Craving

[stilltrying1965]

I think i know what  brought this craving for heroin on. As i have not craved like this for a few months. It goes to show that we have to be on our gaurd constantly. This came right out the blue.But i think i know how it started. Me or Kim dont keep tin foil in the house never. But as we are away on holiday till monday i opened the kitchen drawer and there it was right infront of me a big roll of foil. Thats when i started to think of my active addiction life and started sweating.Do you think this could coz my craving Kim thinks it was.Its not as bad as when i first seen the foil but im still thinking about my old d o c. It really hit me hard but i will continue to fight and keep my clean happy life going Thanks for lisening,,,,,,James

[laurel453]

Hi James :)

from what i have heard to other heroin addicts, yes, it could be because of the tin foil, they say that even after years they still remember the process and all the stuff... But what i wanted to tell you is that what a difference i can feel in your words.... some months ago you would have panicked with these cravings...... you sound much much stronger and this is so good, james.... your work is paying off, don't you think ? :)

[IBKleen]

Hey Buddy!

I know those cravings are rough but they do pass.

Just last night someone told me that the tv show Intervention was on so while I was cooking I flipped on the channel. I walked into the den from the kitchen just in time to see some young kid sticking a needle in his arm. I felt all the blood drain from my head and I had to sit down. In an instant I tasted it in the back of my throat. James, God willing, in a few weeks it will have been 22 years since I used my drug of choice and I STILL get cravings and thoughts. I don't think it will ever go away. The difference today is that I know not to act on it. I know to remove myself from the situation..to pick up the phone...to go for a ride in the car....whatever it takes to occupy my sick mind until it passes.

This is why I look twice at the people who say "I got thru the withdrawal", "I'm all better now". Surprise! It has only just begun. This is a life long disease with no cure. It takes work, a lot of it some days, to stay clean. I cannot control my thoughts but I can control my actions.

Hang in there my friend and do what you do best---SING!!!!! And talk about it. You know it helps.

[stilltrying1965]

Laurel yesits paying of before i would have panicked and most likely went outand bought heroin.Now i know better it will pass. Ill get through it whatever it takes. I also think it was the foil. Laurel you are also right i feel i have more tools to deal with cravings you made me so happy and put a smile on my face. When you said i was stronger yes i beleive i am stronger. For lisening and reading ppl,s stories on MH Thank you so much laurel,,,James

IBKleen you have tought me so much over the last few months.I also agree addiction is a disease and we must fight and watch for that moment of weakness were it can all go wrong and then we are using again. But when i got that craving i started to do somthing i love that was lisening to music. It really did take my mind of the heroin. IBK you will make 22 years i just know it. But again you have tought me never to think i have my addiction beat and i thank you for that and for helping me talk about cravings. As you said they do pass i dont feel asbad as today. Thank you IBK and yes ill start a song of tonight LOL thank you IBK ,,,,James

[gizzy32]

I hope this craving passes soon for ya James, they are scary and no fun. Keep busy and remember all the reasons you quit and how life is so much better clean. Glad you posted instead of using. Keep working it!

[laurel453]

wow,..... again, much much stronger, yeahh :)

thanks to you too, james !

[stilltrying1965]

Gizzy tanks bud yea scarey and not very nice.But i beleive i can cope im happy i posted to and never used. That is not an option for me know Thanks Giz ,,,,James

[Jade59]

So proud of you, James!!  

I'll tell you a short story.  My husband and I smoked cocaine back in 84 - it wasn't crack or meth, we made it ourselves, it was called something else, I forget now.  We did it for that one yr in 84, then never again so 26yrs ago.  To this day, my husband thinks of cocaine when he smells a vanilla candle and there are all sorts of songs from 84 that make me think of that year instantly!  Not the feeling of it after all this time, but definitely reminds me of it.  

So yeah, forever on your guard, James!  And I love what IBK just said (I first heard Avis say it and copied on into my journal)  "I cannot control my thoughts but I Can control my actions."  Man, doesn't that just sum it right up? :)

p.s. oh yeah, it was called 'freebasing"

[stilltrying1965]

Thank you Jade Im happy that you only freebasied for a year as its very much like crack. Im proud that you only did it for a year my doc was heroin and very hard to stop. I had not craved in a long time but it showes me even more to keep my guard up. As IBK said i cannot control my thoughts but i can my actions. It says a lot in a few words Thank you for your comment it means a lot to me. Keep on living the clean life Jade we all desserve our freedom and me and Kim worked hard for ours Im going to keep it Thanks again Jade ,you have also like the others helped me make it through this craving ,,,,James

[vicki595]

Good job,Handsome!!    I'm so extremely proud of you,for all of us!  We're so much better after leaving all that $hit behind!!

Love to you both!

[Lindsay_T]

Just wanted to send hugs out to you and Kim. I went to my second "meeting" last night. The topic was relapse risks. I was amazed by the concrete tools that are available. The phone, this website, knowing how cravings can sneak up and how sneaky our addiction can be. All of these tools make me stronger. Also encouraging others the way you do helps you be strong too. I don't know you, but I'm very very proud of you. Pulling for you, keep being awesome,
Lindsay

[dominosarah]

Glad you came on and talked about it James.  I still listen to music all the time.  It got me thru the wd's and some other pretty rough times.

Jade......I am really glad to see you posting on here!!!

[10356]

Hey James.. it is good to see you post and hear the strength in your words :) I understand the cravings of association with our way of use. Gary keeps syringes in the basement our one of his work rooms I really try not to remember but I find I do think of them and it will be over 31 years that I have shoot up. You really do sound so much more confident in yourself and are learning to accept the battle we face.. I read this and it took me a lil to respond as I have been going through a monster craving today. I wish music had a soothing effect for me but it makes me crave worse as I associate with just about everything in my past. so as you know I'm lurking.. speaking with gary and taking strength from you and all on this board.. Your post came at a good time for me. but sorry you are going through it. I hope you know how Proud I'm of you.. warmly letakos

[Jade59]

Hey Lesa, I know just what you mean with the music.  Sometimes it's too much and any at all is too much to bear.  Truly sorry to hear you're struggling.  Congrats on getting through *today.*  Life is hard...but you can do hard. ♥

[stilltrying1965]

Vicki thank you for your comment they all help me when iknow my friends are rooting for me Thank you Vicki ,,,James
Lindsay T i dont know you Lindsay. But when i get support from ppl i dont even knoe makes me more determind to win my battle and stay clean Thanks for the comments they really do mean a lot Thanks Lindsay ,,,James
Sara you als have helped me through some tough times and that tough love you gave me worked Thank you also Sara ,,,James
Letakos our connection is unequie as we craved the same day. As we beleive we are bonded in spirit and soul. Im sorry you had a bad craving too, but you are a strong woman who means a whole lot to me. I hope my sister feels better today ,,,,James