i have to do it right this time.

[Ams1265]

hi everyone my name is paul. i was on this forum for about a month starting around feb 14. I made several posts in a time when i saw myself go 33 days c/t off 200mg a day oxy habit. after the first couple of weeks i really felt my life starting to slowly come back to me. i was so motivated to stay off of them and for weeks didnt care if i ever took another pill again. but something happened around day 30 or so. i didnt seem to have the drive to want to stay off of them and i began to stop caring about how man days i had gone. needless to say, on day 34 i caved and asked for some pills from a guy i have trade class with. i have been taking them steady for a month and am right back to where i started.  the thing is though. i began drinking more when i was off the pills and feeling like i had to substitute  for them. i never really seeked after care and i always feel like i need a substnce in my life. i know i need to start a path of finding myself, im just scared i always thought i could do this all on my own. i guess i was wrong. im on day one today.

[GMcp]

alot of us slip up, the thing is we can do it again, its hard but dont beat yourself up good for you for coming back and trying again, maybe extend your rehab by going to n.a this time? idk, thats what my ex keeps telling me lol i should take his advise and maybe u need to too ?? :) you can get through this

[sudie58]

good luck for your meeting, you are young and have your whole life in front of you, the meetings etc will be your salvation, god bless.

[Ams1265]

thanks everyone for your support. I guess I have really learned from my previous relapse. I know I have to do it differently this time and they means support groups, counseling, theropy. Since I quit drinking and pills at the same time, things have of course been harder, but I just don't have a choice. I always substitute one for the other. Going to go to an AA meeting tonight and see how it goes. NA on wed and try for therapy on Thursday. Really scared about everything I'm going through. I'm a 26 year old alcoholic and drug addict. I don't know why or how this happened but I need to find out. On day 2 today. COMPLETLY sober.

[bigsissie]

Sudie58 is right don't beat yourself up think of it as a learning experience. If you need the help of a aftercare go. Do what ever it takes to help yourself stay clean. You are worth it, addiction has a way of eating away your life until nothing else matters but the next peak. If you need someone to talk to just add me as a friend, I'm not saying I will help or can help just that I am here if you need someone to listen to you. I have also found that keeping a journal on here keeps me focused and reminds me of what I need to do. Just remember  the hardest part is admitting you have a problem the worst part is admitting when you screw up. You have already done both of those! Best of luck to you.

[sudie58]

hi, its good you came back, dont beat yourself up, at least you know now thar aftercare is important, sometimes we think weve changed enough, but we havent, its also very easy to get cross addicted, such as drinking more, ive always thought we learn a lot through relapse somehow, so i wish you well on your journey again, best wishes.