Methadone detox the battle of attrition day 19

[AZ_Cards]

Wow this is incredibly hard 19 days into this journey. I have been off 2.5 year methadone maintenance for 19 days now.  I basically tapered down the last 1.5 years and was as high as 116mgs. Towards the end I jumped at 4mg with a quick taper 3,2,1,1 for the last 4 days before completely off. I am just surprised even though everything I read on these forums told me otherwise at the length of this hell. While the symptoms were not as severe as I expected like heroin or anything they are just long and steady. They have been terrible don’t get me wrong severe stomach upset and back ache, but what is killing me is this dull headache and it’s just contestant pain and ache in my head has me wanting to beat my head against the wall. Also the sleep disturbance with insanely disturbing and crazy dreams is hell to take. I mean its day 19 and I can’t say I feel any better really thought I did a few times, but in reality this is just a battle of attrition on how much pain I can take. I understand my brain chemistry is shot from having that poison give me a false sense of pleasure, but did not realize it was this out of whack. I am taking the whole Thomas recipe and amino acid replenishing regime. Not taking the benzos that I have every night or that frequent I know the dangers of benzo addiction, and it seems my sleep is just as disturbed using melatonin or xanax. I have slipped a few times and taken some 5mg oxycodone which I know is not good, but just could not take it and needed some relief  of my headache. This only happened twice and did not become a regular thing. So hopefully did not set me back to far. Also took some Kratom to get through a work project. I take Ibuprophen 600mg 4x a day and substitute aspirin in between to help with the pain. Really it’s the headache; backache has gone away so I guess I am seeing signs of improvement. This is just depressing the constant feeling like ****. It is also hard to maintain at work. This is mainly due to the lack of energy that has also plagued me since quitting. It is so hard to get the simplest things done, and it does not seem to be getting better. I have been exercising which to be honest does not seem to help even though I know it does. Anyone that been through this know when I can expect to see tangible progress? It is just hard to wake up every day feeling so sick. I guess at least I can function but I am slipping at work, since it is too hard to maintain my normal work ethic or production. I think I am doing everything possible to ease this but it is hard. I am also having real issues with my girlfriend she is so straight, never done anything in her life smoke or drank so especially no drugs. She does not understand this and is really no supportive because she says I go myself into this mess. This is true but it just like added stress and arguing when I am so low already it just adds to the misery. So writing this for some support I guess since I just am really depressed and sick of feeling like ****. I just don’t know if I can keep my life together going through this, I mean really I don’t want to be a slave to the drug but at least I was functioning. But guess that is all fake since the methadone was giving me the false ok.

[mellie4]

Sorry you're having such a hard time but it will be so worth it.  And sorry your GF couldn't find it in her to be supportive.  I was a huge support with my ex when he went to 12 detoxes during our marriage.  Unfortunately, it didn't take with him, and I left due to his cheating.

I was going to mention the Excedrin Migraine as well as it really helps so many, but if it makes other symptoms worse, then it may not be worth it.  Or maybe you could try it for when you're at work but not at bedtime.  Having a constant dull headache is awful.  I get it as a side effect of one of my medications.

I will mention, because I learned the hard way, with all the ibuprofen you're taking, you may want to take OTC Prilosec to protect your stomach.  I thought it didn't bother my stomach at all and a nurse friend told me I was playing with fire.  She was right.  It happened very suddenly and I became very ill.  I still take it, with the Prilosec, but at a much, much lower dose and not as often as I did.

Hope you're feeling better soon!  My mother's favorite saying used to be, "There are better days coming!"  I'm waiting.

[Methsuxbad]

Hang in there you are doing great. I felt just as bad at day 19 keep on pushing...you can do this. Yesterday was 50 days for me and I feel soooo much better. Energy is much better and sleep has returned.  The crazy dreams are scarce and I sleep through the nite.  Have to tell you the first month I had the same thoughts...maybe its not worth it...at least I was functioning on the done....BUT IT IS WORTH IT... I thought I was doing ok on the methadone and that life was ok...but in hinesite that was a lie...life revolved around the clinic and its cost, that was my first priority, not to mention that I was numb most of the time, no sex drive, i could go on and on...im sure right now being chained to the clinic sounds better than feeling like you do but it wont be long and you'll be so proud you didnt give in trust me, just give it a little more time.  Id try to stay away from the opiates they'll just set your recovery back, but all in all you sound good...it really is mentally challenging (thats an understatement) and Its a long process but look how far you've come. Wishing you better days (and nites)

[AZ_Cards]

I have never tried the Goody's Powerder, and will look into it. The migrane type OTC medications usually have caffine in them and in my current state it seems to aggrivate my symptoms. What is funny is I love coffe and caffine really, but through all of this have given it up since like I said seems to only intensify my symptoms. I have dont the hot shower thing and that does work. I will keep doing it. You are correct slippery slope is an understaement lol. I know it will be pointless to just get addicted to short term opiate since the real goal here is to be free of all opiates. I did just use them twice and not days in a row just for some relief. Prob not the smartest idea, but man just so hard. I had like 10 suboxone when I started this but through the advice on these forums and my research seemed like a bad idea to use them briefly to alleviat sysmptoms, or get some time away from methadone while on them. That **** as longer half life then methadone and is a synthetic opiate also. I guess my theory is use of short acting opiate not on a frequent basis should not set me back, except in the phycological part of it. I dont plan on using them again or anyting but just being honest. The Kratom worked to alleviate wd symptoms does not get you high or anythign which is good did not want to get high or a buzz just wanted some relief for a period to get some things done since the lack of energy is crazy along with the discomfort. They to activiate the receptors same as opiates but not in the same manner so again my theory was it should not set me back execpt in the way I think. I need to stop thinking I need relief by using this or that, and just deal with this hell. It is just hard, so very hard especially tyring to be functional at work. I have not taken anytime off. If I could just be sick and miserable in my house maybe not so bad, but real hard tyring to be the same at work or in life right now. So long story short Kratom could be used to alleviate sympotms but can be addicting also. I have not taken it consistently and will not same as short term opiates just used it for relief at one point. I still have some and may use it again but never long term or anything.

[Hollaatme]

Hang in there brother ur fighting a great battle...u WILL look back on this one day and thank God or urself or whoever u want to thank that u did this! Good for u! Stay away from the opiates tho man cuz saying its a slippery slope is the understatement of the millennium. H
Curious how the kratom worked? Again slippery slope but I have considered it to be honest for when I finally get off the liquid(or in my case pill) handcuffs of methadone

[LeaAnn807]

Have you ever tried Excedrin Migraine or Goody's Powder for your headache?  They work wonders for mine.  Also, stand in a hot shower with water on your head as long as you can.  Neck massage is great too.  I know what it feels like to have the gnawing headache, but it will go away at some point.  Just try to hang in there!

[AZ_Cards]

Girlfriend broke up with me and honestly that might be best. It was so much more added stress and did not feel like support. I understand her posiiton that she did not have the issue and sign up for this, so I do get it. Its just strange that my life was going great while on the methadone so it semeed at least. I was happy and going thorugh life fine, but I know in reality I was trapped by the liquid handcuffs and was not really free. I just keep telling my self it will get better, and the end product will be the greatest freedom ever. Just not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel right now.