just how i feel today

[Undertow71]

I awoke in sweats this morning crying.It has been almost 10 years from cocaine and every now and again i get these dreams of useing,no other drug has ever done this to me.It is just a horrible feeling and way to wake up.I just thank god i got away from that stuff.
  Other than that,yah ,i am in a lot of pain today from my collar bone.As usual.
  I have gone some days without having any withdrawls.And the naproxen and supplements are helping.But i just can't take it easy,feeling good i find myself doing things and endeing up hurting more than i have to.
   SO it is what it is,i rebroke it yesterday.it felt better afterwards for the rest of the day.But i awoke last night from the pain and dreams form the past.
  I am having some rebound depression tho And feel emotional.but nothing compared to the depression i used to have years aggo.
  Have a happy day everyone and stay strong.  :)

[metadontkillme]

Man do I ever remember the coke dreams, still happens from time to time. I overdosed when I was 19, haven't touched it since then. When a good two year run, I remember it happening a lot, the dreams. I would wake up and be mad as hell, because I realized the rush was all a dream.

[Dane74]

you have it been through it, you sound like a true fighter:-)    Allow that anger to fuel your eagerness to your recovery.  I know all about the pain, try to ice the collar bone, and take it EASY, i know its hard.   Hang in there, it will get better.  Sending positive vibes your way.

[buddycrunch]

take this joyride through the spook house on a tilt-a-whirl

[buddycrunch]

Undertow, Was thinking of ya the last 2 days.

I had a rough day yesterday, never felt such sickening fear and panic that ended like a flu.  This is a wonderful ride we are on.   Use as little as you can tolerate until the bones and lung heal, then ...............

[selfinduced]

Oh Dear, You have been trough it for sure. I am so very sorry. Are you taking any meds now? In any case as you know pills will just amplify the problem, not settle you. Have you tried some non narcotic pain meds for relief? You have true pain and that in itself complicates things. Glad your posting.

[Undertow71]

Mostly not being able towork and bring in income.It i stuff on a man not being able to support or help provide for his family.
  It will pass,but this time of year i have to stay on top of it and pay it it's due and move on from it.
  Holidays are tuff.I was 17 when my brother took his life, i looked up to him greatly,and 5 years aggo or so my father died from brain cancer,and my gransparents passed shortly before.
  Just par for the course,I have had a ton of counseling.Things are not near as bad as they used to be.
   Just helps to get it out ya know?
I had some clean time,then broke my collar bone and a hole in my lung,setting me back some.no biggie i will do it again.My anger at this addiction fuels my drive for recovery in a big way.

[selfinduced]

Great suggest. Undertow, I have not followed your post, but wanted to lend you support. Are you w/d from opiates? I too did cocaine to excess, but it was all a mental w/d, nothing physical. What are your emotions steming from?

[abritt121222]

Do you have a psychiatrist or something you go to or can go to and tell them this stuff cause I imagine they could help you out with this a lot. It almost sounds kinda like post traumatic stress from drugs is what you are going thru. I dunno if that happens or not never heard of it but ppl that have PTSD explain it and it sounds a lot like what you just described just the dreams and all that are about different things than what you explained. I dunno just a suggestion like I said I dunno if that's even possible or happens

Good Luck and Godspeed
ABritt