back again...

[cheesystick]

ive been teetering back and forth here since the beginning of september. i am tired of it! be clean, then use. be clean, then use. and it continues. until now!!! im tired of putting myself through the w/d's every time! today is day one. i am going to do it. i woke up this morning without any pills, and decided not to get any. **** this addiction. im done. i thought i would be feeling terrible like all the other times, but im really not feeling too bad... really surprising. maybe it is mind over matter, but its a beautiful day outside and it just feels right this time. i did go to my town's NA meeting about 2 weeks ago, and had a horrible experience. most of the people there were court ordered, so they didn't really want to be there. a guy even asked me if i knew where to get anything! ugh! i felt so uncomfortable there...definitely wasn't the right group for me. i will try a meeting in a nearby town.
heres to everyone else in the same shoes as me, lets do this. there is nothing that i want more and i know you feel the same way. so lets quit wishing, and putting it off- and take some action. today is day one of my fresh start and it feels amazing.

[Punkinhead75]

Glad you're here and giving it another shot.  There were so many time during my addiction where I tried to stop and made up my mind to not pick up.  Only to be drinking and drugging once again soon after I swore off the stuff.  No matter how much willpower I could summon it still wasn't enough.  One night I was so sick and tired and beat down I said the magic words "God please help me."  I was at my bottom and willing to do anything to be sober.  I had been completely humbled by my disease.  I could no longer fight it and win.  When I uttered those magic words a strange peace came over me.  It didn't last long.  The miracle came when I tried it again.  I was still willing to do whatever it required and humbled by the butt kicking.  When I reached up and asked God for help the peace arrived once again.  In a short period of time my family introduced me to a friend of theirs who is a recovering alcoholic.  We drove to another mans house, picked him up and went to a meeting together.  At this meeting I was shown a way that works.  A way that could keep me clean for the rest of my life if I wanted it and was willing to do it.  God answered my crys by dropping my butt in a chair and showing me a new way to live. That was over 5 1/2 yrs ago.  Today I am blessed with 4yrs of sobriety.  I relapsed when I decided that taking care of the yard was more important than being sober.  At the time I wasn't willing to ask for help,  I wasn't willing to go to any length to stay sober.  My sobriety was taken from me. Today I am sober because I learned my lesson.  Honesty, humility and willingness.  It is good to be sober.  Make the right choice.  God Bless!!!

[gnarly_1]

Hey Cheesy glad to have you back on board....you get sick and tired of being sick and tired
now for this to work you got to want it bad....so bad your willing to do the things it takes to get and stay clean....some of this might be out of your comfort zone at first but in the end acceptance will gain your sobriety we have been threw detox with you ...you know how it goes we will still be here to support you threw it...but its after the detox I wish to adress
I am another one that believes a walk with God is extremely helpful you need somewhere to pull your strength from when you just dont have it in yourself...I know you had a bad experience at your local meeting but there all not that way keep checking and you will find one that will suit you it is threw aftercare that we learn to change the very way we think it is essential to walking a clean and sober lifestyle ...I know you can do this its just going to take some perseverance and a solid plan for recovery we will be here to help you along the way but its up to you to put the time in....I tell everyone...put as much time into your recovery as you did inyour active addiction and you will come out clean and sober and learn to enjoy your new lifestyle...keep posting for support good luck and God bless......Gnarly    

[quitinoxys]

Chessy gnarly has given you great advice take it and run with it. Going through w/d's is actually the easy part staying sober is the hard part. I felt that aftercare was only for someone that had a serious addiction problem. I keep telling myself (or rather my addiction was telling me) that I was just dependant on my DOC but I couldn't have been more wrong. Through aftercare I learned the tools to cope with my addiction and to stop denying my addiction. Today I am 101 dats clean and thanks to God, the people on this forum and aftercare I know I will make it.  I will pray to God to that he will give you the strength to stay on the road to recovery as he did for me so keep on keepin on and God Bless you---quitin

[Lindsay_T]

Cheesy, Glad you are back. Let's kick some drugged out but! Oh and I wonder how you got THAT from my profile thumbnail? I tried to squint my eyes to see the "thong" but just could not...
Your profile, however looks like a bunch of pills spilling out of a bucket... Just kidding!! LoL. missed you. You can do this!!! I've stayed the course, but almost slipped on Sunday after a champagne or two. I got the "old" me back and was constantly praying that I wouldn't act on it! I did not, but it showed me that drinking is very dangerous to my pill recovery.

[LeaAnn807]

Hi!  Good to see ya!!!  Now....do this and don't make me kick your a$$!!!!!!!!!!  You really do have to be so tired of it and ready for change!  

I'm with ya and cheering you on!!!!!  Post here often, and we will help you!!!!!!

[FassFeat]

Cheesy, glad you are back. We are here to help and support you. Please read Gnarly and Punkinhead's post.. it is the best advice you are going to get anywhere. Happy you found your way back. Andrew

[cheesystick]

DAY 2. just got home from a looong night at work and i have the worst headache. arghhh. i found a 1/2 30mg percocet in my makeup before i left for work... and i flushed it. so proud of myself i nearly cried. lol! im going to take some ibuprofen and try to get some sleep. "try". thanks everyoneee for the support :) ill keep posting.

[laurel453]

hey, so well done :)