Trying to find my happy off of norco

[Vibe1luv]

I've passed two weeks. Feel like I'm getting myself back. But the times I miss the high from the hydro is uncountable. Not that I'm keeping track. I got in bed at 8 last night and mostly slept until 8 am. I'm dealing with a shoulder issue that got me my script for norco in the first place. It hurts. But not unbearable. I've regretfully gained like three pounds. My appetite is crazy. I hadn't been hungry in years!!! Now I wake up with a rumble in my belly. But my bowels are finally fully working!!!
I got a phone call today from a "friend" haha asking for a hook up. I proudly said "I'm done" and hung up. And blocked her number.
I have a ton of anxiety. Tons. I hate to think about performing at my spin classes but I have to mentally prepare so obviously I gotta put some thought into it. Then the stupid anxiety get worse and the obsessive thoughts happen. Like what if I can't. What if I f up. What if my life is always so anxious. Found a happy spot for a few hours in my garden. Preparing for fall. But even my hobby feels blah.
Just for today... Right. I dream of going to bed when I wake up. LOL. Depression right. Trying to naturally up my brains chemicals with Comedy Central. And sex. And walks. And cooking. And puzzles. My grandkids. And doing what I love. (Not necessarily in that order) But some hours the mole hills feel like mountains!!!
Love. Peace. And light to you all.

[Tina6444]

You are doing fantastic!!! I am so impressed with your sleeping and appetite. It took a LONG time for my appetite to improve; I am still not there. Great decision to implement a new routine and setting!

There are so many avenues of aftercare and explore them all. Fine what fits with you!!! I went through a few therapists and finally found one I adore. I have realized I had prior depression and a pretty compulsive cleaning habit before pill. Post pills... I determined I needed to address these issues as of course depression is worse without lovely Norco:)

My therapist specializes in addiction, OCD, anxiety, depression, and cognitive behavior therapy. I enjoy our appointments and feel more empowered after. I was an individual that did truly need to be medicated for my issues as aforementioned. It took awhile but I am pretty happy finally.
Regardless of your plan stay as positive as you can!

[Jerry198]

I'm not a meeting guy but they do work for most people, although I did attend some for a great friend to help her through alcoholism and the one thing that I found was everyone there was a mess clean or sober or day one they all needed something and you just have to blend and let the guard down just try and think that you are all equal and looking for help. you have this almost beat just stay positive and do what makes you happy I know its hard to not think about those pills I do it everyday I hope one day it will stop but until then I just deal with it !! PILL FREE

[VICourageous]

I Ditto all the above.
Time & Patience and soon that Body will follow your Brain!

Hang Tight and Do Not give UP!
YOU have come to far.

Bless
Vickie

[Krissy_123]

I had a really hard time being at home too after I quit. It was my safe harbour,where I took my pills and vegged. I'd do anything to get out,meetings go for walks as far as my body was able to take me at the time. It's like a veil is lifted from your eyes and you see the world in a whole new way. I didn't like my home anymore. I had to change doctors too,there was no way I could walk in that clinic and not crumble to the floor thinking of my oxys. I'm ok now,my home is once again my safe harbour,not the place I was so sick for so long I didn't want to survive. I'm glad you're getting away,it will help!

[Vibe1luv]

I'm crying. Thanks ladies.  Im thankful  for all the advice and caring.  I'm leaving town alone today. Just felt like I had to escape. Get away from the old routine. I have a feeling I'm not going to spend much time at home for the next few months. And that's fine.  I have to housesit for three weeks next your money and lock the meditation time. I feel stronger today. I just had zero motivation to do anything except not use . Thank you again so much

[dominosarah]

I am going to tell you the 2 most hated words a recovering addict can hear.......Time and Patience.......both self explanatory!  It takes time to readjust our mind and body to the non using mode and patience to get thru the time!!  You are overwhelming your brain with all you think you need to get done right now.  Prioritize those chores, write them down.  Set small goals with those.  You are clean another day and with that you are a success!

[gnarly_1]

Hey Girl  congrats on making it 2 weeks any day a addict doesent use is a mirical.....as for the meetings  here in phoenix we have 200 meetings a month so it is ez to find one your comfortable in  just keep checking out other meetings till you find one's that fit.....I go to the same 3 or 4 a week and have been doing so for a wile  I know all the regulars and always befriend the newbees as addicts we think differently then normies and thats why you get that ''deer in a headlight'' stare from those that dont suffer with addiction  I have been clean a wile now and have learned you can learn even from someone with a week clean....I also need to here how bad it is out there...things havent changed since I was out there  keep posting  get to meetings and dont pick up no mater what and everything else will fall into place with time..............Gnarly

[Vibe1luv]

I totally know that my meeting feelings were my own insecurities. I tend to have some social phobias anyways. And my brain the dumb part was like " you don't belong here"... My right brain knows we are nothing but the same exact thing. And I am as welcome as the next person.
Thanks again guys for listening to my ramble. I didn't sleep last night and that makes me feel set back. Can't just pop a pill and hammer through. Gotta do it on my own. Which is a challenge I'll take for today. I have no interest in slipping. It grosses me out that person I became. I want to work a bit today on releasing her and forgiving her because after all it's me!!
Peace and happy Tuesday my fellow humans :)

[jifmoc]

Hey Vibe- I have too 100% agree w/ my girl Krissy. It's just YOU feeling self-conscious. You are projecting. They're not thinking about you, they're thinking about themselves. As newcomers, we also use that thinking to tell ourselves that we don't belong w/ "these people", that hey, maybe what we did wasn't so bad, maybe we should just go back and do it alone using lots of willpower....You can see how that thinking keeps us stuck.

I had the identical experience as Krissy; found out that AA encompasses alcoholics and drug addicts (most people had drug issues, too.) Turns out, it doesn't matter: we all used a substance to escape from reality.  It's still the 12 steps and addicts helping each other.

With all this learning a new way to live stuff, if it feels weird and uncomfortable, you're doing the right thing! Remember, taking pills and being in our own insanity feels comfortable. Now we have to do the hard thing: learn to live a new way.

For RLS, I've also heard that bananas help. Keep posting!!

[Krissy_123]

I wouldn't worry about ppl looking at you in meetings. We are all scared at first thinking everyones starring at us. But you need to remember these ppl are addicts too,they go for themselves they could careless what you're doing or wearing. If you didn't like them specific meetings try diff ones at diff times or days. It took me a long time to find what was right for me. I didn't like the N/A meetings either,I actually go to AA Meetings and there are lots of other drug addicts there too. As for your rls,have you tried elavating your legs on a pillow and using a hot bean bag,or hot water bottle? Even wrapping a warm blanket around them will help.

[Vibe1luv]

I'm awake. Ugh.
Nice to be able to come on here and find someone to talk to even if I'm typing to myself. I have such restless legs. I'm just going with it. Not gonna stress and worry about tomorrow. Or today lol
Bonnie- awesome to meet you. I surely feel the not burdening. I haven't told anyone except hubby and my massage therapist. I feel totally alone. Except you all. I did a few meetings. And I feel horrible saying this but I felt so out of place. I live in a huge meth community and I've never even seen it. Except when I did social work. And I felt like I was being looked at strangely. Maybe it's my own insecurities. Or my expensive jeans and bag. Idk. That sounds so wrong of me to say. :(
Anyways I'm gonna write out my weekly workout and menu and try to get some sleep.
Peace. Love. And light. We DO have this. And so it is.

[dedicatedtostop]

Your doing great! I believe you will find that Happy medium anytime! A lot of this now is min over matter. Keep positive, think and speak positive and it shall be! Force all those negative thoughts aside when they come and they shall pass. I truly believe this! Your doing great, congrats on 2 weeks! That's a Huge accomplishment and you should be very proud of yourself.., I am proud of you!

[mooneyb1]

Vibe, I had the smiles too about all the bs with the phone! Good grief....the hours and hours I spent staring at the thing waiting for a ring or a text alert. Is that the doctor calling to let me know the refill was called in? Is that my hook up telling me when and where to meet her? And oh the physical anguish when it didn't happen or the answer was no!  I'm on day 16 from oxy/hydro, which I used to replace Tramadol. But it ended up not worth it...same trap, different drug. I don't sleep without melatonin and/or benedryl. I have to force myself to remember my personal hygiene. I've been taking Celexa 40's since around 2004 for anxiety and depression (tons of personal loss that year) and it still helps some.  But I too am having a battle with really deep sadness since going ct. It's my biggest issue, really.  I know it will get better and I hang on to that. I'm not much of a talker, but the meetings help somewhat and my husband too. No one else knows what I'm doing right now and I try not to over-burdon him with my thoughts. I truly feel your pain on this and I AM saying prayers and wishing you blessings everyday. We can do this together one hour/day at a time. Sorry for the rambling! Sending  "  you peace and love. -Bonnie-

[Vibe1luv]

Smiles... I snickered thinking of all the bs that came with addiction. The running out fear. The planning. The lies. All crap. The last few months I felt like ****. Chasing the high on the same mgs. Keeping a constant amount of norco in my system.
You guys rock. I guess I've always been a little depressed. I lost my son when I was just 22 and well life never was the same. I found joy in my kids. In my grandkids. In my family. In working out. And gardening. And my husband. Right now it all feels like a chore.
I know one month will feel better than two weeks. And so on and so forth.
Yeah Larry I'm getting sleep at night. No medication. Just pushing through the days with no naps and lots of activity. We are remodeling a 100 year old house and there is always a lot to do!! Go go go. Even when you wanna lay down.
Again. Thanks guys for the support. I'll ignore the it's gonna be a long long time statement. Accept the positive ignore the negative. ;-)

[pillguy]

You're 2 weeks in and you're getting sleep!!!  I'm so jealous.  :-))  so, does it take a "very long time"?  There is no destination here.  It's the journey.  You are going to start feeling much much better in a couple weeks.  2 months is going to feel way better than 2 weeks and 6 months is going to feel way better than 2 months.  It's almost all good.  Just don't forget why you needed to stop using. I try to keep those memories as part of my recovery.  Like waiting for that phone to ring to get hooked up.  Spending all that money.  Looking in that pill bottle and realizing I m going to run out and I'm going to be very sick.  Freaking out when I think I've lost my stash.

I don't have to worry about hose things as long as I don't use and it's important for me to know what I'm going back to if I choose to use.

Cheers

Larry

[Jerry198]

You have it in the bag !! just find what makes you the happiest and roll with that you have made a great choice and have done a great job thus far just keep it up I've been clean for months and tomorrow  is the day I get my RX filled in the past and I still have that craving its just a mind game and I'm stronger than that you just have to work through it best wishes.

[vicki595]

I don't understand what Tramadol has to do with anything.

[salizander]

Yeah, it will be awhile until things are better. People who truly know about tramadol and have years of experience with this demon drug will understand that.

Reality needs to be stated here, even though I'm probably viewed as a big meanie. But I don't promise rainbows when I know that storms will always come.

[vicki595]

Vibe- I don't believe it will be a "very long time" until you feel better. It just takes a few weeks to adjust to the lifestyle change.  A protracted depression needs to be evaluated by your doctor. People who have a hard time with depression are usually people who were depressed prior to the pills.

Keep doing what you're doing and keep getting that good sleep. Watch out for the craving of starchy foods and sweets. It will sneak up on you.

[salizander]

It will be a very long time until your depression and anxiety heal. But you are dedicated, and I admire you. Keep your chin up!

[Krissy_123]

You're still so early in your recovery. You're doing great,but you're right it takes time. And good for you for saying no and blocking their number!!  I'm at 10 months and still have to look for things that make me happy,I think that's part of the problem. We have to quit looking and just live. Let them come,and when they do enjoy the hell outa them!! With the drugs we had instant gratification,nothing could bother us,sh!t I still miss that feeling after all these months. But it's not real and it's not normal. You're doing great,you need to try not to think to much. That was my issue too. It just causes unnesasary anxiety. Are you in a recovery program?