My man relapsed, sorry I havent been here

[Lisa034]

To all that know my story,  I am sorry I have not been around lately.  I have been spending all my energy on my man (tony)  He went to the doctor and got a script of 80  10mg percs.  I knew he was doing it, I told him not to but what do I say    I can only lead him to the water I can not make him drink!!!!!!  He said he was gonna sell them because we are having money problems    I told him "Great so get someone else addicted to these devil pills"   Then I told him that it was gonna be to hard to have a full bottle of pills.  Also maybe go to jail.   It soooooo goes against everything I am trying to do in my recovery!!!!!!!!!!!!!  He is on day 5 of full blown withdrawls again.  I am trying to support him because god knows I have relapsed more then a million times. He has never left me over it and has always stood by me always.  But it is different know, for me anyways, I am ready now and I was not then.  What do I do   I am sooooo mad because the plan was to get him over the withdrawl  (over six weeks ago) and then he was gonna help me.  I am at 10mgs of methadone (was at 110mgs) and I am going to 5mgs on Monday three days on that and then I am walking off.  I know he is not gonna be able to be there for me like I was for him.  You know I wanted to be able to lay in bed for about a week with no worries about the kids, house ect.  Not now its not gonna happen.  I am trying to support him but at what risk "My sobriety"  I dont think so.  I love him and do not want to throw away 10yrs but I am fighting for my life.  He told me I am being selfish because I work and I am also going to NA everyday.  I guess I am selfish because I am not here taking care of him.  I told him "You think I am selfish now and when I was using?"  " If you think that is selfish wait until you see my recovery"  I mean it I am gonna do this    I will throw away ten yrs if I have to.   Well anyways I love you all and I will be around   I just wanted to let you now what is going on.
Lots of love
Lisa
Jacksonville,FL

[Holliee]

hry honey i agree w/rest them. I also think that you should maybe stay at 10 or 5mg a little longer to get all this mess straighten out you will need to be able to lay in bed for few days when you get to zero. Was it hard knowing that he was using and have them in house are you ok. If there is anything I can do let me know no matter what time it is or you just need vent message me any time. You have always helped me out and looked after me. Stay strong and God Bless. PM IF you want ket me know how you are.
Love ya
~~H~~

[rafe44]

Your recovery is yours and his is his. And your right ,you are in a life and death stuggle,that wants you dead. So you better be selfish! You sound ready and you can do it!  Hell tapering that good off methadone is harder than the next week are so might be.My prays go ur way.

[Lisa034]

Thanks for all your comments and support it really means a lot to me..  I love all of yall... I just got home from work but I did want to say thank you.   I will be back on later I have to get ready to go to a meeting (NA)

I am ok   I promise

Lots of love
Lisa034
Jacksonville,FL

[kiylen]

Lisa, I have to agree with gnarly.  You may have to take a little break and slow down to keep yourself stable to get through this mess.  You are one of the best friends I have on here and I wish I could do so much more for you right now.  It seems we get tested and tempted when we think we've got things under control.  As far as your relationship, if Tony really loved and cared about your sobriety, why would he even try to sabotage it?  What happened to the pills, sorry I may have missed that part?  Plus, if he's worried about money, you're coming off the methadone, there's the money!!  The good thing is Lisa, you willl have a tolerance to those pills even if they are in the house.  You could take ten of them and after taking methadone, trust me, it won't phase you.  I know you won't do that because you and gnarly are the most dedicated people I have ever seen.  I know you guys aren't where I am as far as faith, but get down on your knees and pour your heart out.  Your answers will come in the actions that happen around you and from your insticts which I call God talking to you.  Your life is in your hands.  But losing this relationship can also set you up for something you may not realize could set you back too.  Honey, I wish I had the answers.  I love you like a sister and please message me when you have time.  I'm worried about you.  Take it slow until this passes...please.

[gnarly_1]

hey girleee......wow your plate is full...and with a bunch of stuff to make things hard on you....well first off, im confident your resolve to get clean will get you threw it second
CUDOS to your taper....you have been flying off the stuff...im absolutely amassed
again dont let me throw a wrench in what your doing....but  form 10mg to 5 is
rely exstream....the last 10mg are the hardest on you both physically and mentaly
if I were you id do it in bumps ...mabe go to 7 then to 5 your under tremendous
stress right now, im not so shure I would want to make it worst at this time
and the last 10mg where difficult for me particularly below 7mg so ez does it
I know your anxious to get off but just take your time now..PLEASE trust me
on this one Lisa you have come so far ...a little longer wont hurt...I think you
did this even faster then you thought would be possible so rest on your success
in my eyes you have one the war...don't let the last battle beet you up....it doesn't have to ...hang in there a little longer you will beat this thing and you wil be free
I will pray for you and your family and dont you forget god can move a mountian
he might have to for you....your friend...Gnarly        

[Astray]

Sorry to hear this Lisa. Its so hard living with another user when you are trying to stay clean yourself. I think the "you are selfish to work" is a particulary unhelpful comment to get - I mean is it selfish to earn money to pay the bills? Doesn't sound like you are awash with cash from his crazy pill selling plan after all ...

If he came out with all this stuff right now it could be his WD talking, we all know how negative, bitter, etc that makes us feel. Please don't relapse yourself, I don't believe you will as I've read your comments here for some while and I get the impression of a strong person but still, please take care of yourself.

If this extra pressure right now would make the final jump off too hard to handle you could maybe stay on the same dose a bit longer, obviously thats not what you want but thats not a step back or a relapse, just a frustrating delay.

Whatever you decide to do good luck and don't be dragged down too.

[febninthgirl]

I'm so sorry girl. I'm here for you.  Ill keep calling till you answer. Love girl. Just stay strong

[Florida_Guy737]

Yes....that sounds very difficult but you are committed; good luck to you.