help me please

[gbear1980]

I am 34 years old have been struggling with a crack addiction for 7 yrs off and on.. was clean for almost 3 yrs opened my own business 8 months ago and relapsed shortly after.. rehab didn't work or aa.... I honestly and sincerely wanna stop just can't seem too... any advice will help

[motye51]

I hear ya, this is not your first rodeo and i respect that. Im thinking though, this is alot to take on alone, so i ask do you have a close friend u can rely on that can be private? Im not sure about the w/d off of crack, but i have a friend who recently left N/A to go do some more "research and development" with this particular drug. He occasionally calls me to describe an "organ grinder" on his back....it must be a beast!
Its great that u turned your life around, got clean, and got the important things in life, a good family that loves u so much your scared to let them down. Use that as your ammunition in your head, put those wonderful people in your head when your fighting this!!! Because this is definatly a fight, a fight for your life!!!!!
U will also need to find some sort of aftercare. ..if your family believes your in recovery, then do u think u could do N/A or SMART Recovery?? Maybe see an addiction therapist? Without throwing up any red flags?

[gbear1980]

I truly appreciate everyone comments u don't know what a relief it is to have people to talk to about this... the first day hasn't been to bad yet I am truly committed to closing the book on this chapter of my life... the reason I can't talk to any of my family because I've put them thru this all before and changed my life around for over three years and it would crush them.. as of now all is not lost still have alot of positive things in my life.. and honestly no one suspects that the same Ole me came back... I'm giving it all I got thank you all

[ready4btr]

Hang in there sweetie!  I'm in the same boat and am so thankful I found this site!  I'm trying to get off percocets myself and can't get into a dr until Feb!   Like you, I have a lot to lose that I have worked my whole life for if I don't get this under control. Those are the things that I try to think about. I've relapsed plenty of times but keep telling myself that I won't quit quitting!  We can all do this together. I'm terrified what I will go through, physically and mentally, once I'm out of the suboxone I got from a friend. I think the fear of the unknown is as bad as the addiction itself. I never felt like AA helped me either. I'm not an alcoholic so they didn't even want to discuss my addiction and NA meetings are harder to find. Hang in there. Post often. Stay strong!

[motye51]

If i might ask, what makes u think that the people around u would not support u? If your referring to your family, dont u think perhaps your not giving them enough credit?
BTW....alot of times we think our loved ones dont know, but they usually do. We are kidding ourselves when we think no one knows.

[NeverAgain127]

Honey...not everyone will turn their back on you.  Certainly NA or CA wouldn't.   They hear relapse stories all the time.  You say rehab didnt' work.  May I suggest, it didnt' work THIS time...probably because you weren't looking out for the triggers and going to ANY lengths to avoid them, or at least deal with them in non-drug using ways?

Things seem hopeless to you because you are actively using right now.   The minute you open up to another addict, you are on the road to recovery.   Find a meeting.   Where I live, there is "Cocaine Anonymous" and even "Crack Anonymous."  but NA would do just as well.  Fine one no matter how far away it is, walk in and talk to someone (an old-timer...NOT a newbie, preferably.)

People relapse over and over again before they get clean; in fact, it is considered part of the recovery process.   You want to quit. You came on here.  That tells me a lot.  You can do this...you just need a much stronger and more organized after-care program...such as at LEAST one meeting (preferably 2) a day, a sponsor, and maybe some therapy with an addiction specialist.  

Crack affects the dopamine receptors in our brains...very powerful pleasure centers.  There is a reason that we have an epidemic of crack addiction In the U.S. and abroad right now.  If you feel you can't tell your family, I understand, but tell SOMEONE.  

Please post here often...let us know how you are doing.  You can do this, I know you can.

Hugs,

-R.

[kellygirll]

i too kept my secret for years and tried to get clean since 2010 unsuccessfully went the sub route never told my husband or family about it no aftercare nothing i relapsed and was on and off subs/opiates for the next 3 years then i found this site and EVERYONE on here told me i had to tell my dirty little secret to my husband (he is totally against pills hates them and people who do them) so how could i possible tell him? and meetings? how will i do that without him finding out this stuff wasn't an option i was going to do it on my own yea right sorry but that is an impossible feat esp if you are married i relapsed several times since january finally i told my husband my parents my family started going to meetings well finally i had to go to a 30 day rehab and now i go to meetings and i have 80 days clean today with the help of my hubby family and AFTERCARE aftercare is so important!!!!!! you will not i repeat NOT be successful in your recovery without it and thats just a fact jack best of luck to both of you guys