craving bad

[davidr714]

im posting because i was set to go get drunk, i stole money from my moms purse thats how get my the money i would go get drunk with is steal it. i put the money back. i was triged by watch and video on the computer and was off, i didnt do it but i was close. most times i am  trigged at night. anyway i havent gone to a meeting since friday. i guess i dont like meetings because i am feel worse after leaving them i guess because i am always saying i drank again. i am glad i came here to post instead. i dont know how i am going to make it. i mean how not going to cave  i belive i am going to keep caving. i wont tonight but what about tomrow or the next day i feel like its going to happen. i wish i could oppen up at meetings how i feel but i cant the anxiety hits and i just pass. its funny i used to talk at meeting all the time but never about how i fell.

david r

[dominosarah]

I said i was going to quit a million times too and Gizzy is right.......nothing changes if nothing changes.  Look at all the things you want to do.  If you keep drinking it wont happen.  Dont you dare take any pills........It will be the death of you.  Get to AA and get yourself a good sponsor and tell him/her what you are doing.  You are stealing from your mom now and that isnt a good thing at all.  It is part of your addiction and it will get worse.  Im not trying to sound like an a$$ or uncaring here at all.  It is time for you to step up to the plate and come out fighting for your life.  You can do this David.......its right there in front of you.  You have the key that will unlock those chains that are holding you down..........We are here to help you but you have to want to help yourself.  I hope we have a post tonight about you telling us you have a sponsor......You have so much to look forward too.............sara

[gizzy32]

David do you know how many times I said I was gonna quit and truly believed myself? Every single day I told myself that for 5 years, but nothing changes if nothing changes. I have been following and responding to your posts and I feel bad cause I know your struggling, but until your ready to do something about this, it's not gonna happen. I know I said come on and post, it's fantastic you are now, but your gonna need more. Your stealing from your Mother to support your addiction and slowly killing yourself. I have been very kind and supportive with you, I am truly cheering you on along with other people here are too, but it's time you step up to the plate now and stop making excuses. You are powerless just as I am so get some help. Alcohol will leave you sick and early death and your unhappiness will continue. How bad do you want this man? I am going to pm you my phone #, not that you will ever call, but I would like to talk to you if willing. I am not much older than you. It's time to get on the right path david. Check your messages in your inbox:)

[davidr714]

whats worse is i stole form my mom my mom whoes almost a saint i have put her though so much my parents are struglling finically and i stole form them. im a thief. i think i might need to check my self into a rehab or something. i guess i just being realisitc i keep saying im done and mean it and then im drinking again. i want change i need to change but i feel so broken i dont know what to do. every day i worry about that i some terrible deises i worry when i cough that i have lung cancer. the fear make me want to nubm the pain. ive even thought about taking some pills in house to get high, i ve never done that but those thoughts haunt me so. i am smart cabable i have compled 100 college credits drop out becuase of deppresion and drinking.
i have so much to lookforard to i want to write novel, and help others. i have a passion for music. the point is i im lost and dont know what to change what to do. every thing i do leads back to drinking is aa the way for i dont know i think at times that it works because they belive it will or something. the human mind is increadable any i dont know i dont know any thing. sorry for rabling i feel like heal.
david r

[davidr714]

thanks for the support i did drink 8 beers but i did dump out the rest i am so done drinking i am going to aa tomrow and ask for a sponsor and i am going to keep asking untill i get one i cant keep doing this i am going get better i will never drink again i might look into  iop or something i dont know. but i am done drinking i never want to do it again it isnt fun it is rotten.
david R

[dominosarah]

It is a very good feeling when we dump or flush our alcohol or pills.  I am really happy to hear you havent drank any.  All it will do is make you feel worse and sick.  It is not worth it.  

[Jacqui805]

Okay David, sorry about the age thing...I guess I assumed b/c of you gettin' the money from your Mom's purse.  Have you spoken about your problem with your psych?  

[davidr714]

im 28 i have a pyschistrist not a regular doctor though. anyway i only have insurance for hospitalzation so i cant really go to treatment of any sort i been twice in last 13 months
david r

[Jacqui805]

David,

You sound very young....I am guessing you can't talk to your Mom or a doctor about your problem?  ...or at least you feel like you can't?  Well, first things first.  You mention that your cravings are worse at night....at night, isolation and solitude are one, and there seems to be less things going on to distract us....you agree?  I would try gettin' your butt here if you can't go see a friend or go to the gym or something like that.  If you come here, EVERYBODY will understand exactly what you are going through.  We serve as support, and understand, but also that much needed distraction from your cravings and temptation.  

You are not a bad person.  You are a good person, struggling with a bad disease.  You are NOT your disease David.  You need help and we are here to help you get it.  Sara is right, that talking about things tends to help...it has been that way for alot of us here.  I understand what you're saying about your meetings.  It is no fun to feel like a constant failure, even though, no one is calling you one....it doesn't matter, it is how you feel.  It sounds that your meetings are not either enough for you, or even the right venue for you.  Try talking about things here for a while, and then maybe your world will open up a bit and you may even get to the point where you will feel confident enough to talk to your Mom or another loved one or doctor about this.....until then, please hang in there David...Just because you are not where you want to be right now, does not mean you'll never get there.....wherever you want to go in life, there is a road that takes you there.

[davidr714]

i need to dump the beer i bought i m sorry to say i did buy but i really dont want to drink but i cant bring my  self to dump it havent drank any yet.
david r

[dominosarah]

David.....We dont hate you.....we care very much about you.  You need to take it one day at a time....dont worry about tomorrow night or the night after.  Today i had a really big craving and guess what......I came on here and posted and then i did something about it.  I got busy, i walked to the end of the block and came back, i cranked up the music and talked and talked to people on here.  Tonight I am feeling soooooo much better.  You did the right thing by coming on here.  Now keep talking to us okay??

[davidr714]

i caved and went and bought beer stupid david i havent drank it yet but why did i do it.
i guess because i thought it was a inevablity. something has to change but i cant seem to get out of the cycle im in.
david r i hate my self

[melanaj372]

everyone of us has cravings. the important thing is not to act on it. And you did the best thing was to post this. I know it can be hard to open up in front of people especailly when you don't know them. thats why I like it here. No one can see me... next time it hits you try and do something to get your mind off of it. Or do like you did and come here. There are people here to help you and talk you thur it..  It will get better..

[cathy5841]

good fpr ypu david..you posted again.  please have faith in yourself.  i have faith you will not drink but will keep posting.  you can do this one night at at time.  you dont have to drink tonite.