please help me tell the voices no today...

[udoschoices]

hi everybody,

i've been struggling the last few days getting off these hydro's i've been on... make it a day or 2, then get "a few norcos" to "help taper" which isnt really true. My doses have been a lot less than what i would normally take - but i really want to stop and i make it a day or so then call up my source and get 5 or 10 and start over.

so i'm almost 24 hours now and need a little help telling the voices (not realy, but you know) - my brain rationalizing that "oh, you'll be ok - just take a few". I'm reaching out to get any suppport with this from those that have made it past this.. the physical w/d isn't that hard for me - its the mental part that's not getting me past a day or 2...

thanks in advance.

[prayformetoo]

Hey Guy.
At one point (around day 2-3) I actually thought I was going to loose my mind. That's when I hit my Knee's and Prayed. Alot. I truley believe it helped save my life.
Keep up the Good fight. I'll pray for you and your kid.
Steve

[udoschoices]

Thanks everyone- gizzy.. By no means do I think I'm the least bit "better" on day 2....  Just meant the w/d wasn't so bad but the mental part ***** the worst.  Heart acting funny again today and not on pills so may have triggered something by using them. Have to go see heart doc but that's a great motivation to live....  

Twolve- with u... Done every rationalization trick in the book with myself and have no more excuses... No thrill anymore, just a monkey on the back... Time to be free, we can do it together. I upped my dosages crazy too the subsequent times which isn't smart or good long term (if you or me make it long term doing that)

[gizzy32]

So happy to see you post. What a day you have had and happy to hear those cravings pass. Some of us have to take drastic measures to get clean at first. When we continue to try and fail and try and fail, changes need to be made. Like i mentioned to ya, try out N/A, just one meeting and if you don't like it, then you don't have to go back. You have reached out today and that takes a lot bud so keep fighting this and get over the hump. 2 days clean is not enough to start feeling good. You have a lot to live for so stay off this vicsious cycle. Keep remembering the heart palpalations you have had, they are scary. No more pills!!! I am proud of you for fighting and you can do this:)

[twolve]

dont be too hard on yourself for the relapse, the most important thing is your back here.. you and i have very similar stories about how our battle has gone..i quit last summer with the help of this site and relapsed after 5 months..i have increased my habit my quite a bit since then so its much harder this time around, but im very determined because i really feel like im fighting for my life..im really happy that you arent having cravings right now..i hear you about finding the number on the phone bill..i have done some very strange things to go about getting pills while going thru wds..i gave my dad my debit cards so i couldnt get money and id find myself like searching through his room trying to find them, in the middle of it i would just think to myself "what the heck are you doing" but then id continue to look..for me pills literally created a second brain that does the majority of my thinking..when my real brain starts telling me what to do, the pills just overpower..im fighting so hard right now to get myself back.

[udoschoices]

thanks everybody... i appreciate it. Its a hard road, and i've literally done this like 30 times over the last 2 years.. stop, start, stop, start.. .just tired of it..

broknbck - thanks for the advice and its encouraging to hear from you after year 2. I aspire to be there.. some of my old friends from here back 2 years ago when i first quit are now 18 months clean or longer... they made it and i relapsed. But i'm putting one foot ahead..

yes, i deleted the number.. then checked my phone bill and got it again (fiend). I guess the good news is i no longer go to pain clinics, don't buy off the internet, and lately it was small amounts from someone local - so at least my behavior has gotten better... just time now to finish it for real.

i'm better now. no cravings like a few hours ago, going to pick up my baby girl and take her to the playground - playing with her will take my mind off of trying to get high...

thanks to all, and to all sharing the struggle - you are not alone!  We will make it again (or the first time for some)

[twolve]

I am sure you have been told this before, because I have too and its harder than it sounds but...You really should put up barriers starting by getting rid of your sources phone number and do whatever it takes to ensure you cant get that phone number. I actually had to delete 5 peoples numbers to make sure i couldnt find my old hooks number, 3 of those people dont have anything to do with pills but i knew i could find the number trail back to my guy..it was really hard to do but in the end it makes it so much easier to quit when your mind knows that it would be very very hard, if not impossible to even get a hold of pills. Hang in there, I am trying to do the same!

[broknbck]

you know it is like being in a prison and ha, we are the ones who created it. we have only to open the door and step out. ... yea.. it is different and feels a little unsecure being outside. but you know what?  ..... you start to see all the possibilities for you that you cannot have inside the prison. hell, anything is possible to consider now. there is no excuse of "need that money for pills, or need to be near where i can get them, or don't want to do that without any pills."
you are free to do and plan anything you can think of. there are no limitations anymore.

it is the greatest feeling. i haven't had a pill in almost 2 years. times are getting rough all over these days and yes i am feeling that. but i can deal with it, because there is no chains around me anymore holding me down.
i will tell you the high i have gotten from finally beating this demon is the best ever.
hang in there and keep your sights ahead.

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

You can do this!  Your KID should be an important motivater in your role to stay clean.. I know MINE DID!

[udoschoices]

Argh. This *****. Actually called my source in a moment of weakness but no answer- maybe it's a sign... So went to the movies to take my mind off of it...  Past 24 hours- after movie I pick up my daughter from daycare so no opportunity to get anything - just want to make it to day 2

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

I remember when I was withdrawing.. the racing heart... I would be doing NOTHING.. and my heart would just kick into a heart skip, and jump.. Scared the poop out of me.. but I think I knew that my body was just trying to get back to normal... so I just tried to breathe and relax thru it... (yeah.. easier said than done.. when you think you're having a heart attack)..

Hang in there and remember to BREATH!  
Old saying: "Life is HARD.. It's Breath... Breath.. BREATH.. ALL THE TIME!"  

[udoschoices]

yes, i know... and i started having heart irregularities last few days where i felt my heart skipping beats (not paranoid, its true) - so the "it will kill you" is no joke.  I want to stop, just the psychological demons telling me "just one more time" has been going on for days now...  

thanks for the info. I used Thomas before to good success, like you said - maybe actually taking the pills will help satisfy the pill popping action itself

mind part sux worse than the physical part

[pharma9]

To withdraw from drugs you have to arm your body with vitamins and nutrients to fight this intense battle.One the right of this page either at top or bottom is the Thomas recipe and amino acid protocol that one should follow.Vit b12 1000mcg,vit d 1000u,Omegas and antioxidant with zinc are necessary.Lots of gatorade and imodium for diarrhea and epsom sals baths for RLS.I suggest that if your mind needs to take something take placebo doses of b6 25mg,vitc 250mg,or b12 250 mcg.Whenever you feel the urge to take a pill take one of these.You can alternate them.The final daily dose will still be safe and you will satisfy that urge to "take a pill".

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

Those "voices" will GET YOU if you LET them!  
Withdrawing is NOT an easy task.. but continuing to use... may kill you.. Hate to sound so harsh, but it's a reality...

Have you sought out any type of support system.. NA/AA?

Trust me.. you can do this if you want it bad enough... It took me awhile to see that my life was going nowhere... And I had an endless legal RX for my Norco.. I just decided one day that I had HAD ENOUGH... I hated who I had become... Not a good Mom.. not a good wife... not a good sister... not a good daughter... NOT a GOOD anything!   I felt sick all the time... My threshhold of pain was zero and I just KNEW I had to QUIT!  So, I did.... and now have 110 days clean... It was rough at first but everyday that I've been clean is a better day than when I was using...Hope this helps you make a decision..