Almost day 4

[this_big]

I've been posting since day two but my acct was banned yesterday.I guess Medhelp frowns on mutiple accts..oops.When i came back i couldnt for the life of me remember my password.So i just started a new acct.(i didnt read the terms and cond...Who does??)MedHelp was very helpful in getting me back on this acct.Thank you

Anyhow im gonna kinda recap what i've been going through and what i've been doing. because this my forth time going through w/ds cold turkey has been by far the easiest(not easy just WAY better than past attempts)For starters last year was taking 8-12 hydros a day 4days ago was up to 15-20+.I'll try to make it somewhat short.

12 hrs: Absolutly miserable.No real bad physical stuff just horrible axiety.But going though this last year knew what to expect.With no money or insurance. I ended up checking myself into a (free) detox center in hopes they could give me something to ease the process.They gave me buophrine(sp)? some sort of muscle relaxant.That did nothing.After about 7 hrs i checked myself out.This place turned out to be a city run drunk tank.Staff was horible,But the main reason being they only allowed smoke breaks every 5 hours.I smoke 2 packs a day solid...yeah. I figured if i was going to be uncomfortable i'd rather be at home.Slept fairly well that night..not too bad

24hrs: OMG anxiety through the roof ALL the physicals.I'm not gonna lie i considered suicide.Bad bad shape.My fiance talked me into going to the ER to see if they could do anything.(avoided this in the passed because at one point or another i've worked them all for pills and have thousands in unpaid bills).Average bill $1200 for if I was lucky 15-20 pills...sickening.Mind you I have no insurance.Anyway I get checked in and the DR was a complete A$$,he said i was wasting his time, and if i was there to get high that,that wasnt gonna happen. After explaining everything he calmed down and ordered a colonodine(sp) and injection of lorazapam(sp) along w/an IV of saline.felt WAY better within 20 min.He RX the colonodine1mg(bp med)and xanax.25mg.That night anxiety and physical w/d mild to moderate(very doable).No sleep.

Day 2: Very tired Physicals getting worse but Mental(my hardest part) very light.Started Thomas Recipe about miday( havn't tried in pass,figured couldnt hurt)Much of the same through the evening. I was able to do some laps in the pool followed by a HOT shower.Felt pretty damn good up until I tried to lay down.Tossed and turn for about an hour.  So i took another xanax and in a half hour thought I was going to die ,anxiety,rls couldn't keep my eyes open,but couldn't sleep.After about three hrs finally got about 4 hrs of sleep.

I not going to go into so much detail from day 2 till now.Other than the night of day two since the trip To the ER,i have felt pretty damn good...most mental stuff mild including cravings.I swam twice yesterday.When my fiance got home yesterday we went downtown to the riverwalk and walked about a mile and half.I think the combo of everything i'm doing.Exercise,the RXs,Thomas recipe,and a "REAL" want to quit this time has made this not easy but MUCH MUCH easier.I'm really trying to keep a positive additude, if somthing negative comes up i immediatly change what i'm doing.OH YEAH..Im going to a meeting tonight.My friend hooked me up with a guy,and hes pickin me up at 7 its an AA meeting ,but my friend says theres alot of  addicts there.I have so much determination this time.I really feel like im gonna do this.The thing that bothers me the most is this overwhelming feeling of guilt and shame,for what I've done these past few months.But i guess it to will pass w/time.Day 3 goin on 4 and i really cant complain.It could be and have been WAY worse.Good luck and best wishes to everyone.I've made to day 11 last year it gets SO much better keep pushin. and I'll post tonight after the meeting(my first time very nervous.)almost day 4 WOO HOO

[dominosarah]

Oh i am so happy for you!!!  Let us know how you are doing!!

[vicki595]

..".I've never wanted a sober life so bad."..    Perfect!!!

I'm happy it went well for you ~

Keep in touch~
Vicki

[this_big]

Well just got back from my first meeting it was AA...I gotta tell you,I feel so good right now. The guy that took me made some calls and found one that had alot of alcoholic/drug addicts. It went real well i met some good people.I 've never wanted a sober life so bad.

It made me realize the problem i have isn't just the pills.Its an addiction to hide behind something.Since I was 15 its always been something.Weed,cocaine,X, alcohol,and most recently those damn pills.I've been a heavy drinker since i was 17-18.Its been a year since i've had a drink, not by choice,but because I got so sick. I think it was just my body rejecting all the chemicals. All I have done is trade alcohol for pills.

All's good tonight...a little sore,but my head is in a good place.Im going back tomorrow
I hope everyone is makin it through the evening and will have an even better night.

              

[dominosarah]

Am glad you got things worked out!!  Congrats on 4 days!!!  Let us know how the meeting went tonight.  Feeling nervous the first time is very common but it will be okay.  I remember walking in to my 1st meeting.  I thought i was going to throw up as i was so nervous.  Didnt think anyone would understand.....how wrong i was.         sara

[vicki595]

Hey~  First,forgive yourself. I think that's really important.   Your head is in a much better place now and this time you'll make it!!    

Going to that AA meeting is what's going to put you over the top !!   Care after stopping our DOC is what keeps us clean.  It just rolls that way. We begin to focus so much on
being well and being in the moment that the thought of pills just gets pushed way back.

Don't be nervous about tonight. Just listen and take what you need !!

Good luck!!
Vicki