bad news today.

[cheesystick]

So today, as I am celebrating 3 days clean from oxy, i got a text from a friend i haven't talked to in a while. Turns out that one of my old friends overdosed on heroin last night. he was a really good friend and he was sober for a while, last time i saw him which was like a month ago he was telling me how good he was doing. now i find out that he relapsed and died. im just in shock. i cant even think. not only do i feel like **** from the w.ds, now im sad and allll i want to do is get a pill to numb the shock. im so upset, everyone is. he was doing better. i know this really isnt a question but i had to get it off my mind. my cravings havent been this bad at all. tonight is the worst night yet and i am trying to stay strong but its so hard... ughh. im feeling pretty down right now and i dont know what to do to comfort myself.

[chronicmistake]

I just  wanted to check on you to make sure you are doing ok.  If you need to talk I am always here.  Like you have not noticed.  I am off work for a bit so always on computer.  :)

[dominosarah]

What a great gift to give yourself on your birthday, you being clean!!  

Hope you got some sleep.......sara

[laurel453]

Cheesy, sorry for your friend... we don't realised how much we are fighting for our lives...make this choice to stay clean everyday because it is hard and we must commit ourselves 100 %...do whatever you need to stay clean, please.... it is hard as first, we don't want to think that we have to make changes for life....but we were making bad changes on our lives while on active addiction... everyone was for the worst.. Now it is the other way, every change is for the best, choose always what it is best for you each day at a time... it gets easier wiith time and you will feel better... hope you sleep :)

[cheesystick]

thank you. its been really tough tonight to deal with this. i was already an emotional wreck because of my withdrawls.. but this just puts the icing on the cake. he was only 18. im about to turn 21 in october and im excited to spend my birthday sober. i just cant believe he is gone. i am glad that i am making a positive choice to stay clean because i dont want to end up like that. and i was surely heading down that path. life is so fragile, and no one is promised tomorrow. im going to try and get some sleep. but its probably not going to happen :(

[chronicmistake]

I am sorry you are hurting.  I understand.  I lost my best friend to Vicodin a few years ago and I think that is when I went down hill with abusing pain medications to numb my feelings.  Remember that it is a good thing to feel pain.  It means you are alive and sober.  Stay sober for yourself and do it for your friend.  We are all here for you.  

[maydecember62]

OMG!! Terrible!!! I'm so sorry!!! Heroin is harder than oxy I assume, couldn't imagine his struggle, but I'm sure it's very similar...

Keep your head up!!! Don't give in to numb anything!!! Know you don't want your family to go thru the loss of you!!!

Your sobriety is everything right now, so go day by day, hour by hour if you need to. Take your mind off of it, a movie, bath, or sometimes an old fashioned cry!!!

If you see our blog, we are 4 days into it and getting better, but today's hard. I can't stand the insomnia, and achey-legs....but I know I want away from these and that's our #1 priority!!

[dominosarah]

I am so sorry about the loss of your friend.  This is the hard cruel reality of addiction.  Usually once a person relapses after being clean for awhile they go back to the same dosage and that is usually what does them in.  As for you, i know you are in shock and hurting.  Try and look at this as something you dont want to happen to you as it could.   The best thing we can do when faced with this tragedy is to continue on in our own recovery and educate ourselves and others about addiction.  I know how you feel as i said goodbye to a very warm kind loving man a couple months ago who died from his addiction.  Using isnt the answer as there is nothing that can numb these feelings up.  We face these sad times head on now.  Hugs to you     sara