i just discovered this forum. I am a functioning adult, professional job, parent, spouse, and on the outside I look great and like my life is great. What NO one knows is that I am addicted to Hyrocodone. No one would iimagine the things Ive done to get opiates. Im incapable of limiting my use, and when I have it I use a lot of it every day. And I have been able to have it daily for years, and my morals and values have gone out the window. The crazy thing about addiction...I use it even though at the end of the day it makes me feel BAD, no high, just bad. And, no one knows about it. I have not told anyone. I dont go to recovery meetings because Im in the helping profession, even tho thats a lame excuse. I feel a lot of shame about it. I am coming to the end of the meds I have and cannot get more for awhile, and will withdraw. So, Im starting to taper myself. I know I can be so much more than this....I also know addiction is an illness. Yes I have back pain, but not as significant to require this med., altho Im good at telling docs its very painful. Its not. So you all are the first that I have told, ever, and its been years. If i can stick to a taper regime, then I will feel like I actually can get off this stuff. But I am, or my addiction is, not trustworthy, and in one second I can decide its a good idea to take more. It scares me that people who taper still have bad withdrawal when they stop. Thanks for reading, and any support is greatly appreciated. I have a desire to stop...dont want my life controlled this way, but I want to show myself I can stop without treatment. And, patheticly enough, I havent told my therapist either. I have this whole other secretive side to me and i know if Im not real, my quality of life will suck....and on the inside, it does suck. thanks.