help is here when you want it and if your ready to surrender

[jw272]

if your ready to surrender your self and stray away from narctics im here to help, ive posted several times how i did it and how i am now. i am a survivor of addiction, i dont care if people judge me or doubt me i know its possible and it can be done. there is no such thing as impossible do not listen to people who say it cant be done and your gonna fail if you try. do you know thomas edison tryed 1000 diffrent ways of creating the light bulb, people said he failed 1000 diffrent ways, i think he found 1000 diffrent ways on how not to create the lightbulb, understand? after 6 1/2 years of oxys percs and vics after taking 25 of those pills a day at 870 mgs a day. dont tell me it cant be done. i have withdrawled several diffrent times and after all the b.s from doctors i chose my own way. i learned how my body responded and how im gonna do it, ive learned so much about the human body that i might be a good doc or therapyst, thats going far but heck i know alot. first off you have to change your thought process you have to program your self a diffrent way. my god i remember when i ran out of cash or scripts i went to my own mother with polio and taken her meds, i cryed everytime i did i just couldent control my self-key word CONTROL. i believe people dont truly know them selves until rock bottom, it is then in that moment you will know who you are. my body went through pure hell for a year now that isent the withdrawls my physical withdrawls stopped after about a month, but the rest was mentally. you have to be mentally tough to overcome the devils drug. i was so good at lying when i was an addict i could go to the emergency room and raise my blood pressure to make them believe i was in pain. in about a couple of hours id have my fix and swollow the whole body in 1 day of 20 percs. like i said it can be done. it is completly up to you to stop. no one else can make you stop, other drugs wont make you stop, getting on methadone wont make you stop.and that other drug suboxone or whatever wont either. it is upto you. i am clean for 2 years with no cravings or relapses( eeeerrrrr i hate that word) i call it a memory. i dont care for it i dont want it.. i can now go outside and play with my girls without needing a drug to do it for me, i can look up at the sky without my eyes watering from withdrawls. i feel good telling people i was once an addict and now im not. look people  will continue to say not everyone is the same people react diffrently, but i ask you do you have a heart, do you have a brain, do you have orgins, when you bleed is it red? well all of the above for me so i guess inside we all hurt.love and die, so do i, im not from mars neither are you. so whats the diffrence? the diffrence is people being weak and giving in to the devils drug. these drugs will kill you i sure did feel like i died several times and probably did. dont give in keep on going. when my father died from drinking alcohal so much, and mind you i watched my father die right there in the hospital his last breath and all, he drank for 40 years they called him a maintaneced alchohalic, he stopped drinking for 4 months until he died he was going through detox like a champ until that one day he said o good no spiders in my cereal this time......that was the day he died..i dont want to hear it cant be done, because it can..choose life, choose to wake up in the morning and smile, choose to listen to the birds sing, choose to wake up without shaking badly, choose to stand on a mountain and love life. god gave us that dont take it away by staying on drugs....stay focused and keep moving foward...im here if you need me

[Ella789]

I look at it like this,  God didn't make me like this....... I did this to myself... and God let me live to get over the bad things and to learn in this life I have.  That's my belief, the way I was raised and so it works for me!  

Ella

[OKnotOK]

I was kinda wondering about all these God references ... I'm rather puzzled how you'd reach out to some entity that let you get messed up like that in the first place.


Know what I mean?

[Ella789]

To all who are searching, scared and hopeful.  This man can give you hope and comfort.  He isn't saying it is easy, he is saying it is doable.  Believe in yourself, your  God and get some comfort in that !  Post often and let jw give you the benefit of his experience. No one here will judge you or criticise you, not here. Most of us have been where you are right now.  Others will come and add their own experiences and ask their own questions and someone will come to help!
Yeah,  stay strong.!

Ella  

[jw272]

stay strong you can do it. see and i am not bull shitting about this, but i believe if we punish our selves in a hurtful way god does not turn his back he does not abandon you see i searched and searched for answers i was right there where you are i cryed and begged to god, but it was only then in my darkest hour he chose to send his messenger, all i herd was it is not your time yet, thats all i needed. i dont believe he will show himself to everyone, he will most deffinatly make you hear it and feel it. and thank you for the complament. i just know from my own experiences how mean people can be and how important it is to help someone other than yourself. that is the gift that keeps on giving

[LADYDI4185]

thank you!  you sound like such a kind, thoughtful person.  i know is have to look in myself to overcome this addiction but again my fear is not being able to do it!  many times i have cried my eyes out begging g-d to help me, give me the strength but i think it has to be more on me to get clean.  i will keep posting and again, thank you for your support!  ladydi4185

[jw272]

congradulations to you mamm your almost there believe it or not. some people that read my posts read to far into it and think i am doing wrong..
which i am not whene you are an addict that is rock bottom wheather you have a job,family or whatever its  like being an addict your setting your self up for failure..
oh my gosh yes i had mood swings, depression dosent apply to me its just how i was raised. but yes it was there its all in your atitude on how your gonna handle it..see its like you have to dig deep inside your self and find your soul. your soul has to be healed first before your body..trust me i have been through hell and back several times no tapering off the last time and no remorse i just made an all out war against narcotics...that is the biggest worry and fear for everyone is the mental withdrawls..your mind will feel like it is depressed but its not it just dosent know what to do with itself..you have to reprogram it all over again from the start....you can do it..it is hell i know but your almost there and dont give up the fight...maybe thats why i dident fear because mamm i grew up in a poor neighborhood where you had to fight to survive...put your life in gods hands and have faith in him i was never religious until i stopped narcotics.trust him he is better than any depressent pill or narcotic...when you have over come it you will feel like you are unstopable, and you will shine brighter than the northern star...i will be here when ever you need it

[LADYDI4185]

hi, thanks for the tought provoking post, i really needed to hear that.  so many days i sit hear and read the other posts and wonder if i am just weak and will never be off these pills.  i am so tired of counting out how many pills i have left, how will i get more etc.  i have always gotten them from my dr never off the streets but still i take them every day.  i do try to take some solace in that i have cut down from 8-10 day day to 4-5 now but still i just want to be done.  i really don't care about the physical wd's i know i can get through that, it is the mental part i am worried about.  right now i am tapering my dose down slowly and hoping this will help with the cravings when i stop completely.  did you experience any depression or mood swings when you stopped using?  if you did, how did you get through it?  is it all in your attitude?  i know how badly i want to be clean, i just worry it may never happen!  thanks again for the great post! ladydi4185

[jw272]

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[Ella789]

bump

[jw272]

keep the faith and stay strong

[jw272]

thanks ella i just feel in my heart its my job to try and help, i hate to see people going through this temporary pain. its a strength battle, i truly believe pain is just weakness leaving the body. this is our temple and you must take care of it.or it wont take care of you. i read everyones posts and i just sit back and remember what ive done, and what i went through. it was like vietnam in my body a bloody massacur. and to defeat it oh my im a new man. i thank god sometimes for putting me threw that trial because its now i realize life is voluable, this is it or only life here on earth we dont know where we go from here. but in one of my other posts i had my mri check up this morning and i am completly fine now. my spine has healed very well, my discs are no longer herniated no more blood in my spinal fluid. im good to go. i remember before when it started they thought i was paralyzed from the waist down and couldent lift 15 lbs over my head i started walking 2 months after but became addicted to hard narcotics...now im healthy i can lift 200 lbs over my head, and narcotic free and happy...folks need to know they can do it. i am now enrolling back into semi pro football and continuing my journey were i left off

[LoandTansMom24]

Thank you so much!! It really helps to know that there's someone out there who's been thru so much AND is willing to help others get thru it too!! And CONGRATS to you!! You sound like you've been thru alot!!

[Ella789]

bumping this back up to the top for others to read

[Ella789]

Thank you for giving those who come on here, who feel hopeless and are  looking for answers,  the gift of your experience !!

Ella