This is hard

[Ladykonnie]

Have anyone of you ever wondered what we are trying to medicate? The pain from our past? The pain from our present, and the fear of our future?  I'm at the end of my rope here. I have to quit pain meds. I just don't know how. If I don't take them for a day I feel awful, I never can get past 3 days. I am coming here for support.  When I read stories about all of you, and your battles, it makes me feel a great comfort that I am not alone.  Please keep sharing them. I'm going to try again tomorrow. If you are wondering what I'm taking is opiates. I am now getting stomach pains so I know is time to clean my system for good. Yes I have been to the doctor and my lab work came back fine. But this pain is coming from my liver area and I am scared. I do not take anything with Tylenol anymore. I do not have jaundice or any other symptom of liver damage except for the right side pain and discomfort.  Well I know I must quit. Please pray for me!!! Also you all know how hard it is to do everyday activities w/out opiates. The "fake" happiness, is what we all search. I am rambling. My story is no different then any other. We take drugs to feel that "fake high" and most of us take them to just be in that "normal" stage.  Well I am done. I just don't know if I should tapper off or just quit cold turkey. Any ideas on tapering off? Has anyone reading this ever tapered off?

[CAP56]

Awesome! Your husband will be your hero :p You'll kick this.

[Ladykonnie]

Yes, I have my husband in the afternoons. We both talked and decided together that I will taper off . Thank you all for your responses. It is good to know I'm not alone. I will come and let you all know how the tapering off is working for me. I will give it one week to work myself to zero by next Monday.  If it does not work, I will stop CT.   Thank you got your prayers.

[CAP56]

My first question is; do you have anyone who can physically be there for you just for a few days (fri, sat, sun). Anyway I ask because I took my last pills on Thursday (8 norco 7.5) around noon. Fri morning I was in panic mode because there was no more. I'll save you most of the BS but im on day 4 without any after taking them for 3 years. I feel pretty good compared to day 1 and 2. Day 1 was terrible (I don't wish it upon anyone): I listened to my favorite praise and worship music, Flyleaf, War of Ages and Jeremy Camp on shuffle all Damn day (Google the band's you might snicker at my gospel remark). Honestly that was all I needed. I cried and cried and pitied myself. I took ib prophen, and because I've been through this before I had imodium for my stomach and Tylenol PM at night. I eventually feel asleep around 2am. Day 2 is when you really need a buddy!!! My wife brought me water,  smokes, whatever I needed, pretzels ect. By 4pm I had it and went to the ER with a "migraine". I almost screwed up and got medication but after getting an IV for a couple hours along with a non narcotic mixture of benadryl, magnesium and anti nasious medicine with saline solution I felt better. Got out of there as fast as possible. Anyway I got threw day 2. Day 3 was freaking awesome!!!! I went for a walk, ate some real food. The whole family went to get ice cream. I think being dehydrated intensified the withdrawal symptoms. Day 4 now and I got out and up and around its spring break so all three kids are home. But im sluggish so im thinking more water and vitamins. No ib prophen today at all. The difference from day 1 to day 3 was remarkable.

I've tried tapering down dozens of times with the help of my wife and I failed every single time. This is the longest I've been off pills on purpose in over three years. And that is what gets me up and out of bed and atleast try to have a productive day.

Good luck

[ywf27]

I can only echo msdelights statement "A problem shared is a problem halved, The people here saved my life". Great post ms. Lady your in the right place. And in being here will find strength you didn't know you had. Best of luck to you. Its a choice we need to make within inside ourselves!!! You've got this. If you want it badly enough...you can have it and we are all here to help.

[msdelight]

I always knew why I was self medicating. A had some traumatic experiences all at once.  The pills were available and off I went smiling and ignoring the issues that so desperately required my attention.  It was so much easier to escape rather than deal. So during my 5 year escape while I pretended everything was ok things just got worse. I became someone I no longer recognized. Going through the motions of life, but not really living it. Focus solely on how to get the next fix. Like you, I realized it had to stop. I jumped off 80 to 100 mg of percocet c/t over 6 months ago. Tapering was not possible for me. If I had pills, I took them period.  I was completely alone as no one knew about me. Thank God I found MH!   A problem shared is a problem halved.  The people here saved my life.
Well I found out that problems do not go away because you've got your head in the sand. I came to realize that things weren't quite as bad as I told myself they were. It was just a way to justify taking the next 40 pills. I've learned that I don't need a fix to be that happy caring person I thought the drugs made me. It was really here inside me all along!
I hope you choose you. The first couple of weeks is hard but not impossible. I never ever thought I could live without the demon pills.  I found out that was just me giving up and choosing death. Life is great now! You can do this!  Please keep us posted, and stay here posting whether you are using or not. No one will judge you, guidance only. Wishing you peace and a new life!

[nonights]

I thought I knew what to do and did a very aggressive taper only to suffer mentally and phycially and since I was in w/d any way just stopped. This was best decision of my life. There was so much that I had not dealt with in my past because I was numb. Now I feel. The good the bad. But I'm back in the world and life. When I don't use I have a life free of pills. You can do this either way just do it.

[weaver71]

In the acute detox I wanted to escape so bad. I meditated a lot on why I took so many so long. I think I was medicating all of me, present past and future me. My heart, mind, body and spirit. Fact is, they did feel good at first, but they stopped doing what they promised. Then I realized I wasn't actually giving anything up, I was miserable on pills. Then I constantly said to myself, "There is no problem So huge they drugs can't make it worse. I have spent the last almost 2 yrs finding other ways to deal with things. I had to stop the false belief that drugs did anything good for me, then I had to find some things that actually are good for me. Changing that pattern if thought is not easy, but likely the most rewarding effort I have ever put forth. Hang in there and stay close to us. You will be amazed and not regret the worst if it.

[Ladykonnie]

Thank you SO much for sharing your story. You make SO much sense. Courage.... I will get some. Something has to change because I am SO unhappy. I will keep you posted on my progress.   Honestly, thank you.  I beat meth before, and now look at me. :/  I have not touched meth in over 10 some years and now this. Yes I have an addiction problem.

@jugglin- I have everything I need for the Thomas recipe. Thank you for your response.  

[jugglin]

What a great post u received from onthefence.  
I abused opiates as well for a variety of reasons. I started with legit pain issues and as the story goes, became addicted.  I used to numb...to get thru each day...to deal with kids, work, etc. In essence, to deal with real normal day to day life.
The good news is that if you are sick and tired of being sick and tired you can stop the roller coaster.  You did not mention how much you are taking.  If it is large amounts and you can taper, you may be able to do so.  I was never able to taper because if I had them, I would take them. Period. Quitting cold turkey was my only option. The Thomas Recipe at the bottom of the page will provide you items to help get you through the physical withdraws. Then, as the previous post states, an aftercare program can help you actually deal with your addiction,  NA/AA,  counselor or church group. It is not just getting thru the physical WD's, but learning the tools to cope with the addict brain.
Best of luck to you and keep posting.  We are here to support you and listen when you just need to vent!

[onthefence]

hi, the last time i took an opiate was march of 2012, i Never thought i would live without opiates! but my stomach had begun to hurt so bad every morning , but also i was not living anymore , just existing, hardly ever leaving my bedroom, and everything was coming to an end , i knew we were going to be homeless eventually, as unemployment would not last for ever, i did not want to live on the street and live btween prescriptions , and heroin when out of pills, so what happened was when my pain doctor (we were so low income at time we had state insurance , paid for everything, probably didnt do us much good)tried to give me even more pain meds for stomach issue , i went to another doctor because i was scared something was wrong, and knew the addiction was unsustainable.The other doctor was anti long term opiate , and said my problem was the opiates hurting my stomach in connection with not moving around, taking huge amounts and laying around all day and night depressed at self induced situation., he said quitting opiates takes courage, so get some.I did and burned prescriptions and suffered like everyone withdrawals, also had to have some medical procedures , at about day 20 but refused opiates and they gave me propafol instead , dealing with medical issues sucked, but my desire was to stop.I was blessed and all that was wrong with stomach was fixed and our real journey began.
we had nothing accept our truck, and were lost so to speak, started drinking alot , traveled to new area where there is massive work because of oil boom and started really living (or so i thought)workin 7 days a week , got kamper/truck ,  but also hittin the bars every night ,thought everything was fine because we had "beatin" opiates, well chose to drink and drive, recieved felony dui, and got 13 month doc sentence, but was ok'd to go to intence inpatient treatment, went in july realesd january and learned so much about what your talkin about, the real reasons we choose to cover and manipulate our feelings with drugs and alcohol. addiction is such a cycle, that gives us low self worth and then we use because of that, only to create more of it, we must learn acceptance , empathy for others and know we are NOT unique , no matter how horrible our past was, , we need healthy boundaries to keep our disease in check, and balance in our life's.We only control what is in our skin, and having unrealistic expectations of ourselves or others never works out, one thing i really work on everyday is losing self defeating Pride, and trying to gain humility, i think it is hard for people with the disease of addiction because we are use to getting our way and our feelings get hurt way to easy, over little things, which brings me to power and control, not good, accepting is better.
I found that alcohol, opiates , meth, cocaine, any drugs is all the same it all  is addiction to me doesn't matter what i use, it leads to the same cycle. but there is a better cycle, when i start really living the word i spoke of above along with positive self talk, and a good attitude, i gain self worth and feel better than i ever did on drugs, now i have bad days too but i work through them with the tools i have learned , i go to recovery meetings and use this forum alot, i am young in sobriety, and i think the most important thing i have laerned so far is sobriety isn't abstaining from substances its a way of thinking , and we are what we think about, and remember progress not perfection!