Aa
Slipping - VERY tempted
So, I've been clean from hydro (again) for two weeks as of today... the W/D wasn't even that bad this time. I went C/T and had a couple days of intense anxiety and the runs, aches, etc. but nothing awful. My dose was pretty low - 70 mg for a few days here and there.
Well, I'm feeling really tempted to pick up about 6 more Norco. I have tons of self control at this point, very little money, and for whatever reason I feel I can hold them and only take them when I really want to... maybe that's a lie, maybe not. My GF is away until Monday and I'd love to pop 10mg of hydro right now, another 10 later tonight and then save the remaining 4 until she gets back... whatever.
MY QUESTION IS: (and I know ya'll are gonna tell me not to do it and you're probably right, but here it is) if I take 20mg tonight, will I go right back into W/D tomorrow? I feel fine today. Nothing's wrong. No W/D. Nothing. Just a mental game at this point. So, if I can keep my dose way down and only use for one day, then take a break, will I screw myself tomorrow? Please, don't just try and talk me out of it... I know how it goes.
Well, I'm feeling really tempted to pick up about 6 more Norco. I have tons of self control at this point, very little money, and for whatever reason I feel I can hold them and only take them when I really want to... maybe that's a lie, maybe not. My GF is away until Monday and I'd love to pop 10mg of hydro right now, another 10 later tonight and then save the remaining 4 until she gets back... whatever.
MY QUESTION IS: (and I know ya'll are gonna tell me not to do it and you're probably right, but here it is) if I take 20mg tonight, will I go right back into W/D tomorrow? I feel fine today. Nothing's wrong. No W/D. Nothing. Just a mental game at this point. So, if I can keep my dose way down and only use for one day, then take a break, will I screw myself tomorrow? Please, don't just try and talk me out of it... I know how it goes.
Just a PS. I really do have a friend that has the highest tolerance any doctor has ever seen. I've seen him take 150mgs of hydrocodone. He's had over 32 broken bones, wait that was before the wrists... I have lead a very high risk life and have known many very special people, some I don't want to emulate.
well didn't you say you took 6 at a time? that is a lot too...wha does that do to you? i just can't imagine...
Sorry, that was per day. But yes that probably would kill YOU if you don,t have the tolerance...you see I have this friend... anyway my advice is to only use as directed by you're physician.
Twenty pills??? I can't believe that...won't that kill you??? I thought I had a high tolerance..I take percocet 10/325 and usually take 2-3 at a time..what happens when you take 10 or 20 at a time???
Well, I feel awful for wasting all your time. I went out and copped six Norco. I took the 20mg like I wanted to, and the buzz is barely there. To tell you the truth, I'm barely any more talkative and social than I was earlier today. The only real difference is that I'm craving cigarettes like it's my job... no itchiness, no high, no dragon to be seen. He's gone. I'll never touch the dragon again, and I know it... the only way for me to feel a buzz is to take 60mg or more and beyond the health aspects, I just can't afford that. Vics are so expensive.
They don't just cost us money. They cost us life. Not that I see the drug killing me (I know: prison, institution, or death) but it drains me of my options and my feelings. I cried last night for the first time in ages. I could actually feel emotion. A song my girlfriend and I came on, and I sang it to myself and the tears started to roll. There's no way I could cry right now. The opiates have me dulled and dumb.
When it comes to telling my girl, I don't think I ever will. I've told her about my past addiction to Adderall, but I don't want to reveal that I was drugs when we met. At least not for a long time. I'm afraid of losing her. She lost her dad to alcohol, and I really don't want to scare her away. I know I'm a drug addict, but I also know I can beat this.
There's no way in hell I'm buying any more. I know you all will tell me to flush the last 4, but that's not going to happen. I'll just end up taking 20mg more when I feel like it, and the last 20mg another time.
NO PILLS TOMORROW.
I don't want to W/D again... so, I'm going to control myself. Maybe in a few days, or over the weekend, or in a week I'll pop again, but I'm not going through that physical hell.
When I talk about a mental game, I mean fighting the cravings. I'm not depressed. I do have anxiety, but it's managed with legit Klonopin from my doctor. I'm not medicating to cover up negativity in my life or within my being. I'm not using to fight mental or emotional pain. I use for the physical pleasure... but, tonight there is none. Goes to show... 20mg to a non-addict would get them so high. To me, it's a little charge of energy and the desire to chain smoke. What a waste of time, money and soul.
Thank you all for trying to help me... for trying to stop me. I'm sorry I wasted your time. I know we all do this, though, and I only hope that in the future I will be in your shoes, telling another addict not to do it and why. Now I can look back on this post and have a good, written reason for not wasting myself again.
They don't just cost us money. They cost us life. Not that I see the drug killing me (I know: prison, institution, or death) but it drains me of my options and my feelings. I cried last night for the first time in ages. I could actually feel emotion. A song my girlfriend and I came on, and I sang it to myself and the tears started to roll. There's no way I could cry right now. The opiates have me dulled and dumb.
When it comes to telling my girl, I don't think I ever will. I've told her about my past addiction to Adderall, but I don't want to reveal that I was drugs when we met. At least not for a long time. I'm afraid of losing her. She lost her dad to alcohol, and I really don't want to scare her away. I know I'm a drug addict, but I also know I can beat this.
There's no way in hell I'm buying any more. I know you all will tell me to flush the last 4, but that's not going to happen. I'll just end up taking 20mg more when I feel like it, and the last 20mg another time.
NO PILLS TOMORROW.
I don't want to W/D again... so, I'm going to control myself. Maybe in a few days, or over the weekend, or in a week I'll pop again, but I'm not going through that physical hell.
When I talk about a mental game, I mean fighting the cravings. I'm not depressed. I do have anxiety, but it's managed with legit Klonopin from my doctor. I'm not medicating to cover up negativity in my life or within my being. I'm not using to fight mental or emotional pain. I use for the physical pleasure... but, tonight there is none. Goes to show... 20mg to a non-addict would get them so high. To me, it's a little charge of energy and the desire to chain smoke. What a waste of time, money and soul.
Thank you all for trying to help me... for trying to stop me. I'm sorry I wasted your time. I know we all do this, though, and I only hope that in the future I will be in your shoes, telling another addict not to do it and why. Now I can look back on this post and have a good, written reason for not wasting myself again.
Don't do it you're right about me saying that. 7 days clean for me right now. Back surgery 2 1/2 years ago and 6 yrs off and on percocet and norcos. I am still in some pain with the nerve damage to the back causing my feet pain and numbness. I went clean for 6 weeks then took 1/2 norco for maintainence got up to 3 a day instead of my normal 20 then had two teeth pulled 2 weeks ago and didn't think a thing about the dosages because of the pain. I think I was taking 15 mgs percocet and 90 mgs of norco for the pain. Well the pain quit so I just stopped taking the meds thinking I'd done it many times before and the W/D weren't that bad. Well this time W/Ds kicked my ***. I really want to get my life back on track in my old age so I hope this is the last time. It's really crappy to lead a life of pain and try to stay off the meds. I have done my share in the past but was never addicted to any substance until the back thing. Although (check profile) addicted to adrenaline and fear. All I fear now is living in pain. So my suggestion is go scare the **** out of yourself like I used to do and really feel alive. Good luck with you're decision I would personally save the pain killers for when you're old and bent like me.
set yourself free from this demon now....get rid of it now and forever and you will never have to think about pills again. why give yourself something that you know you don t need. i would think it would make it harder to quit but i m no genius. yeah i wonder if i could take just one pill but i know i can't. it would feel too good again and life drug free is pretty darn good compared to drowning myself in pills. i hope you just let it go...good luck ..maria
Well I have plenty of stories, so we wont get bored for a little while. Where are you located? I was in the service when Hurricane Camille slam dunked the Gulf Coast. Took several busloads of us from Texas to Keesler AFB / Biloxi, Mississippi and did SAR (search and rescue) mostly body retrieval and stuff for several weeks. Always liked N.O. and had fine times in the Quarter drinking hurricanes.....part of the bus ride was on I-10 and we had to keep leapfrogging back and forth because the road was broken up and tossed around like pick up sticks.
Are you planning on telling the lady? Or rather what are you going to tell her? Wont work to think that will stay a secret. You gotta be a pretty bright guy - so i wont even think about preaching. But do plenty of homework for yourself. Bad part of this situation is that the progression can be fatally slow. Start taking them as you in your twenties - and they become more than a habit. And the physical damage builds slowly enough that you dont notice a lot until the pro's start to work on you. Then it becomes major damage control. I have already done a year of experimental chemo through the Mayo Clinic - it was a bear (grizzly) but it worked for me. Liver couldnt handle the way I treated it. And cardiac problems have been around a few years already. Just one "insignificcant" heart attack. I almost fainted when the Doc called it that! Seem to be rambling a lot here - PM me if you wish - plenty more to say. But please remember that if you decide to chase the dragon - - you better have a good plan for catching him.........eagle
Are you planning on telling the lady? Or rather what are you going to tell her? Wont work to think that will stay a secret. You gotta be a pretty bright guy - so i wont even think about preaching. But do plenty of homework for yourself. Bad part of this situation is that the progression can be fatally slow. Start taking them as you in your twenties - and they become more than a habit. And the physical damage builds slowly enough that you dont notice a lot until the pro's start to work on you. Then it becomes major damage control. I have already done a year of experimental chemo through the Mayo Clinic - it was a bear (grizzly) but it worked for me. Liver couldnt handle the way I treated it. And cardiac problems have been around a few years already. Just one "insignificcant" heart attack. I almost fainted when the Doc called it that! Seem to be rambling a lot here - PM me if you wish - plenty more to say. But please remember that if you decide to chase the dragon - - you better have a good plan for catching him.........eagle
i wouldnt think physical wds would be the problem...for me it would be the mental wds..be safe
many many many a time I have detoxed some number of days, and then said to myself, well I will just have x pills, just today, or just the weekend. I will have a nice rush, a nice stone, and then on monday I will go back to zero.
Not once has that happended, bec as soon as i take that allotted x pills, as soon as they are down my throat, I want more, bec the rush is never quite as good as I had hoped, or any other hundred justifications.
You will do what you will do, but may i suggest be honest with yourself as you are doing it. Just based on what you have said, you have been using/detoxing for the past two years, suggesting that it has not been "just one pill" for you.
In no way do i mean to sound harsh here - I'm day 3 withdrawals, feeling like s h i t and almost too tired to try and phrase things gently - also, I have done what you are wanting to do soooo many times, its opening pandoras box, and I wish you a different outcome to the outcomes that I have had.
Allow yourself a period of adjustment having come off them, allow yourself to feel needy or strange or whatever, and trust that if your girlfriend is the lovely lady that you are falling in love with, she will hang around.
All the best mate
Not once has that happended, bec as soon as i take that allotted x pills, as soon as they are down my throat, I want more, bec the rush is never quite as good as I had hoped, or any other hundred justifications.
You will do what you will do, but may i suggest be honest with yourself as you are doing it. Just based on what you have said, you have been using/detoxing for the past two years, suggesting that it has not been "just one pill" for you.
In no way do i mean to sound harsh here - I'm day 3 withdrawals, feeling like s h i t and almost too tired to try and phrase things gently - also, I have done what you are wanting to do soooo many times, its opening pandoras box, and I wish you a different outcome to the outcomes that I have had.
Allow yourself a period of adjustment having come off them, allow yourself to feel needy or strange or whatever, and trust that if your girlfriend is the lovely lady that you are falling in love with, she will hang around.
All the best mate
Hey theeagle,
Thank you for your honest answer and for sharing those deeply personal and touching stories. When it comes to the W/Ds, I do have to say that for me, the more times I go off the stuff, the easier the physical W/D becomes. My first time was about 2 years ago, coming off 150+ mg hydro/oxy combined, and it was hell for a month. Every time since has been much, much easier. Even the mental part has been easier - I exercise, and that really helps.
No, I'm not on any antidepressants, though I have been on quite a few in the past. I don't take any gastro drugs, either, but I see what you're getting at: get addicted again and again, and you screw your body up so good that you need meds and doctors for the rest of your life. Believe me, I don't want to really start using again. I need my health, I need my woman, I need my life, and I don't need the opiates. I, do, however like them. I'm still really tempted to pop 20mg tonight.
I know how the broken relationships thing is... I've lost friends already over these pills. I've broken up with people while on them. I have basically no money.
My current girlfriend doesn't know... we've only been dating for about 6 weeks. She's seen my wired on vics, and she's seen me off of them. Interestingly, I was on a mild dose about 2 weeks ago and she sensed that something was off... I was behaving differently. The drugs, for sure. Then, I came off of them, and the anxiety kicked in and I got needy and clingy. I can't have that. She'll run, and I'm falling in love with her and want her to stay by my side. So, she's seen me off and on, and it's been rough. Problem is, she met me while I was REALLY on. Well, now I feel good and I'm clean! Still, I just wanna pop 20mg... I don't get it. Sooo mental right now.
Thank you for your honest answer and for sharing those deeply personal and touching stories. When it comes to the W/Ds, I do have to say that for me, the more times I go off the stuff, the easier the physical W/D becomes. My first time was about 2 years ago, coming off 150+ mg hydro/oxy combined, and it was hell for a month. Every time since has been much, much easier. Even the mental part has been easier - I exercise, and that really helps.
No, I'm not on any antidepressants, though I have been on quite a few in the past. I don't take any gastro drugs, either, but I see what you're getting at: get addicted again and again, and you screw your body up so good that you need meds and doctors for the rest of your life. Believe me, I don't want to really start using again. I need my health, I need my woman, I need my life, and I don't need the opiates. I, do, however like them. I'm still really tempted to pop 20mg tonight.
I know how the broken relationships thing is... I've lost friends already over these pills. I've broken up with people while on them. I have basically no money.
My current girlfriend doesn't know... we've only been dating for about 6 weeks. She's seen my wired on vics, and she's seen me off of them. Interestingly, I was on a mild dose about 2 weeks ago and she sensed that something was off... I was behaving differently. The drugs, for sure. Then, I came off of them, and the anxiety kicked in and I got needy and clingy. I can't have that. She'll run, and I'm falling in love with her and want her to stay by my side. So, she's seen me off and on, and it's been rough. Problem is, she met me while I was REALLY on. Well, now I feel good and I'm clean! Still, I just wanna pop 20mg... I don't get it. Sooo mental right now.
You will not go into full blown withdrawal from 20mg on a given night. That being said - I have to say that you are not making proper decisions. It is more than a mental game now. Even if you do not go into full withdrawals you are still screwing yourself. Dont kid yourself about the w/d's......they become increasingly harder and do more physical harm than you know of right now the more times you go through them. You may get lucky a time or two - but its not good luck. And I am sorry - but I need to disagree with you. You do not know how it goes. I am 60 and have been around the block. This isnt my first rodeo. Did my first opiate (China White) during Vietnam days. And I have seen people that know how it goes die. While some that are alive have suicidal ideation and some completed suicides. Are you on any anti depressants or blood pressure meds yet? Or gastro medications. You know how it goes so you know they are in the future for you. So are broken relations and never any money. And more Doctors than you ever want to think of. Or a mortician. Its a totally serious thing we have on the table here. And the addiction monster wants to own your soul and ruin the lives of loved ones. Feel free to PM me if you wish to chat or have a question that I might be able to help you with.
but you talk about self control and it's not . i have played games like that ( think we all ...) and it's a good way of cheating ourselves. Maybe you've overcome the physical wds but not the hardest ones, the mental stuff....
you'll be at the same point you're now and maybe find another way of cheating yourself with another good plan....
and what's the point of going back&forward..? don't do it if it's a selfcontrol game then, pls !!
i know it's not you were asking but...what you're planning doesn't seem very intelligent now and come on, you're more intelligent than that.
you'll be at the same point you're now and maybe find another way of cheating yourself with another good plan....
and what's the point of going back&forward..? don't do it if it's a selfcontrol game then, pls !!
i know it's not you were asking but...what you're planning doesn't seem very intelligent now and come on, you're more intelligent than that.
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