help getting off opiates & how to talk to my doctor

[brighteyes096]

i'm 22 & for the past 2 years i've been using narcotics. i've always had anxiety & at first i just did the drugs for fun. snorting oxys, percs, vicodin, basically anything within *reason* which really isn't within reason at all but i'm not so crazy as to try and OD but i just did it for fun but paying so much for pills that arent prescribed to me is taking over my life and i can't afford it and i want out. but when i do go without i just sit around lazy trying to find something to get my next fix. ive been thinkin about quitting for a while now but its hard & it hurts and my anxiety kicks in tenfold when im not high. im prescraibed zoloft by my doctor and that has started to help with the anxiety. now having tried most drugs the benzos help & i know even tho im not a doctor and your probably just going to think that i'm looking for another outlet but ive tried several benzos & xanax even just one when im panicking really helps. my doctor doesnst know about my habits & i dont want to tell him and him not give me anything but i also feel i shoudl be prescribed xanax for valium then i wouldnt have so much of a problem getting off the opiates. i thought about going to a clinic & doing the methadone or suboxone but thats very expensive & im poor (hmm mostly bc of the drugs...) i would say i'm use is moderate since i could snort 60 mg uncut percocet and be nodding out and happy about it. going on a bing & making that dose higher. or low since i can get by on 2-3 perc tens a day. or more recently ive been going a few days without.. but as soon as im faced with the option of getting them it's hard to say no and already detoxing i want them again to feel good again. i guess i just want some feedback and help. please?

[refills]

Hey there 123. Why don't you try and start a new thread. You landed on an old one. Just go to top and post under new question.

While I'm here I can tell you, that you do have something to live for. Starting with yourself then your children. Addicts tend to damage their relationships to a point where they cannot turn to them when they finally seek help. You need to regain their trust. You do that by getting serious about recovery. You need to make a plan. Coming here is a great start. Please, now is the time to open up, at least to where you are comfortable. There's help here. You've made the first step. Please take it another step. I wish you much luck. Your life depends on it. ike

[nowheretoturn123]

I am at my wits end I am definately addicted to pain pills problem is I am truly in pain.I have stopped and gotten off them a few times to no avail.The pain is so bad I have to start taking them again as I have kids and no family what do I do I am out of my meds right now becuas ei have to take more than im supposed to because they dont work anymore nooone will listen to me they all just act like im the biggest piece of **** there ever was where do I go what do I do I am really to the point i'd rather be dead

[cleaninitup]

You can do it-yes your right admitting it is important and saying it aloud will nail it home also.You are so close to being right there and taking the next step.The second thing you need to do is let every contact you have know you are done.Erase their # delete their texts just completey shut them off. You can do this!!You are stronger then the pills-recreationlly or not they have a bad hold on your life.

[brighteyes096]

like i said i started when it was all fun & games & just a vic 5 at a party. later on it became a cover up for my depression and i was in a bad place in life and hated everyday & being high made it better. im not saying that i just cant afford it. i guess i'm a functioning addict, being that i have a job & home & get all my bills paid. i'm much happier & that's why im starting to think i might be able to get off the pills. i just dont like that my last dollars go to pills. i want to be able to save money & experience life again. the way that others do. go to an amusement park. go to the mall. i never buy clothes because i think i need to save money but then i find a pill and dont think twice before buying it. i realize my priorities are outta line. i'm not a head, slobbering on myself. its recreational. but i'm enough of an addict that i withdrawl & feign when i don't have the drugs. i mean, don't they say admitting it is the first step.. im just trying to make progress, & i know i will be able to do it. it's just have the will to start quitting. i don't think a free supply of pills would make my day. sure it'd get me high & i'd be happy about it, but i'd still be an addict sittin on the couch wasting away not furthering myself the way i want to by getting a real job going to college getting a life together & a family.. essentially growing as a person & being happy with myself without the drugs to make me feel that way.  

[cleaninitup]

I had come clean to my primary doc about what I was doing and she was nothing but supportive and caring.She was very very helpfull and I am so glad i did it.She put me on prozac and xanax and marked my file as no narcotics.It was very freeing knowing the door was shut.She wasnt the one prescribing me the pills,, so cost was not an issue with me since I had a co-pay.so knowing I couldnt get more,by my choice, made it all that more empowering to get off of them.You need to look beyond the $ and see what it is costing you in your everyday life. The real cost of the pills is what it is costing you with your family,friends and work. Best of luck and keep posting. H

[CATUF]

"but paying so much for pills that arent prescribed to me is taking over my life"

When I first found this site in 2002, I thought "the problem" was the expense of my habit.  I mean I was doing FINE, I just couldn't afford to keep going like I was going and I didn't seem able to keep it at reduced amounts or intervals.

In fact, my screen name, CATUF, is an acronym for "Can't Afford to Use Forever."

I honestly believed that if I could somehow come into a free supply of enough pills, that there would be no problem.  But that wasn't going to happen, so I needed to quit because it was just too damn expensive.

I really like my screen name now and what it stands for because it reminds me of how clueless I was back then.  Yes drug addiction is expensive, but the monetary cost of my addiction was absolutely the least of my worries.  Addiction is a deadly disease.  It is a chronic and relentlessly progressive disease.  Unless arrested by recovery, the disease of addiction will destroy the addict's life . . . unarrested, active addiction dead ends in jails, institutions and death.

From March of 2002 when I thought money was the problem, it took me until June of 2005 (and two rehabs) to finall get clean and into sustained recovery.  During that period my habit grew by an amount that I wouldn't have thought possible.  I did destroy myself financially, but that was minor compared to the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual destruction.

I would suggest to you that the cost of using is the least of your problems.  Wake up and pay attention to yourself - you are already over your head and need help that is beyond your capacity.  Ask for help, be willing to accept it and help others.  It's that simple.


CATUF
2210

[MrNewHope]

Be honest with the Dr and tell him the whole story. He/she might provide some helpful meds for withdrawal.   Setup a plan, choose a date on the calendar and run with it. It's absolutely doable and this site will be a useful lifeline as well.

AloneandAddicted??? U are on FIYAHH!!  Keep up the posts of support and fight as well :)

[AloneAndAddicted]

It's all good rant away, I've been doing it for days!  If you have anxiety and need an occ. help with that in the prescribed manner I don't see a problem with that.  If your using opiates for anxiety it's just a coverup.  You don't treat anxiety with opiates.  Keep reading & posting & get honest with yourself.  I had pain sure & a crappy MRI that shows how bad by back & neck are but I made that 1'st appt with the PM Dr for the drugs plain & simple.  And the 2nd appt too.  I also have anxiety/depression & low self esteem and boy they make you feel good don't they.....for awhile.  Then it all get's worse....the anxiety over do I have enough, will I be able to afford my appt/pills this month?  Treat your anxiety with therapy and anxiety meds as ordered and never take more.  You can do this don't fall into the trap because it's a long painful climb out.

[brighteyes096]

thanks :) i hope i get more people posting with info bc i need some support or ideas. i'm not saying tho that i want to switch meds. ive had anxiety since i was 14 or 16 & used to be on paxil which made me feel worse so i swore off ssri's & other mental changing drugs. then when i got older & partied i got into painers & they were fun & made me feel go so before i knew it it's two years later and lookin for the next fix. i dont know that im ready to quit right now, but before i never had any intention of doing so. i think im making progress & trying to attain the mindstate of not needing them. & that i need to get off of them. i know i will at some point i just dont know if it's now. it'd be nice to just stop & not worry about w/d or something but thats not an option. when my dr gave me zoloft he gave me vistaril at first which is just an anti histamine & didnt really do anything. then buspars which im not sure if they did or not. sometimes they made me feel weird and something i think they took the edge off the anxiety. most people prescribed to an SSRI are given something as a back up for the attacks & i do legitamitelly have an anxiety disorder. i'm just saying i know if i have a panic attack and a xanax or valium it definitely helps and not in an abusive drug sort of way. i don't get how on tv and websites it says check these boxes if you think have these symptoms & talk to your dr about getting xanax or whatnot but if you do they think your just trying to get a drug, and thats not true. err. idk. not ive went into rant mode. srry.

[AloneAndAddicted]

Hi & welcome.  I'm currently day 3 of CT from Oxy/MS Contin/Ambien/Cymbalta and I'm not an expert or even fully recovered but from what I've read don't switch one med for another.  Try the Thomas recipe & other vitamins & things you find on here to help get thru the WD.  Lot's of exercise & keep busy.  You need to get clean of all substances & let your brain learn how to make you feel good with your own natural feel good chemicals.  Read past posts & make a plan & stick to it.  Become accountable & get after care.  If you don't get rid of it all you will probably fall prey to the beast & use again!  You are young and have a wonderful life to live without the fog of drugs!  Keep posting & let me know if I can help!  :)