Coping with an addicted partner...

[Lostnfound17]

First off, I am posting more for support as I am learning about addiction. I've been in a 3 year relationship with an addict, he has been addicted to opiates and has struggled on and off for years.

When I first met him it was unlike any relationship I've ever had, he was nurturing, sweet, considerate, and genuinely caring for my son and I.  He stopped taking pills immediately when he told me about his past, and I watched him detox. For a solid 8 months we had a pretty wonderful relationship. Then, due to unforeseen circumstances he moved away for a few months to take a better job and we did the long distance romance. He returned a few months later as someone I no longer recognized. He became agitated easily, he became the type to want to go for "rides", he ignored my calls/texts, and wanted to spend more time away from me with his friends than with us. I stayed in it because I loved him and wanted to fight for the solid foundation we built.

Now, we are almost 3 years in, he's been using on and off for a while now and I don't know how to help him see that there is more to life. I have never partied, been drunk, or anything. I am on the straight and narrow but I'm in love with this man who is my other half. How do you cope with an addict in a relationship? I've been lied to, I've been walked out on, I've been let down, promises broken day in and day out... How do you cope? When will he hit bottom? When will he want help?

[jifmoc]

Lost, these posts always make me sad, and we get them a lot. The poster always starts w/ how wonderful the addict was at first. Then things change.

Here's the deal: this guy has zero reason to change if everything in his environment stays comfortable. Make sure ALL of you and your son's money is inaccessible to him. I strongly suggest you get to Alanon. It's for the loved ones of addicts/alcoholics. You cannot get him clean. He will hit bottom when and if he can't take it anymore.   Don't enable him either.  His words are meaningless. Don't believe any more words, only actions.

Alanon will help you make sense of your life and what to do. A decision may not be obvious right now, but it will be if you go to meetings.

Also, it doesn't serve you to remember how great he can be. He isn't great now, and that's your reality. Please stay in the reality of your situation, not the "potential." Good luck.

[BearsFan1966]

Welcome! First off there is nothing you can do to make him stop. Only he can stop himself. I myself was on a 10 roller coaster and the ups and downs can drive you crazy. It did not matter what anyone said to me, I told myself I did not have a problem! But I did, when I finally realized it it was the best decision I ever made to stop. But only the addict can stop themselves.
What is rock bottom? Everyone has their own rock bottom, and until we hit it we have no idea what we are doing to the people we love.

You can either ride it out or get out now! There is no telling when or if he will ever hit rock bottom, so you need to look out for yourself and your son first and foremost! Maybe you leaving will be his rock bottom. Talk to him and tell him how you feel and what you plan on doing for you and your son! I wish you the best of luck and we are here when you need to talk!