This!

[Kelly814]

Thanks to everyone for the thoughtful replies. In response to a couple of the questions.

I am definitely not able to stop at one drink.

I'm really just trying to turn off the day at the end of the night, if that makes sense.  I have alot of stress that I don't deal with well and have a really hard time relaxing without help.  

I've never been to a meeting.. and I'm willing to accept that I have a drinking problem, but I really don't think AA is the right place for me.  

I would really like to try to taper down, but I'm really afraid of withdrawal.  Any advice in that area would be much appreciated.  

  

[worried878]

u know if u control the world..and ur consumption/tolerence would never increase/and no one ever needed u after 10 pm/and no stress to add to ur possible problem/then u might be ok

this is all speculating tho..in reality ur tolerence will get to be more and more///ur consumption of vodka will begin to affect ur daytime behavior///u will begin to drink earlier and earlier//and more and more...anything we have to have for any reason/be it a person, a substance, a cigarette (which is really a substance)...anything we need that is outside of our own mind to function can be taken away or cause problems for us..needing anything can lead to trouble..whatever the "need" may be

u see the road u r going down or u would not have sought out this site//it is a great place to be..i was a pill poppper but i c how easily alcohol could replace my doc/fooling myself that drinking is legal etc...have u ever tried a aa meeting?

[chopper841]

Hello Kelly my sister and mother have fibro so I know some of what your going through.  Your problem lies within you?  What are u trying to escape from?  Your the only one that can answer that.  Fibro is not an excuse to drink I would much rather see my loved one take valium or ambien for sleep then drink themselves to sleep.  That's my opinion but don't take this the wrong way I'm here for you.  I would be honest with your Doctor about your trouble sleeping and get on something else and off the booze and work on why your drinking.  Some people here may disagree and feel it's subing one drug for another but this is my opinion.  You have taken your first step I will be here for you but get to a doctor please.  

[ZJILLIAN]

You sound like how I sounded 26 years ago. I was only drinking wine in the evenings, every evening, and maybe an occasional Valium or pain pill. I wasn't an "alcoholic" or anything, everyone agreed. I was too high functioning; actually trying hard to be just about everything to everyone, everywhere. The problem was when I tried to stop.

Alcoholism is a self diagnosed disease. One test they always tell you about is to try to drink only one drink every night and see how long that lasts. I stopped drinking and it was extremely hard, had terrible withdrawal which surprised all my doctors because nobody thought I was "drinking that much". (Well they said THEY drank more than I did). I went to AA, got a sponsor who said when she first met me "just because you have your make-up on doesn't mean you are OK."

It is not the alcohol I craved it was the feeling it gave me and how it made me feel and how it allowed me to keep functioning under so much stress. I am an alcoholic and also I am an addict. I absolutely know that I am not capable of having just one drink.